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Author
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Topic: Suicide
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HisGrace
unregistered
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posted
lonlesol, it will help to alleviate the stress somewhat if you are able to accept that you don't really have a marriage, and that you are just living with a room-mate. Therefore, you may have to stop expecting him to act like a husband, because he is not being a husband.
You are talking to the wall, so you will have to let him be and starting making a life for yourself by staying involved in the church and making plans to socialize with girl-friends. He is making a choice to shut you out, so make the best of your life by trying to accept it as much as possible.
Turn him over to God, because the only solution is prayer.
You've done your best, so let God do the rest.
Will be praying for God's comfort to surround you in this very difficult and frustrating situation lonlesol. ![[hug]](graemlins/hug.gif)
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
~This includes any trial or tribulaton you are going through. He has many ways he can lighten your burden through prayer.
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lonlesol
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Member # 4511
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posted
quote:
You will have to turn your focus away from your husband, because obviously he isn't going to change.
No he sure hasn't changed...
I asked him tonight what the definition of a married couple is to him...he won't answer. I asked him if he still loves me...he won't answer. I asked him who I am for him...he won't answer. I asked him if he cares about me...he won't answer. I asked him why he won't sleep in our bed anymore...he won't answer. I asked him why he acts this way with me...he won't answer.
He only wants me to take care of the house, clean his bathroom where he always leaves shaved beard in the sink and smoked cigarettes in the toilet, feed him and wash the dishes, do the laundry and take care of his dog!!!...I am not his slave!!!... ![[crying]](graemlins/crying.gif)
I am willing to be God's slave but I am not willing to be that selfish husband of mine's slave!!!...Maybe I just don't understand what life really is about!!!...
What is there left? A big fat nothing!!!...I just can't picture us living this way for the rest of my life!!!...He always says that I worry too much about these things...but when you get nothing in a relationship, what else can you do but worry about it?...I didn't get married seventeen years ago so we could live as colocs...that is how it has been for almost two years now!!!...How long will I have to endure this???...
I went to speak with my Pastor this morning, he suggested that he imposes his hands on me along with another Pastor...I don't think that will do any good, what is needed is a good wake up call for my husband, he needs a good kick in the b utt!!!... ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
I should be allowed to happiness but I sure can't feel happy on this earth...I hate this life!!!...
Posts: 478 | From: Quebec | Registered: Mar 2005
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HisGrace
unregistered
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posted
The Lord cares and loves you very much and you can be certain that he directed you here yesterday lonlesol. I am sure the thoughts of suicide will gradually be lifted because you have people here who are praying for you.
1 Corinthians 10:13
But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it.
Listen to his voice, and he will give you tools for you to use in order to make life easier for you. Is there a nice Bible-believing church that you can attend to be surrounded by other born-again Christians? I am praying that God will provide a way to make your burdens lighter.
The devil is out to rob and to steal. Don't let him rob of you of that deep inner peace you should have, no matter how rough life gets. Jesus cares and understands what you are going through because He also was tempted, and in every way possible.
Hebrews 2:18 Since he himself has gone through suffering and temptation, he is able to help us when we are being tempted.
Tell the devil in no uncertain terms to get out of your life -
James 1:13 And remember, no one who wants to do wrong should ever say, "God is tempting me." God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else either.
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lonlesol
Advanced Member
Member # 4511
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posted
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Your son died?
Yes, eleven years ago and it still hurts, I still miss him even if he was just a baby...For ten years I was so upset at the Lord but I finally got over that...
I know that the enemy is Satan and not my husband but it sure sounds like it is my husband doing this to me...he is selfish and self-centered, in love with money and material things...he never shows any emotions to me except to criticize everything I do...he has been sleeping in the basement for almost two years, we now live as strangers, it is hard to accept. I lost him for good since I accepted the Lord, it is worse than before! I really thought it would get better that way but it got worse somehow!!!...and my daughter does the same now, she is only fourteen years old and thinks she knows everything...we are now seeing a social worker because of her behavior towards me and that social worker is obviously not saved! I tested her to see, she is not a Christian born-again...my daughter has become rude and I can't say anything to her anymore that will contradict her...my husband and daughter say that I am controlling but it isn't that...I want to do what is right!!! What is wrong with that????...it really is soooo frustrating!!!...
