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Author Topic: Please pray for "justme" Kindgo Advanced Member Member # 2 posted                       I am praying too! We care about you Please post and tell us how you are... -------------------- God bless, Kindgo Inside the will of God there is no failure. Outside the will of God there is no success. Posts: 4320 | From: Sunny Florida | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Pastor Dave Advanced Member Member # 965 posted                          You havn't posted in a while now, please post and let us know what God is doing in your life. I am praying for you daily that God will send you joy and comfort in the Name of our Saviour the Lord Jesus. -------------------- Your servant in Jesus our Christ, Pastor Dave John 3:3 "Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. Posts: 273 | From: Niles, Michigan | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged |  Pastor Dave Advanced Member Member # 965 posted                          Justme, Grace to you and peace from God our Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ. I am praying for you and asking God to move in your life. Jesus is the Healer and the Holy Spirit will lead you and guide you through this trouble. There are so many wonderful Christians praying for you from this message board and I can't think of anything that they have missed. So I join them in prayer for you and I will continue to pray for you every day until you overcome this desire to kill yourself. Know this Justme that you are loved by your brothers and sisters in Christ and we care about you. Please let us know how you are doing. The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. Amen -------------------- Your servant in Jesus our Christ, Pastor Dave John 3:3 "Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. Posts: 273 | From: Niles, Michigan | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged |  MosesN'me Advanced Member Member # 242 posted                          thank you jesus for "justme" and hank yu for answering all he prayers thathave ben said for "justme" we praise you ,glory to you the most high!! tyj -------------------- " Peace b With U " visit site at www.amen2that.faithweb.com Posts: 26 | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Hannahgirl Advanced Member Member # 756 posted                       Just me....you still around ? Give us a HOLLER and let us know how you are ? I pray you are on a brand new road to HEALTH and Spiritual prosperity, and emotional healing and just do not have time to write us. Write when you can ! -------------------- God's Best Blessings to you all, Hannahgirl (His handmaid) "The power of life and death are in the TONGUE". Posts: 224 | From: The South | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Kindgo Advanced Member Member # 2 posted                       Hey justme, I am still praying for you... please post, so we know you are alright! -------------------- God bless, Kindgo Inside the will of God there is no failure. Outside the will of God there is no success. Posts: 4320 | From: Sunny Florida | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  CRfan Community Member Member # 20 posted                    Hi JustMe, I've prayed for you, and I hope things are going better for you. Please let us know how you are. Psalm 116 is a great chapter for you to read. Maybe someone has mentioned it already or would like to put it on this thread? Don't give up on the race. God is with you and many have been praying for you. Keep hoping in God. He will help you. -------------------- CRfan Posts: 16 | From: CA, U.S.A. | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  bgbiz New Member Member # 777 posted                       For JustMe, Faith I did not always have. Sometimes I did not want to even believe. It's funny tho, how we get mad at a God. Even non-believers, get mad at God whom they chose not to believe. In a way they really do want to believe I suppose. This year has been long and the most trying of my life. So trying, that I attempted sucide 5 times. The last one of which I actually completed. This past March I lost eveything that I had worked so hard for ( or That I thought I fought for )and thought was most importnant to me. My wife left me on March 24th after almost 10 yrs. dating, of which over 5 yrs. of that in Marriage. She left me stranded with our 3 yr. old son miles away from family and no phone or money. Later she would return and take my son away and never let me see him. Along with all of our belongings. Eventually we lost the Apartment. I ended up in Emergency protective custody for suicide, for 5 days. When out for 2 days I went to see my son. While there I pleaded for my wife and I to work things out. In the process her boyfriend assaulted our son (she did not see) by pushing him onto the floor of the other room, onto his face! I went after him and my wife got in my way. So I went for her cell phone to call the police, and I was attacked by her boyfriend. After I freed myself from him, I took off. I was so defeated mentally, that I was back on suicide. I then put myself into the mental hospital for another 5 days. Upon release I was arrested for assualt. I later took this to a jury trial, and won a not guilty verdict. the charges were 3rd degree assault & disturbing the peace. Before this trial tho my life began to change. On day I heard about a friend who shot himself dead with a 357. I seemed to go into a trance after hearing the news. I did not feel depressed or angry. Next I knew, I was standing on a bar stool. A noose around my neck. The noose hung 12 feet up on the wall. I kicked out the stool, my feet far off the floor. I wiggled and then Darkness. Death has taken hold. Numbness stings my whole body. My right hand crushed and bleeding. I'm on the floor but how? The noose broke. God gave me a second chance. You see, a few days before this I asked the Lord for forgiveness, and offered my life to him. I forgot one thing. I still held my son as an Idol ahead of putting God first. I know he knew my heart tho. I finally understood, and I did end up putting God first. Then God started to reveal himself to me, thru ppl, and gifts. This is also the time I changed churches and found one that had the programs to help. The 3rd week at this church, a visiting Pastor was giving his sermon. He said God wanted him to change his sermon for this 2nd service. He proceeded to talk about Abraham & Issac from the book of Genesis. About 3/4 of the way thru, he stopped. He said God was speaking thru him. He said he was speaking to one and only one person in the congragation. That this person was going thru the following.... 1. Seperation 2. Custody battle 3. going back to work for the 1st time in a long time.(I stayed home and raised our son) 4. divorce 5. suicidal thoughts 6. suicide attempts 7. anxiety ( I suffer from an anxiety disorder ) 8. depression Most ppl would have been convinced with just having 2 or 3 on the list. I had all 8. I knew it was me. But with a congragation of more than 1000 ppl. I told the Lord, "I know, but there are so many here, and I'm sure they feel it is them you are speaking to! I know you are speaking to me." The pastor said that the Lord wants you to recieve his mercy. After this he continued with his sermon for another 15 min. One of the regular pastors takes over and calls for an impromptude Alter call for Mercy. I had never been up for an alter call, and really didn't know what one was. I went anyway.Everybody that went up there gathered in the middle. Me, I went of to the far right of the stage. Here I prayed for the next 10 min or so. As I looked up and stood, the visiting pastors wipes his forehead, and reaches his hand out to me. With confussion, I kindly shake his hand and thank him for the sermon. He says, "No, thank you! And recieve Gods mercy, for I was speaking to you." I wept all the way back to my seat. In the last 6 months, God has shown me so much Love and Mercy. He has provided me with a car, $3000 in the bank, and an increase in my VA disability from 20% to 60% ( that's $199 to $850 a month ). I believe God allowed all those things to be taken away, and all my trails to happen, for the one purpose, of bringing me back to him. This allowed me to get my relationship right with him!I'm still a work in progress as he continues to mold me. You will never be able to convince me the Lord is not real! He