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Author
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Topic: Louisiana Hurricane Season Notes
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Waterdog
Advanced Member
Member # 24
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posted
I love that post! I now live in the place where my parents and in-laws will evacuate to if/when needed. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif) Btw, they forgot to mention the 10 50-gallon drums of water you'll have to buy along with all those flashlights and batteries. Or you could just forget the batteries and buy kerosene and a Coleman lantern. That's what we used, when I was a kid, during the 2 weeks we didn't have power after Alicia. ![[thumbsup]](graemlins/thumbsup2.gif)
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So let us go forth to Him outside the camp (Heb 13:11-14)
 
Posts: 374 | From: Austin, TX | Registered: Jun 2002
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barrykind
Advanced Member
Member # 35
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posted
In view of the circumstances, I thought you might be interested in reading the following.
Louisiana Hurricane Season Notes
We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season.
Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological points:
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Louisiana. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one.''
Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple
three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1.
Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.
STEP 2.
Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3.
Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow
this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Louisiana.
We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE:
If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.
Unfortunately, if your home is located in South Louisiana, or any other
area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies
would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might
be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they
got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to
scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual
premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any
moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane
George, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies.
This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under
a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are
entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.
SHUTTERS:
Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all
the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There
are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
Plywood shutters:
The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.
Sheet-metal shutters:
The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up.
The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless
bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
Roll-down shutters:
The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.
"Hurricane-proof'' windows:
These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look
like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can
be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.
"Hurricane Proofing Your Property:
As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects
like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives,etc..
You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if
you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately).
Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.
EVACUATION ROUTE:
If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation
route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area,
look at your driver's license; if it says ``Louisiana,'' you live in a
low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being
trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped
in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two
hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them
now! Louisiana tradition requires that you wait until the last possible
minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers
over who gets the last can of SPAM.
In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
* 23 flashlights and at least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
* Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the
bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)
* A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
* A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
* A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody
who went through Camille; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)
* $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can
buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions.
As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast
of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in
rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how
vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.
Good luck, and remember: It's great living in Paradise!
i live on the Tex/La Border Wee for mee
Our nursing home is buggin out at 3:00am, and im still up at midnight posting corny hurricane notes
Pray for us as we evacuate..
love
barry Melisa and the Boys
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The HEART of the issue is truly the issue of the HEART!
John 3:3;Mark 8:34-38;James 1:27
Posts: 3529 | From: Orange, Texas | Registered: Jun 2002
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