I used to do volonteer work at the library of the school my daughter used to go to but since last year, when I accepted Jesus as my Savior, I have dropped out of that so I could concentrate more on my Bible Study and this is what is annoying my husband and my daughter...I think of the Lord too much as they say, they don't like the Christian music that I listen to, they don't like the inspirationnal images that I now make but I really like making them, it helps me to stay calm...the Christian friends that I now have live all over the world so the only way I have to talk with them is if I spend time on the computer, they don't like that...
I am not crazy, I just love the Lord and want to please Him...I don't need a psychiatrist, I haven't lost my mind!...I cannot witness to them, they don't want to hear it...so I share God's Word on the internet on a board I go to...there is nothing wrong with that is there!!!...it isn't like I spend the whole day on the computer, I still have a real life to take care of...
There is a man that my husband works with that is a Christian born-again. My husband brought him home one night hoping that this guy would convince me to stop doing what I am doing. Of course it backfired on himself...the guy approved what I am doing and even encouraged me to continue and he told my husband that he should love me like I deserve refering Scriptures to him...
The problem is that I am very sensitive, I cry easily when I am upset and even when I am happy which unfortunately isn't often these days because of the way they treat me...
I see other couples that love each other. They show it by being kind to one another...they hold hands, they kiss once in a while, they talk to each other, they spend time together, they look at each other, they have respect for each other...I envy them so much because I have nothing of that...
The more I read the Bible and the more I see sin all over the place. I don't want to watch horror or violent movies anymore but we could watch comedy movies instead, we could still do other things that would be enjoyable for both of us but it never happens...I don't want to drink, I never liked to do that, I don't like to spend time with people that do because some don't even know when to stop!...last summer we went to a michoui party and everyone was drunk and some of the adults there made my daughter drink, she got drunk and then she got sick!...I was so upset about that and I left. My daughter stayed there with them, she wouldn't come with me and they spent the night there...my husband told me that I was the one that was wrong...nobody spoke to me, I didn't know anyone and I didn't trust them, I really felt out of place....I shouldn't have gone there in the first place...I should have stayed home with my daughter, that was my mistake...I tried to please them by going but it was a mistake...he says that I don't know how to have fun but I do! I just don't want to drink to have fun, I don't need that!...I had an uncle that died because of his drinking...
The voices that I hear, if I can call them this way, they are telling me to take sleeping pills...I have been fighting that thought since the night my son died...I almost did it that night...the pills were in my pocket and the glass of water was in my hand but the man at the Ronald McDonald house came to speak to me so I never did it...there were many times after that episode that I wanted to do it. Every time, I fought it and never did it...but it gets harder every time...the voices insist more and more every time...I even told my husband a few weeks ago that the only one that prevents me from doing this is the Lord...he says I am nuts and he will have me interned if I keep on speaking this way...
I have to live my faith in silence, I cannot mention the name of the Lord in my own house, my husband doesn't want to hear it...
thank you helpforhomeschoolers for these Scriptures, I have read a lot of the Bible so far but sometimes I forget or I simply don't know where to look for answers...I understand what is written, I also want to do this but it isn't easy...I lost it bad yesterday, but I do feel a little better this morning. Why can't I find these answers by myself in the Bible? Why do I need to depend on other Christians to help me?...I am really scared of what Satan does...that thing is a lot stronger than I am...but I know that God is Greater...you are right, I need to focus on Him more...I have a Bible Study to go to at my church tonight...I will attend, like I do every Wednesday...
Thank you everyone for caring, it means a lot to me...