is alive today! I have come a long way in the last 6 months. I don't have a lot of bible knowledge, but what I do know is that GOD is truely there for us. We need to believe with a child like heart. As a child believes without seeing. If we knew what God was doing we would not trust him, but take for granted he is there. We don't trust, but rather know, that a hot burner will burn our hand if touched. To trust implies that we have no assurance that things will turn out the way we expect. Trust can only be attained through Faith. Faith in God whom we can not see. God will use the trials of your life for GOOD! He is always faithful. Even when we do things wrong or bad, God will use them for GOOD. Search your heart and leave to the LORD what is his. Recieve his mercy! GOD BLESS YOU & KEEP YOU JustMe! You are WONDERFUL! You are in my Prayers. bg -------------------- Equip yourself to live in this thankless and non-understanding world! Posts: 3 | From: Omaha, NE | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged |  jesusluvsme Advanced Member Member # 359 posted                       DEAR JustMe. I just had to reply and I am sorry for all you are going through. all I can say that it is not the answer to yo problems and you have the right to life, to breathe and you can fight it. I cannot say I know how you are feeling but I have been there myself and I have done things to take away the pain and even my life eg taking pills but it did not make things better. remember life is God's gift to you. don't throw it away please. Love Jlm. -------------------- the purpose of life is to live a life of purpose. Posts: 66 | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Kindgo Advanced Member Member # 2 posted                       justme, I wanted to tell you that we are all praying for you...Please let us hear how you are? Jesus loves you, and He is coming soon! -------------------- God bless, Kindgo Inside the will of God there is no failure. Outside the will of God there is no success. Posts: 4320 | From: Sunny Florida | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  CRfan Community Member Member # 20 posted                    Hi Justme, Thought I'd let you know I'm thinking of you, and I hope you'll post here again soon. I don't come on here too often, but I do check to see how you're doing sometimes. Keep looking up. -------------------- CRfan Posts: 16 | From: CA, U.S.A. | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Hannahgirl unregistered posted                 Oh I soooooooo glad Justme.... You can actually read the whole thing right there on that site, but I hope you'll order one too......I have to read my often. Co-dependency is not always about Alcohol as you will learn. Co-dependency comes in all forms and shapes. ALL OF US suffer from it to some degree. I was BADDDDDDDDDDD !!! But no more.... I am now only trying to PLEASE GOD and I let God take care of MAN. Love you, let me know how it goes okay ? Praying for you and thinking of you again, IP: Logged |  justme Community Member Member # 674 posted                       I read the intro... copdependency... I never thought of it that way. Yes I will order the booklet, thanks for referring me to it. Posts: 11 | From: maryland | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Hannahgirl unregistered posted                 Hey Justme.... I would encourage you with my whole heart to order this little booklet...it's free and it has set me free. You ask how you do this ? Let people go, get it all in perspective, turn it all over to the Lord....and it's all in this little booklet. It has drastically changed my life and relationships and will set YOU TRULY FREE. http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/cb021/index.shtml It will help you walk through the PROCESS of HOW TO learn this new healthy, free, trusting way to live. I do so pray you will order it and that it will set you as free as it has me. There's not enough hours of counseling to compare with what you will learn in this precious, priceless little booklet.....though counseling is not a bad thing, and necessary sometimes. Hope you are feeling better ......thinking of you, IP: Logged |  CRfan Community Member Member # 20 posted                    Hi Justme, I just thought I'd let you know I'm still praying for you. Do you like music? There are a lot of encouraging songs out there that have comforting words. Music really can lift my spirits and help me to focus on God. I hope things will start to improve with your relationships. Sometimes it helps to pray for people who you don't like. It can change a person's attitude somewhat. The Bible does say to love your enemies and to pray for those who spitefully use you. Also, to do good to your enemies. It will heap burning coals on their heads. It really does say that! You know praying doesn't always mean someone else will change, but it does change us sometimes - the way we feel. Anyway, keep looking up, and take some time to do something fun that you enjoy. -------------------- CRfan Posts: 16 | From: CA, U.S.A. | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  njclary unregistered posted                 Justme: A good counsellor WILL NOT have you discuss your problems in front of your family!! It should be private!! The counsellor should deal individually until that counsellor sees the common ground. I will pray for that. God Bless Joel IP: Logged |  justme Community Member Member # 674 posted                       NJClary, thank you for your post to people to are hurting. You're right that the problem needs to be approached from both angles. My family is already planning to see a counselor, but it makes me feel uneasy... I can't see myself discussing my feelings with my whole family sitting there. We'll see how it goes. Thanks Kingdo, for the link to that post. Sojourner, you have a lot of good advice. I will certainly implement them into my life. Posts: 11 | From: maryland | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Sojourner Advanced Member Member # 19 posted                       Naturally you care. I am a sensitive person myself and so I get hurt easily by people. I have a prayer from my counselor you can try- it really helps me because it reminds me that I have been forgiven much. "Father, I choose in my own heart to forgive (names) for hurting me, disappointing me, betraying me, ignoring me, being cruel and insensitive to me or anything else anyone has done to me. I choose to forgive them the way YOU have been so gracious to forgive me." "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32 This take the new, spiritually alive you. The spiritually dead are unable to forgive. And you have to do it every time the bitterness wells up inside you. "Father, forgive me for my wrong responses to those who have hurt me." a. evil for evil or b. good for evil- "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21 "Lord, I'm trusting that with YOUR help I can handle this just for today." "Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34 This is something I had to keep reminding myself of during my nervous breakdown- one day at a time. "Lord, I feel _____, but what is the loving thing I need to do? Love is patient, kind, does not keep a record of wrongs, is not easily provoked, does not give up, does not insist on its own way, is not ill-mannered, rude or jealous." I Cor. 13:4-5 And remember, you can't trust your feelings. "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered." Prov. 28:26 But you can trust in God. "This is what the Lord says: 'Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. he will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. it has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:5-8 First, immediately thank God for the trial. "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance produces character; and character produces hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our heartsy by the Holy Spirit, Whom He has given us. Rom. 5:3-5 When we rejoice and thank God for the suffering, we acknowledge He is at work in our lives using this trial to refine and mature us. This is trusting God which is our shield of faith that takes away the trial's ability to disable us. It completely changes the way we view a trial from seeing it as a horror to seeing it as God's way of maturing us. "in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming missiles of the the evil one." Eph. 