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Author
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Topic: Seeking guidance again on my unique path...
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mohawk
Advanced Member
Member # 2898
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posted
Thanks, DaTank... paying (praying) it forward. That is a light switched on for me.
I can feel self-conscious asking for prayer support... I have two arms, two legs, an ablebodied person--I see people every day who don't even have that. I guess I have been underestimating God's grace. As Jesus warned in Matthew--I should stop my worrying.
I will take your advice, DaTank--thank you.
Posts: 223 | From: california | Registered: Feb 2004
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DaTank
Advanced Member
Member # 2818
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posted
Pray about it just once? sorry man I really don't know how. Bro, I don't underestimate the power of prayer. Maybe all I'm doing is one really long prayer, or maybe it's more than one. To me, the power of prayer is something that we shouldn't forget, and you know what... to me the power of prayer is like "Paying it Forward"... if you need to pay me back for praying for you, all I ask that you do is "pray it forward", simply pray for anyone else bringing prayers here or to you personally, or on other forums. Mohawk your more than welcome to contact me on aim or e-mail I'll be happy to talk or listen, or something in between.
Checkout Matthew 5 for that whole passage. Best of luck to you in life, may this community here help keep you on your spiritual feet until you can adapt someone in your current position and help them along.
I'll be praying
God Bless,
--------------------
Tim
"It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone- but it takes a lifetime to forget someone."
Life is an open book test... that's why God gave us the bible...
Posts: 23 | From: Chicago | Registered: Feb 2004
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mohawk
Advanced Member
Member # 2898
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posted
I have posted here before simply asking a mention in the prayers of those who read my request. I have no doubt that they have helped even in ways I don't fully know. I always feel awkward asking for prayer, because I see people every day who endure hardships that would make me cringe at the very thought. But eventually I must put my needs on the table too--and pray that I am not simply whining. Here I go...
I have endured a strange series of events the past two years or so. I moved to Los Angeles in pursuit of my career goals as an entertainer, and 9 months later found myself in Washington working at a bakery. That is just a very small taste of the weirdness.
I have felt poverty in ways I never have before. I have been turned into a different person. I've lived in my car, on friends' floors, and slept in highway rest areas. I even took up cigarettes because it distracted me from obsessing too depressedly on my predicament. All of my life I was accustomed to the familiar security of my parents' house; warmth, shelter and the keeping of traditions. But now my parents are gone and so is that house. I have lived on my own for many years--but could never quite duplicate the feeling of being "home" with the series of apartments I've lived in. I could at least duplicate the dependable state of shelteredness, and of having a place of refuge from the outside world. That all changed.
While in Washington, living out of my car while working at the bakery, I contemplated suicide. In desperation I contacted the first minister who was home to answer the phone out of the Washington yellow pages--a total stranger.
She was an Episcopal minister, who gave me an incredible revelation, then dropped me.
She told me that I had played out Christ's sacrifice in my life, to the point of "sacrificing" everything I had. Right down to my last cent, ounce of self-worth, and even my place to live. She was right. Then she said, now it is time to focus on the Ressurrection. I had internalized Jesus's sacrifice to the point of harming myself to keep the obsession going. But Christ at one point said "It is finished." I needed to do that too--and now start to internalize His rebirth in my heart. These words turned me around.
With that in mind, it still has been a battle I never dreamed. I am now employed back at my old job in California, before I launched myself at Hollywood--and back in my old apartment complex as well--two incredible miracles. But I am still broke, just making enough to squeak by and pray I never need additional funds, like for say, a doctor or dentist visit. I eat like a mouse to make my food last the month--and fortunately I've been invited out now and then by coworkers--so I've had a complete meal here and there. (It can't keep going because I do not consider myself a mooch and I want to repay their generosity at some point).
I was recently able to put new tires on my car--a Godsend, but I had been driving on bald tires for over a year and luckily they held out. I have been doled out just enough blessing at a time to keep going on my impoverished path, but not enough to make headway.
Ironically, I am acting on the side and have a moderately successful stage production underway. It pays nothing, but we have gotten great reviews by the local papers.
I told you it was a strange situation--and maybe now you see why I feel so awkward about asking for prayer. The truth is, God has always led me down hard-to-describe paths. Despite the fact that my material is for the most part secular, I've always put God in it somewhere--sometimes simply as sub-text. I like to challenge people with God as an idea--and if He provides the increase, I have found myself witnessing to people whom I know would never just walk into a church on Sunday. This is how I've always felt of service to Him. To those people, God has to make sense within the world they live in--a world which is unfortunately not based on faith or an awareness of the divine, but rather a cold reliance on technology, and information processing colored by cynicism. They roll their eyes when they see a Bible brought out--those people need to be reached. But I'm away from my topic. Here it is:
I feel like I am being led back in directions that in the past have been marred by failure... as if I am being led there because I am now a different person, and those old paths deserve revisiting.
And frankly, though I know we are not given to a spirit of fear, I am frightened. I am in a place where I can afford few mistakes... and the past few years have really rattled my faith. I hope all this has made sense--I need someone else's view above and beyond my own inner compass of His will. I need my life to change. I want to pursue the opportunities that in the past intimdated me--and in some cases, handed my guts to me. I have been unable to provide for myself, let alone another person--and I need my finances to turn around. And, luckily, or by His will (I don't know or understand) I've been alone most of my life. I am not sure I could handle putting someone else through this "life" of mine, but I pray for God's mercy in that arena too.
If any prayer warriors out there are in need of a unique challenge, I hope you'll take just one moment to add your strong voice to my faltering one. Just once--that's all. Thank you. ![[BooHoo]](graemlins/boohoo.gif)
Posts: 223 | From: california | Registered: Feb 2004
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