bgbiz
New Member
Member # 777
|
posted
For JustMe,
Faith I did not always have. Sometimes I did not want to even believe. It's funny tho, how we get mad at a God. Even non-believers, get mad at God whom they chose not to believe. In a way they really do want to believe I suppose.
This year has been long and the most trying of my life. So trying, that I attempted sucide 5 times. The last one of which I actually completed.
This past March I lost eveything that I had worked so hard for ( or That I thought I fought for )and thought was most importnant to me. My wife left me on March 24th after almost 10 yrs. dating, of which over 5 yrs. of that in Marriage. She left me stranded with our 3 yr. old son miles away from family and no phone or money. Later she would return and take my son away and never let me see him. Along with all of our belongings. Eventually we lost the Apartment.
I ended up in Emergency protective custody for suicide, for 5 days. When out for 2 days I went to see my son. While there I pleaded for my wife and I to work things out. In the process her boyfriend assaulted our son (she did not see) by pushing him onto the floor of the other room, onto his face! I went after him and my wife got in my way. So I went for her cell phone to call the police, and I was attacked by her boyfriend. After I freed myself from him, I took off. I was so defeated mentally, that I was back on suicide. I then put myself into the mental hospital for another 5 days. Upon release I was arrested for assualt.
I later took this to a jury trial, and won a not guilty verdict. the charges were 3rd degree assault & disturbing the peace. Before this trial tho my life began to change.
On day I heard about a friend who shot himself dead with a 357. I seemed to go into a trance after hearing the news. I did not feel depressed or angry. Next I knew, I was standing on a bar stool. A noose around my neck. The noose hung 12 feet up on the wall. I kicked out the stool, my feet far off the floor. I wiggled and then Darkness. Death has taken hold.
Numbness stings my whole body. My right hand crushed and bleeding. I'm on the floor but how? The noose broke. God gave me a second chance. You see, a few days before this I asked the Lord for forgiveness, and offered my life to him. I forgot one thing. I still held my son as an Idol ahead of putting God first. I know he knew my heart tho.
I finally understood, and I did end up putting God first. Then God started to reveal himself to me, thru ppl, and gifts. This is also the time I changed churches and found one that had the programs to help.
The 3rd week at this church, a visiting Pastor was giving his sermon. He said God wanted him to change his sermon for this 2nd service. He proceeded to talk about Abraham & Issac from the book of Genesis. About 3/4 of the way thru, he stopped. He said God was speaking thru him. He said he was speaking to one and only one person in the congragation. That this person was going thru the following....
1. Seperation
2. Custody battle
3. going back to work for the 1st time in a long time.(I stayed home and raised our son)
4. divorce
5. suicidal thoughts
6. suicide attempts
7. anxiety ( I suffer from an anxiety disorder )
8. depression
Most ppl would have been convinced with just having 2 or 3 on the list. I had all 8. I knew it was me. But with a congragation of more than 1000 ppl. I told the Lord, "I know, but there are so many here, and I'm sure they feel it is them you are speaking to! I know you are speaking to me."
The pastor said that the Lord wants you to recieve his mercy. After this he continued with his sermon for another 15 min. One of the regular pastors takes over and calls for an impromptude Alter call for Mercy.
I had never been up for an alter call, and really didn't know what one was. I went anyway.Everybody that went up there gathered in the middle. Me, I went of to the far right of the stage. Here I prayed for the next 10 min or so.
As I looked up and stood, the visiting pastors wipes his forehead, and reaches his hand out to me. With confussion, I kindly shake his hand and thank him for the sermon. He says, "No, thank you! And recieve Gods mercy, for I was speaking to you." I wept all the way back to my seat.
In the last 6 months, God has shown me so much Love and Mercy. He has provided me with a car, $3000 in the bank, and an increase in my VA disability from 20% to 60% ( that's $199 to $850 a month ).
I believe God allowed all those things to be taken away, and all my trails to happen, for the one purpose, of bringing me back to him. This allowed me to get my relationship right with him!I'm still a work in progress as he continues to mold me.
You will never be able to convince me the Lord is not real! He is alive today!
I have come a long way in the last 6 months. I don't have a lot of bible knowledge, but what I do know is that GOD is truely there for us. We need to believe with a child like heart. As a child believes without seeing. If we knew what God was doing we would not trust him, but take for granted he is there. We don't trust, but rather know, that a hot burner will burn our hand if touched. To trust implies that we have no assurance that things will turn out the way we expect. Trust can only be attained through Faith. Faith in God whom we can not see.
God will use the trials of your life for GOOD! He is always faithful. Even when we do things wrong or bad, God will use them for GOOD. Search your heart and leave to the LORD what is his. Recieve his mercy!
GOD BLESS YOU & KEEP YOU JustMe!
You are WONDERFUL!
You are in my Prayers.
bg
--------------------
Equip yourself to live in this thankless and non-understanding world!
Posts: 3 | From: Omaha, NE | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged | 
|
Printer-friendly view of this topic