6:16 By thanking God for the trial you will guarantee that you will not sin by reacting, retaliating, whining, complaining, blaming, beome impatient and take control so you will get what you want or to make sure you don't get hurt again. Second, pray to forgive the person in your own heart so God's love that has been poured into your heart will not be constrained. "---his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart. Luke 6:45b "but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ, Eph. 4:15 Finally, you will be free to go on ministering, serving, loving and returning good for evil, but expecting nothing (nada). (Rom. 12:21) As a result: The ability of the trial to disable will be removed. There will be peace (Isaiah 26:3- The steadfast of mind, Thou wilt keep in perfect peace, because He trusts in Thee.) You will focus on Jesus- "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith" Heb. 12:2a You will not be overcome by evil. Rom. 12:21 You will respond out of God's unfailing love that has been poured into your heart rather than reacting out of bitterness, anger, hurt fear or pride. Posts: 276 | From: CA, U.S.A. | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Kindgo Advanced Member Member # 2 posted                       web page -------------------- God bless, Kindgo Inside the will of God there is no failure. Outside the will of God there is no success. Posts: 4320 | From: Sunny Florida | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  njclary unregistered posted                 Justme; Please go the 'Jesus loves you column. and read a post I have made to you and others who are hurting so bad. It was easier to write to the many hurting souls here than doing it individually, Hanna and the others please go there too. God Bless Joel IP: Logged |  justme Community Member Member # 674 posted                       Yes, logically that all makes sense, but how do I hand it all over to Him? Do I just pray "Dear Lord please take all my burdens", because I've done that and I don't think it helps. Believe me, I want to let go of it all, but I don't know how. And I don't know how to stop getting hurt or angry every time someone does something to hurt me. I try not to care, but I do. Posts: 11 | From: maryland | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Hannahgirl unregistered posted                 Just me....I understand that you cannot read the bible right now....but just read this one scripture: I Co. 3:16 - Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? 17. If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple. THIS IS SUICIDE !!! Destroying one's own temple (body). The demons from Hell that have plaqued your life are just waiting to give you the full meal deal...this has only been an appetizer. If death would have gotten me out of my misery, I would have certainly done it myself...and tried it once and was saved by about 3 minutes. My eyes had already set and I was foaming at the mouth. I was 21 years old and it was my very first Mother's Day when I learned that my husband had had another baby with another girl in Alaska where he was stationed in the Air Force. I had already been brutally beaten in my first marriage by an acoholic at the tender age of 18. Now, after suffering through 13 years of HELL on earth with my son, my only son, whom I love, and seeing him delivered and brought into the Kingdom, he married a girl who has destroyed EVERYTHING I worked with everything in me to build for 30 alone with my son. He has been turned wickely against me and my husband and we have been estranged for over 3 years now and he lives 10 minutes from me. I know the suffering of others doesn't mean anything when you feel like this....but this is just a TIDBIT, just the beginning of my wretched and painful life and of my testimony and I promise you I can ONE UP YA til the cows come home and then there's somebody that can one up me til the cows come home...and WE HAVE ALL SUFFERED...it is promised in God's WORD. I have now found FREEDOM in CHRIST through even the MOST BRUTAL OF PAIN in my life and have JOY and PEACE that truly is PASSING UNDERSTANDING...but it did NOT HAPPEN UNTIL.....I GAVE IT ALL TO HIM...my pain, my hurt, my disappointment, my rage, my sorrow....and left it with HIM to deal with. We cannot get that PEACE as long as we hang on to it. WE MUST TRADE IT FOR THE JOY OF THE LORD. YOU MUST LET IT ALL GO......AND LET GOD have it and RECEIVE HIS LOVE AND HEALING FOR YOU...and GIVE ALL THE PEOPLE TO HIM to deal with too. He's big enough.....trust me. I could tell you horror story, after horror story of my life and loss....but I realize now that's it's no longer about ME....it's ALL ABOUT HIM...and it's not about the PEOPLE here in our lives either....it's about HIM AND ME. I DID NOT FIND THIS AWESOME PEACE AND JOY UNTIL I STOPPED PUTTING MY HOPE in PEOPLE. WHEN HE IS YOUR ALL IN ALL...EVERYTHING ...there is no disappointment....only HOPE for a Land filled with MILK and HONEY and overflowing with LOVE. When we look to people.....we will always, always, always be disappointed....and HURT...so we must get that all in perspective.....and cut the strings to EARTHLY MATTERS.....and KEEP OUR EYES ON JESUS...the only one who will not disappoint. REMEMBER....Jesus said...don't even come to me and not hate your Mother, brother, Father.....what HE MEANT is: our love and devotion to them must look like hatred in comparison to our love for him. We can only TRULY Love people when there are no strings attached and our HOPE IS JESUS ....not THE PERSON or PERSONS....YES....even our parents....which by the way....I have received the MOST PERSECUTION FOR MY FAITH FROM MY OWN MOTHER. SHE HAS MADE MY LIFE A HELL ON EARTH and turned every human being in my family against me with her tongue and lies. I have no one except my precious and Godly husband of 17 years now. AND EVEN HE cannot satisfy. NO ONE CAN....FIX YOUR EYES ON JESUS and ALLOW HIM TO LOVE YOU. RECEIVE HIS LOVE....HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL NEVER LEAVE OR FORSAKE YOU. WELL, I've said wayyyyyyyyyyyyy more than I intended to......I have struggled with the spirit of suicide for most of my life....but no more. I have FIBRO too....live in un-explainable hell on earth in pain all over my body and still I rejoice....YOU CAN TOO. I PRAY YOU WILL FIND THIS PEACE...in JESUS NAME.... IP: Logged |  Sojourner Advanced Member Member # 19 posted                       "There is no pit too deep that He is not deeper still." "The experiences of our lives,when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do." Corrie Ten Boom (who saw her sister die in concentration camp after being beaten by a guard and was released from camp herself due to a clerical "error") My counselor says, " The bigger your expectations of people are the less peace and serenity you will have. Hopefully that would teach you the futility of expecting human beings to do what is right and you will greatly lower your expectations of people and increaxe your dependence on the Lord and you will have great peace because your hope is resting on an eternal being, not on a human being." JustMe, I have been praying for you and I want you to know He is our reason to live! He loves you so much. I hope He will use you in great ways. I think you said you have a job making good money- well there is great joy in giving! There's a harvest out there waiting to be reaped, but laborers need funds to go and reap! Or perhaps you'd like to go yourself and rock-a-bye aids orphans in Africa or help street children in Brazil? May God bless you richly- and don't forget to keep a journal handy for Bible verses that jump out at you! Posts: 276 | From: CA, U.S.A. | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Lost Advanced Member Member # 343 posted                       hey justme!! sounds so wonderful to hear that you are doing better. Jer 29:13 is my life verse and it goes, "You will seek me and you will find me if you seek me with all your heart." i've taken this to heart and sought real hard this last year and a half or so and my faith has grown big time. but hey, if you wouldn't mind sending me a private message with a mailing address for you i would appreciate it. see tonight at Bible study pastor art threw down a great message and the whole time i knew it was for you so i bought you a tape and i want to send it to you. much love and God bless. lost -------------------- The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life. - Rev 22:17 Posts: 115 | From: Los Angeles/San Diego, CA | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged |  justme Community Member Member # 674 posted                       I grew up in Potomac, and currently reside in Gaithersburg. Posts: 11 | From: maryland | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged |  DQKid Community Member Member # 697 posted                       justme... I'm glad to hear that you aren't feeling very suicidal anymore!! That is wonderful! I will be praying for you. (Where in Maryland are you from?) -------------------- DQ Kid Posts: 9 | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged |  justme Community Member Member # 674 posted                       Thank you everyone, from the bottom of my heart. I can't believe how much you have been praying for me. Today, I had a moment when I was truly at peace with my world and God. I felt like I could love my parents. I knew that this was the way I was supposed to see things. It was a brief moment and I can't seem to bring that feeling back, but I was amazed at how different I felt. It was just a matter of a different perspective. I think I will try to pray, read the bible, and be filled with the Holy Spirit... just try my hardest to seek God, and maybe I can recapture that mindset. Anyways, my strength is increasing and I'm not feeling very suicidal anymore. Thanks again to everyone, words can not describe how grateful I am. Posts: 11 | From: maryland | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Joyell New Member Member # 430 posted                       Dear Justme, To hear you say you "have enough strength to put up a fight", makes me want to stand up and shout for joy. This is the most wonderful news, the best Christmas present I will receive this year. I hear what you are saying, you are still weak from suffering. But that is alright. We are here to cheer you on in this battle. You are going to get stronger every day. I am so proud of you! The Lord is faithful. I praise the Lord for the work He is doing in your life. You are so valuable to Him, and to all of us. I love you and I continue to pray for you. Posts: 6 | From: Georgia | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged |  DQKid Community Member Member # 697 posted                       Justme, I'm praying my hardest for you. In October of this year, I wanted to kill myself more than anything. I prayed and prayed that God would just 'let me die'. Instead , HE stepped in the night I tried to kill myself and would not let me go through with it. He had better plans for me. You are so right when you said 'God really works in weird ways sometimes.' On November 10th of this year I asked Him into my life. My depression is still there, but I know I can depend on Him. Justme... HE has better plans for you. I know HE does. Please don't give into the lies of Satan when he tells you to 'give up'. I will pray for you daily. You are so precious in God's eyes. He loves you sooo much. Send me a PM if you think I could help you out in ANY way. I care for you and wish only the best for you. I'm glad that you are doing a little better. Like I said before, I will be praying for you. -------------------- DQ Kid Posts: 9 | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Daughter-of-The-King Advanced Member Member # 663 posted                       justme, we all love you. i've prayed for you all day, and will do so as long as you need it. remember the joy you have in Christ. the thoughts you have come from the enemy. if you feel that you are slipping back, think of the joy the enemy is trying to take from you. tell them to shut up and start to pray. i'm so happy that you are feeling better. you are a blessing to the Body of Christ In Him Posts: 29 | From: Texas | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Kindgo Advanced Member Member # 2 posted                       I'm actually crying as I'm writing this. Me too! Thank YOU Jesus, for answered prayers justme, we all will continue to pray for you, you make sure you stay in contact with us, we want to know how you are.We love you and care about you...you see we have the Holy Spirit indwelling in us, He is working through us, He loves you so much. Have you gotten in touch with Bearer (Mary) She can help you on a more personal level. Send her an e-mail! Look up Jesus is coming soon! -------------------- God bless, Kindgo Inside the will of God there is no failure. Outside the will of God there is no success. Posts: 4320 | From: Sunny Florida | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  justme Community Member Member # 674 posted                       Maybe your prayers are working... I'm actually crying as I'm writing this. Things were getting really bad in the past couple of days, and I thought I couldn't even wait for my "departure date". Today I had a huge blowout with my dad, and he decided to make an appointment with a Christian family counselor. I'm wondering if maybe I was supposed to move back in with my family so that we can get the help we need. Some other things happened today too, that seemed like God was telling me not to do it. I won't go into details, but God really works in weird ways sometimes. I feel a lot of love and encouragement from you guys. Thanks for the bible verses, prayers, personal testimonies, and biblical advice. I still feel precarious, like I could easily decide to go through with it. But I also feel like I have a little bit of strength to put up a fight. You people really might have saved my life. Please continue to pray for me, if you can remember to. I know it's not going to be easy. Posts: 11 | From: maryland | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Joyell New Member Member # 430 posted                       Dear Justme, I believe that you have shut down your emotions because the pain is too great. That is why you don't care, and why you have a hard time forming emotional attachment to anyone. You have done the only thing you could do to protect yourself. Go to a reputable pastor, and talk to him about the suffering you have endured. Tell him that you need emotional support right now more than anything. If you could be surrounded by true christians, and let them love you, this would begin to melt the barrier you have put around your heart. When we have a need, we should meet that same need in someone else. Volunteer in a soup kitchen, or homeless shelter, orphanage, local food and clothes distribution center. God blesses us when we bless others. He sends our blessings back to us, "twenty, forty, sixty and hundred fold". When you feel good about something you have done, your self esteem increases. I love you and I am praying for you. I have tremendous hope for you!! God be with you, my child. Posts: 6 | From: Georgia | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Sojourner Advanced Member Member # 19 posted                       Just Me, I know you don't feel like reading the Bible. I didn't either when the enemy was lying to me and I was soooo depressed. But force yourself! You'll be rewarded if you read with an open heart. I started a journal during my nervous breakdown and have in it so many verses that were of comfort to me- something I could grasp at because God loves me. Here are some samples from the journal during that time. Maybe you could start one for yourself! Ps. 18:1-6, 16-19 " I love you, O Lord, my STRENGTH." The Lord is my ROCK and my FORTRESS and my DELIVERER, my GOD, my ROCK IN WHOM I TAKE REFUGE; my SHIELD and the horn of my SALVATION, my STRONGHOLD. I call upon the Lord, Who is WORTHY TO BE PRAISED, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of DEATH encompassed me, and the TORRENTS of ungodliness TERRIFIED me. The CORDS of Sheol surrounded me; the snares of death confronted me. In my DISTRESS, I called upon the Lord, and cried to my God for HELP; He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry for help before Him came into His ears...HE SENT FROM ON HIGH, HE TOOK ME; HE DREW ME OUT OF MANY WATERS. He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, BUT THE LORD WAS MY STAY. He brought me forth also into a broad place; HE RESCUED ME, BECAUSE HE DELIGHTED IN ME. from Psalm 31 "In You, O Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be ashamed; in Your righteousness deliver me. Incline Your ear to me, RESCUE ME QUICKLY; BE TO ME A ROCK OF STRENGTH, A STRONGHOLD TO SAVE ME. For You are my rock and my fortress; for Your Name's sake You will lead and guide me. YOU WILL PULL ME OUT OF THE NET which they have secretly laid for me, for You are my strength. Into Your hand I commit my spirit; YOU HAVE RANSOMED ME, OF LORD, GOD OF TRUTH....I trust in the Lord. Be GRACIOUS to me, O Lord, for I am in DISTRESS; my eye is wasted away from grief, my soul and my body also...I trust in You, O Lord, I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in Your hand... Make Your face to shine upon Your servant; SAVE ME in YOUR LOVINGKINDNESS. Let me not be put to shame, O Lord, for I call upon You; LET THE WICKED BE PUT TO SHAME, LET THEM BE SILENT IN SHEOL. LET LYING LIPS BE MUTE, which speak arrogantly against the righteous with pride and contempt. HOW GREAT IS YOUR GOODNESS, WHICH YOU HAVE STORED UP FOR THOSE WHO FEAR YOU, WHICH YOU HAVE WROUGHT FOR THOSE WHO TAKE REFUGE IN YOU, BEFORE THE SONS OF MEN! YOU HIDE THEM IN THE SECRET PLACE OF YOUR PRESENCE from the conspiracies of man; YOU KEEP THEM SECRETLY IN A SHELTER from the strife of tongues. Blessed be the Lord, for He has made marvelous His lovingkindness to me... from Ps. 25 " My eyes are continually toward tthe Lord, for He will pluck my feet out of the net. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Look upon my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. Look upon my enemies, for they are many; and they hate me with violent hatred. Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in Thee. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for Thee." From Ps. 118 "From my distress I called upon the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me in a large place. The Lord is for me; I will not fear; what can man do to me? The Lord is for me among those who help me. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. ....You pushed me violently so that I was falling, but the LORD HELPED ME. The Lord is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation. The right hand of the Lord is exalted; the right hand of the Lord does valiantly. I WILL NOT DIE, BUT LIVE, AND TELL OF THE WORKS OF THE LORD. From Romans 15 "Now may the GOD OF HOPE FILL YOU WITH JOY AND PEACE IN BELIEVING, THAT YOU MAY ABOUND IN HOPE BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. Don't give up! He is my reason to live. Let Him be yours too! Posts: 276 | From: CA, U.S.A. | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  CRfan Community Member Member # 20 posted                    Just Me, Depression has a way of affecting our outlook on life. I have two good books to recommend to you. One is a book co-authored by Joni Eareckson Tada and Steven Estes called When God Weeps. The other is a book by Joni called When Is It Right To Die? I know that thoughts can be a battleground and a person wants peace. When I struggle with thoughts, I try to think Bible verses; such as, The steadfast of mind Thou wilt keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in Thee. When it's an evil thought, here's a good verse, Resist the devil and he will flee, or Establish my footsteps in Your Word, and do not let any iniquity have dominion over me. I am sorry you have been abused. You need to get out of the home of your parents. There will always be hypocrites, but that's not Jesus. I'm sorry you have had such a bad example. If you have anorexia (meaning you feel sick when you are thin because you haven't been eating), please get medical help. Joni Eareckson Tada is someone who wanted to die when she was paralyzed as a teenager, but now she says that the day she became paralyzed was the best day of her life. God has used her more than most, and God could be preparing you to be used to help other abused and depressed people. Here's a quote from a Dr. Joseph Stowell about the book, When God Weeps. "Trouble has a way of damaging our perception of and appreciation of God. But never again-not after reading this book. By two who have cut through the fog to see God clearly even when it hurts, we are led to know His love, tears, and ultimately, His joy." You don't have to go through with your plans. We care about you. Jesus cares about you. He doesn't want you to throw in the towel. Fight the good fight of faith. There is always time to change your mind. Get into a good church. You are at the end of yourself, now is the the time to give your life, your problems, your depression over to the One Who can make a difference. One who cares so much for you, He suffered more than you can imagine. You have been kicked. Jesus was flogged. He was spit at. He had a crown of thorns placed on His head. His Father turned away from Him while He suffered for you on the cross. You and I could never imagine that pain. He asked forgiveness for the people who crucified Him. He knows what you're going through. You can shine brighter by learning to trust Him when life doesn't make sense. Maybe your family doesn't love you, but they aren't God. Please read these books, and put away thoughts of suicide. What you are looking for is love. God offers love, but he also demands your obedience. You can't say you love God on one hand, and that you don't love Him by disobeying Him and killing yourself. Get involved in a healthy well-balanced church. Ask God to help you to desire to want to read and to read His Word. He is ready to help you, and there are many Christian brothers and sisters ready to help you to live. You are not alone. I have prayed for you, and so have others. -------------------- CRfan Posts: 16 | From: CA, U.S.A. | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Lost Advanced Member Member # 343 posted                       justme, during my daily devotion, God jumped this off the page for you: Psalm 34:17,18 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit. just a bit of encouragment. please open up your Bible and read it. and pray to the Lord. it doesn't take willpower. that's satan trying to keep you from your only chance at a way out of this mess. so please pray and read. we're all praying for you. lost -------------------- The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life. - Rev 22:17 Posts: 115 | From: Los Angeles/San Diego, CA | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Ntercesser Advanced Member Member # 332 posted                       Justme, you're not alone. I was there, my g/f of 2 years was there; the abuse, the lack of love, the lack of caring, and the want for death. We still carry the emotional, and physical, scars of those choices. The biggest lies we believe was that death would end our suffering. That's a permenant solution to a temporary problem. read it, i wrote it right I still have the scars all up and down my arm from the knife cuts i gave myself, and the low self esteem my father gave me. I have the memories of the abuse, verbal and physical. My g/f bears the scars of red hot safety pins and the memories of overdosing on anything she could find. She, sadly, still lives with the abuse, which comes from her mother and the abandonment of friends who no longer care, but mostly from her mom. The Bible tells about Hell. A place under the earth of eternal suffering. I know you know the words, but do you know the meaning? burning, yes burning, in cumbusting sulfur with no flame at 1041 °C (1906 °F), forever, without end. Its known you believe in God and been implied that you believe in Jesus, having spoken about "once saved always saved" so i hope you believe in Him. If you do, then do you know that you cost the Blood of a King? Jesus is the Word, the bible, made flesh came to earth from Heaven to be tortured and torn up for you. He loves you. He is not the one who beat you, nor is He the one who fosake you. He loves you more than He loves Himself. i fear i've said too much, but the point is this, you are at war with Satan and his minions. Satan is attacking you, not because he hates you, but because Luciferknows God loves you so very very much that he is using you to hurt God. I am truely sorry you are going through this and will keep you in constant prayer. But you cling to Jesus and He will love you in more ways than you or I can conceive. He will never, never, never leave you, but you can leave Him. I hope my long-windedness has been of some good. You are precious and beautiful, no matter what scars there are. He loves you and hopefully you will find that we love you as well, but no where near as much, but