I am sorry for the way I acted yesterday...
Posts: 478 | From: Quebec | Registered: Mar 2005
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helpforhomeschoolers
Advanced Member
Member # 15
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posted
Hi lonesol: I am sorry you are hurting. I am sorry that you feel so alone. I do understand I have myself begged God to take me home. Not because I am a coward and couldn't take my own life, but because I know it is not mine to take. So I have begged him to take me home. And He said NO! So here I am.
I personally don't believe that real suicide thoughts come from within us... I think that they are spiritual warfare against us from the unseen realm.
The only way that I know to make them go away is to refuse to focus on self. I was clinically depressed for 8 years and God delivered me. I was suicidal; the night that HE delivered me from depression, I heard that seemed to be in my head telling me to run my car off a cliff! It was horrible. After I was delivered, there were times when those demons came back to torment me and I learned to resist them by refusing in those times to think about me and all the things that I could conjure up that were wrong with my life. I instead learned to think about others in those times, what could I do to make someone else's life better? I learned that where the mind goes the body follows and if I wanted to I could make myself miserable and the enemy that was without could have a hayday with me.
The enemy would like to get you to take your life. The enemy would like to get you to hate your husband for being a mean criticizing jerk; the enemy would like you to live in a world that is consumed with missing your son.
1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
The enemy knows that what God's word says is true and that your unbelieving husband is sanctified by you and the enemy knows that your husband can be won to the LORD without the word because of your witness in how you live your life, so the enemy has a great deal at stake here and a good reason to torment you and make you to be as miserable as you will allow him to make you. If he can keep you focused on all that is wrong in your life and how miserable your life and your husband is he has a good chance at devourering you and he does roam about seeking who he can devour.
BUT my friend! The only time the enmy has this power over your life is when you focus on your flesh and think me me me. I pray that you will not think that I am not being empathetic. I do understand. I have been there. You simply must refuse to go down this road with the enemy. Do not be afraid to say NO! I am not going there.
You have a family that needs you. Your daughter needs you. You have in the past expressed that you feel estranged from her... but that doesnt change the fact that she needs you... where would she be if you were gone? What chance would she have to grow to be a godly young woman? What about your husband. Without your prayers who would pray? Can you see why the enemy wants you to feel the way you do?
Are you still going to church/ Are you still doing that Bible study? Are you still listening to praise music? If not you know what to do in this regard, if you are then what else can you do to change the view out the window of your mind's eye? Is there a place in your community where you can volunteer and do something to share the love of Christ with someone else? Is there someone in your circle that has a need greater than your own that YOU can minister to?
Take your eyes off you. LooK at HIM; and get about being his arms or legs or hands or mouth or heart of compassion for someone else.
You cant think suicidal thoughts if you are focused on someone else. You cant listen to the enemy if you are listening to the Holy Spirit. You cant see ugliness and evil and meaness if you are looking at HIM.
I love you in the Lord sister Lonesol. Please I emplore you tell the enemy to take a hike; tell the enemy you are not going to play his game or believe his lies.
I dont think that God is going to take you home and I can see two very good reasons for that.... your husband and your daughter. God gave them a believing praying born again mother and wife for a reason.
Lift HIM up and He will lift you up.
Jude 1:20 But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost,
21 Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.
22 And of some have compassion, making a difference: 23 And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.
24 Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,
25 To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.
I will pray for you sister. But please know that we do not war with flesh and blood and your husband is not the enemy... the devil is and he wants your husband and he wants your daughter and if he has to take you down to get to them he is gonna try. But greater is HE that is in you than HE that is in this world. Put your EYES on CHRIST; PUT YOUR MIND ON CHRIST; PUT CHRIST IN YOUR EARS and ON YOUR LIPS and walk in the spirit. Do what God would have you do to minster to someone else and HE will minister to you. HE knows your needs and hears your prayers. He is not left you and you cannot afford to grow weary in praying for yoiur family. All the pain in this world that you could suffer is nothing compare to an eternity of hell that your husband faces if he does not come to Christ. This is why the enemy is after you so bad. You can do for your husband because he deserves it. He doesnt! But you have to do because you do for Christ. And Christ will honor you even if your husband does not right now.