still a great deal. The reason I'm writing is b/c only young lady e-mailed me, b/c she feel her single voice was not enough to convey the love and concern she feels for you and she doesn't even know you peace be unto you dear child of the Most High. me P.S. no one is born homosexual, as no one is born with earrings. you choose, just as you chose salvation. been there too love ya Posts: 66 | From: in Texas,wanting the UK, praying for Home | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged |  helpforhomeschoolers Advanced Member Member # 15 posted                          Dear justme: What you are experiencing and have been experiencing since childhood is the work of Satan and the other demonic forces of darkness. Suicide will get you more of this!!!! Suicide amounts to setting on God's throne in control over life itself; it is a slap in the face of God who created your life for a purpose; HIS purpose...one which by the way you have not yet found, but I will guarantee you that everything your life has been has been a preparation for that purpose and this is why the enemy wants you so bad. I believe that suicide is an evil spirit that works with other evil spirits like that of depression, and thier ultimate goal is the earthly life and eternal soul of those whom they torment. I want to address some of your specific comments: ______________________________________________ I know life is the Lord's to give and to take away, but since I didn't even ask to be born, I feel that the least amount of free will that I should have a right to is death. _____________________________________________ You can believe this lie if you choose; but if what you say of your education and intelligence is true you have the equipment to know that this is a LIE from Hell! None of us asked to be born; we are all born at the pleasure of the Father God and for HIS purpose and glory. You have the free will to choose life eternal in His glory and without pain through Christ and with that comes peace, wholeness, and joy by the power of His Spirit in this earthly life. The Bible teaches that love, peace, joy and patience are the fruit produced by His Holy Spirit in our lives; these are the result of His presence in our life, nothing more or less. If cannot see these attributes in yourself and your life, then I would first begin by looking at why you do not see His presence in your life and person. _________________________________________________ If God wants brokeness, he's been doing a great job. The very people who are supposed to be my support and nurturers in life are the ones hurting me every day. ________________________________________________ Frankly, I do not hear brokeness. I hear control. Because we have not had control to stop our abuse or the destruction that continues from it late in life and long after we get away from the abuser,control become a major thing we seek. We often seek it in power in relationships; in job done well; in education and brain power; in beauty and sexual prowess. But when our lives utlitmately fall apart as they inevitably will because they are built on faulty foundations, then Satan comes in and uses a lie...the lie that he often uses against those of us who have been abused by those who were supposed to nurture us is that we can have ultimate control in death. IT IS A LIE!!!!!!! Satan really does not care about you or your life; his enemy is God and he is hurting God by and through you. The truth is the only control that we can have is through surrender of our control, our self solutions to Christ. God does love you and does have a purpose for your life; To experience the fullness and joy of God in our lives we have to surrender control to Him; this is surrender of mind, will and body. But we are living sacrifices! We cannot surrender control and claim control through suicide. The two ideas are antithesis of each other. _________________________________________________ I figure that as long as I know that I'm a sinner and need Christ, I'm saved till the end... there's no action I could perform to gain salvation, there's no action I can perform to lose it either. I think God's love and grace is sufficient to save me. _________________________________________________ Knowing this that you have written above is a knowing in your deepest being; and that requires surrender of self to Christ; it is not a knowing of knowledge that even the demons have. The Bible says we are not to tempt the Lord our God. Committing suicide and claiming grace amounts to tempting God. You are saying; I hate this life you have given me and I am going to take control from you and end it now, but you save my eternal soul because you said you would. God does not work this way. You cannot resist Him and surrender your will to His simultaneously. You cannot serve two masters and right now the state of life that you describe does not reflect one that God is master of. ----------------------------------------------- quote:I'm so despondent these days that I can hardly eat. I've gotten too skinny and when I try to eat I feel like vomiting. _________________________________________________ The Bible also says you cannot enter a strong man's house unless you first bind the master of the house. It seems that you have been bound ophysically and emotionally. You do have control though it is not in death; it is in Christ shed blood and mighty name. You can claim this control and all that goes with it by recognizing who you are at war with and it is not your earthly mother and father. _______________________________________________ What's the point of making good money, so I can feed myself, pay bills and be miserable?. __________________________________________ It is God who gives us the power to get wealth so we can be a blessing to others. (HIS purpose) _________________________________________________ And what's the point of being attractive, because here's problem #2... I think I'm a homosexual _________________________________________________ Another lie fron Satan: people are not homosexual; Homosexual activity is a sin; an homosexual is one who sins through homosexual activity. It is not a physical attribute like brown hair. Perhaps the point of being attractive is that you have the gift to minister to others who are caught in the lie that says physical beauty is more important than inner beauty. Many attractive women are hurting in a world that sees them as having everything and you know that beauty is fleeting; when you come to realize the inner beauty that comes with a relationship with Christ is what we are all programed to seek and need and is the only thing that we are fulfilled by, then you will have a powerful message to young girls who hurt. And your beauty will give you an instant in with them. ________________________________________________ I just can't find the willpower to pray and read the bible. _________________________________________________ It does not take wilpower to pray or read the word; when you have a relationship with someone you desire above all to spend time with them. This should be a hugh red flag to you as to where your problem begins. I am praying for you; but you must get on your knees and ask God to show you the truth and His Son; You must recognize that this is spiritual warfare and the enemy is winning at this moment. You must demand that in the name of Jesus these spirits that torment you leave and then you must fill your mind, eyes and ears with Jesus and His Word. You must recognize the sin in your life and repent of it; Forgive and pray for your parents, trying to see them as God sees them and seeking Him to find mercy for them; And you must immediately begin to take your eyes off of your self and put them on who you can serve or bless in the name of Jesus. I know I have said things to you that you do not want to hear; but I pray that the Holy Spirit will move in your heart and help you to see that it is with love that I say them. I have been where you are and have experienced all of what you speak of from the abuse to the depression and suicide thoughts and more without the blessing of beauty. It is not death that you seek my friend, it is Christ and the Peace Joy Hope and Love that only he can bring. You say you believe in Him, but your picture does not reflect that you know him and have a relationship with him. I knew of him for 30 years before I understood that I had to have a relationship with him to find that love peace and joy, and see it manifest in my life. I had to surrender my life to him to be able to be used by him for his purpose and that only when I am operating as a vessel that He can use for His purpose is there true happiness, hope, and purpose in life. One more thing on your parents. They are not good parents that is a fact; They are the ones you have, also a fact. You can blame them for the state of your life and the evil that the enemy who is satan intended through them will continue to manifest itself in your life... or you can forgive them, look for the good that God has purposed for you in spite of them, and find how God has used what the enemy intended for evil to bring blessing to your life and the lives of others. The choice is yours; the one you have made up untill now doesnt seem to be at this point a wise one... could it be that it is time for a new choice? Christ will help you if you let him. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It stops the enemy dead in his tracts, and it allows God to forgive you of your sins and turn the works of the enemy into the Glory of God. God bless you and protect you and shelter you from the evil that seeks to destroy you! May His peace and joy and hope fill your life and may He use you and your life in a mighty way to bring himslef glory and you purpose. Amen. Posts: 4684 | From: Southern Black Hills of South Dakota | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Kindgo Advanced Member Member # 2 posted                       justme, I wanted to tell you I am praying for you! I am very concerned for your soul, please don't do what you are planning! Eternity is a long time to be wrong.... Jesus loves you, please don't let satan win! Where in Maryland do you live? I grew up there. -------------------- God bless, Kindgo Inside the will of God there is no failure. Outside the will of God there is no success. Posts: 4320 | From: Sunny Florida | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  justme Community Member Member # 674 posted                       I wish I could, I really do. But honestly I just don't care. If God wants brokeness, he's been doing a great job. The very people who are supposed to be my support and nurturers in life are the ones hurting me every day. Just last month, my dad told me to kill myself. And you know what's sick... they are missionaries. That's right, they are missionaries with the International Mission Board. And I laugh because they recently got fired nicely from their region (furlough turned permanent) and no other region wants them. I just can't find the willpower to pray and read the bible. My heart is just not there. It makes me groan to imagine my life continuing. I am praying right now before I go to bed for God to kill me in my sleep, cuz I'm going to do it anyway. He might as well save me from sinning. I'm sure that if God wants me alive, he will intervene and there's nothing I can do to stop it. But for now, I'm just too full of negativity, and I only see more pain in my future. I've heard middle aged people say they should have killed themselves when they had the chance when they were younger, b/c it only gets worse... they have to bury whatever dreams they had of what their life should have been, and that's one of the saddest things I've ever heard. My parents have really hurt my faith in God too. If they are so in touch with God, how can they be so blind to their own daughter's pain. When I see them reading the bible, and I think about how dense and hypocritical they are, it makes me sick. Posts: 11 | From: maryland | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Daughter-of-The-King Advanced Member Member # 663 posted                       the more the suffering, the higher the calling. God wants your brokeness so He can make you into the person you were created to be. listen to what He's calling you for. Posts: 29 | From: Texas | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Joyell New Member Member # 430 posted                       Dear Justme, I am heartbroken to read how mistreated you have been. Your mother has something terribly wrong with her to treat a precious child such as yourself the way she did. I am a mother of two, and I wish I could take you in my arms and tell you how precious you truly are. God has a plan for you, something that only you can accomplish. Also, when God has marked someone for a special work, satan tries to destroy that person. When Moses was born, satan tried to have all of the baby boys killed. When Jesus was born, satan tried to have all of the babies killed. Please know that satan has gone overboard to try and destroy you. I believe that you have greatness in you. Find several scriptures in the Bible that speak to your situation, or simply scriptures of God's blessings, and repeat these scriptures out loud, several times a day. EX: "God will make me the head and not the tail", "When I humble myself under that mighty hand of God, he will exalt me in due time." God's word will not return to him void. God bless you tremendously. You are precious, precious, precious!!! Posts: 6 | From: Georgia | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Bearer Advanced Member Member # 40 posted                       Dear Just: I am a Christian Counselor and your situation I admit has been bad. However, there are a lot of people out in the world that are believers that have been through worse that you and are still manageing day by day. My Husband is one and he is presently preaching the gospel. His Father kill his mother when he was three. My husband is blind in one eye and deaf in one ear because of his father beatings. He was beaten with dog chains, canes, anything his father could get his hand on and for no reason at all. He was dragged from orphanage to foster home then back to his father. He endured all this for many years until he was 18 and he left home. These experiences caused him to become an alcoholic, get into drugs, the occult and a number of other things. He also thought that he was a useless individual until he met JESUS. It took a long time for him to realize that JESUS loved him personally as HE loves you and each of us. JESUS died for you before you were even born. So I ask you to consider the fact that JESUS knows you and that HE loves you. Serving JESUS Mary at Bearer Ministries -------------------- Mary At Bearer Ministries Posts: 50 | From: Spencer, NC | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  justme Community Member Member # 674 posted                       Lost, thanks for your kind words. I guess you don't believe in once saved, always saved. I believe that OSAS is true, but I am not 100% sure. There's good scripture supporting both sides of the argument. I mentioned in a previous post that even if I lose my salvation, I'd rather burn in hell than be with a God who would condemn me for not being able to suffer anymore. I don't know, I figure that as long as I know that I'm a sinner and need Christ, I'm saved till the end... there's no action I could perform to gain salvation, there's no action I can perform to lose it either. I think God's love and grace is sufficient to save me. It's so cruel... it seems I should have everything together, and people think I do. I have a doctorate and make good money. I have a high IQ. People think I'm attractive (I used to model) and I don't have a problem getting dates. So why am I complaining? I've been smashed to bits (mostly thanks to mom) and I'm barely holding myself together. I'm a wreck on the inside. I have mental problems and low self esteem. I can't really even connect with people. What's the point of making good money, so I can feed myself, pay bills and be miserable? And what's the point of being attractive, because here's problem #2... I think I'm a homosexual. No one knows, and I've never sinned in that way, and I wouldn't even touch a woman. I've dated many men and tried to be attracted to them, but I'm not attracted to any of them. So I'm pretty sure that I'm doomed to be alone forever... either that, or live a lie. And no that's not the end of my problems list. I think I used to be happy. My parents moved to the U.S. and left me in asia, so my grandma raised me until I was 4. I only have good memories of those days. Then I came to live with my parents in America and things got worse and worse. I'm so despondent these days that I can hardly eat. I've gotten too skinny and when I try to eat I feel like vomiting. I don't know, I feel like God should have made me stupid and ugly, at least then I wouldn't feel so cheated. Forgive me if I sound narcissistic, I don't mean it that way. I'm just saying life can be so mockingly cruel. Posts: 11 | From: maryland | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Lost Advanced Member Member # 343 posted                       just me, do you understand that if you kill yourself that your problems don't go away? do you understand that? that's a lie that we all swallow hook, line, and sinker. that's a lie that i used to buy in to and praise God that i never went through with it. do you understand that once we cross that barrier known as death that there are only two places to go? and if you kill yourself then you'll be going to hell where your problems are compounded and there will be no "escape". your problems will last for eternity there. can you imagine that? here in this life we all have serious problems. some more than others. but yet we still have our blessed hope that it wasn't supposed to be this way and that it won't be this way forever. our hope isn't that we die, but that we go to be with our Lord Jesus Christ in heaven where God will wipe away every tear from our eyes and where there will be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying, nor pain for the former things have passed away. (Rev 21:4). there we will spend eternity with the ultimate love and joy. hallelujah!! justme, i know you've gone through a lot of pain in your life. and so have i. but the answer isn't in death. it sounds tempting, i know, but it doesn't have any solutions. it just appears to. i know that the only solution in life is at the cross of Jesus Christ. he created, he can restore, and he will give us a better place. this world has been corrupted by sin, but a new incorruptible world is coming. we just have to hold on for that through this sin-filled world. i'll do my best to respond to your theological questions in a bit. right now please just hold on. there has been a lot of suicide in my family tree and i know that it doesn't solve anything but only creates more problems. just cry out to God and not against Him. ask Him to hide you in His tabernacle. sit at His feet and ask Him to hold you. e-mail me anytime. may the Lord give you peace. lost -------------------- The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life. - Rev 22:17 Posts: 115 | From: Los Angeles/San Diego, CA | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged |  justme Community Member Member # 674 posted                       Hi, I'm still here. Some of your posts really moved me, and I appreciate everyone's concern. But I'm afraid I have to say that I am still planning on going through with it. I've already written letters and I have all the details planned out. I have a tentative date set. Life is a string of temporary problems. God helps you through it all and gets glory for it, but I'm just too tired of this endless cycle. Even when he helps me out, I don't have the energy to tell anyone about it anymore. I just don't care, really. I almost resent God for throwing me in the wheel of existence to run around with everyone else. I never wanted to be here. My mom abused me in every way possible when I was a child. She would beat me into a corner and kick my face with her shoes on until my nose bled, and she wouldn't stop. She dragged me around the house by my hair. She threw me down the stairs. She beat me with a metal baton. I could go on, but what really hurt me was the words. When she was beating me once, I cried out "mom!" and she told me never to call her that again, that she wasn't my mom. When I was 7, she ripped pictures of me inches from my face and told me that she hated my guts, wished I was never born, etc. Now I am 27, and moved back home temporarily. We thought we could try to patch things up. Well, it didn't work. She still treats me like I'm worthless, and we fight a lot. Today she admitted to me that she could never love me. She treats my younger brother like a king, and despises me. She wants me to move out. She thought it would be nice to try and work things out so that she could forgive herself, and have me be there for her when she's old. Since she can't get what she wants, she says "too bad, things didn't work out so let's go our seperate ways". Sure, it's so easy for her, but what about me? I can hardly function b/c of what she did to me, but I guess it's of no concern to her. She wants to get rid of the nuisance and get back to her happy little life. Well that's just the main problem that's been bugging me. I have other problems too that are pretty much just as bad. I can't believe God would allow one person to struggle with so many big issues. I've seen several counselors and was put on all kinds of meds. Nothing helps. The only reason I'm alive today is b/c God was always there for me. I used to be joyful for that and witnessed to people when I could. To date, he has never let me down, but life has become more of a burden than anything else. I just want it to stop. Why can't God just let me rest? Posts: 11 | From: maryland | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Bearer Advanced Member Member # 40 posted                       Dear Kindgo: thanks for sharing this; Please inform this sister that I will indeed pray for her and if she would like further help have her contact me direct. Serving Jesus Mary at Bearer Ministries -------------------- Mary At Bearer Ministries Posts: 50 | From: Spencer, NC | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Caretaker Advanced Member Member # 36 posted                       Father God we lift this precious child up in our hearts and in our prayers. Father pierce through this black veil of darkness, touch her heart, draw her near, hold her close, open her eyes to Your awesome love, illuminate the darkest recesses, and heal her wounds and heartaches. Reveal the glory of Your salvation, and fill her heart with overwhelming joy, and Your peace which passes all of our human understanding. Bring Your ministering angels into her life Father, and cast out the darkness, and bring her forever into the glorious joy in You. In the name above all names, our Lord Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen. -------------------- A Servant of Christ, Drew 1 Tim. 3: 16: And without controversy great is the mystery of godliness: God was manifest in the flesh.. Posts: 3978 | From: Council Grove, KS USA | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |  Kindgo Advanced Member Member # 2 posted                       Please pray for this sister... justme New Member Member # 674 posted November 29, 2002 09:53 PM Thanks for the replies, but... well, where do I even start? My life is so messed up... mostly stemming from family problems. I have decided that I want to end it. I know life is the Lord's to give and to take away, but since I didn't even ask to be born, I feel that the least amount of free will that I should have a right to is death. God's always been there for me, and I'm thankful for that, but I'm sick of it all. Please don't tell me I can get through this stressful time or that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Actually, there is nothing in particular stressing me out right now, and I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not emotionally blinded. I've thought about this a long time and I just don't care for life anymore, even with Jesus. If I lose rewards in heaven, that's ok. If someone declines $100,000,000, isn't it their right to do so? What's so tragic about it, if they understand, and it's their choice? And it won't help to tell me to think about all that he's done for me and how much he loves me, etc. Part of the point of my first post was that if he never created us in the first place, he would not have had to suffer and do all those things for us anyways. In the case that God will take away my salvation, that's fine too b/c I'd rather not be with a God who would be so tyrannical. Yes, I'd rather burn in hell than be with a God who'd condemn me for not being able to stand my life. I just wish I were never born. -------------------- God bless, Kindgo Inside the will of God there is no failure. Outside the will of God there is no success. Posts: 4320 | From: Sunny Florida | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged |

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