I know I have been tough on you... not much sympathy here... but great empathy. If there is anythign I can do please let me know. I will listen any time day or night that you need an ear or a shoulder. I will email with you. I will do a Bible study with you I will pray with you and for you. Just PM me or email me Linda@ helpforhomeschoolers.com. If there is anything I can do I will do it. I know that the road you have to walk is a hard path, but HE is with you and HIS grace is sufficient. You just have to stop looking at you and look at HIM.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
GOD BLESS YOU SISTER, may he bring you peace and comfort and JOY and HOPE and REST in HIM.
Love in Christ,
Linda
This is ours too:
Isaiah61:1 ¶ The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;
2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn;
3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.
Posts: 4684 | From: Southern Black Hills of South Dakota | Registered: Jun 2002
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HisGrace
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posted
quote:
Originally posted by lonlesol:
I never hear my husband tell me that he loves me....oh no, why would he go so low hein!!!
I do everything for him....what do I get???? criticizem...all the time!!!...it never stops, just like a merry go round....it turns and turns and never stops!!!!!!!!!!!...nothing ever changes...it is endless....cries and begging all the time... I want to go join my son......
My heart really goes out to you lonlesol. First of all you can't expect humans to fulfill your every need. Human weakness so often fails. It's like beating your head against the wall sometimes.
You will have to turn your focus away from your husband, because obviously he isn't going to change. Turn to Jesus and the scriptures. As we read the Bible, often scriptures will jump out at us and give us comfort. Cling to those scriptures and you will receive answers to your heart's every need.
Dear Lord wrap your loving arms around lonlesol during this very difficult time, and listen to her desperate cry. ![[Prayer]](graemlins/prayer.gif)
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Pleasemaranatha
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Member # 5150
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posted
quote:
Originally posted by lonlesol:
how can one get rid of those thoughts?
prayers don't work, I have tried.............the thoughts are always there...........................
I know well how to get rid of them. Put on christian music. Drown out the thoughts and voices that tell you that it would be easier to die. The thoughts (voices) are liars. They want you with them in hell. TURN UP the praise music. Sing some hymns even if you aren't in the mood. That is when you need it most.
Sit outside and sing. Look up see the clouds? Your son wants you to finish the work God has for you. Get out and visit a friend or relative tomorrow. Force yourself to get through one day with God's help.
He is there patiently waiting to help. So am I. email me if you like. I do know what you are going through and I LOVE you with the love Christ has given me for you.
Thankyou Father God for loving this woman who is your child. Let her feel your hug and warm embrace right now where she is sitting. Send your messengers to do your will in life right now.
Thankyou again because I know you are NO respector of persons.
Start singing even if you cry just blow your nose and sing louder.
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My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning. Psalms 130 verse 6
Joyce
Posts: 308 | From: Missouri | Registered: Oct 2005
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Aaron
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posted
quote:
Originally posted by lonlesol:
I want to go join my son......
Your son died? I'm so sorry.
Aaron
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lonlesol
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Member # 4511
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posted
I never hear my husband tell me that he loves me....oh no, why would he go so low hein!!!
I do everything for him....what do I get???? criticizem...all the time!!!...it never stops, just like a merry go round....it turns and turns and never stops!!!!!!!!!!!...nothing ever changes...it is endless....cries and begging all the time...
I want to go join my son......
Posts: 478 | From: Quebec | Registered: Mar 2005
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lonlesol
Advanced Member
Member # 4511
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posted
There are Pastors at church that know exactly how I feel, there are Christian people that I know exactly how I feel...
My husband isn't saved and he treats me like **** , he wants nothing to do with Jesus....he is the one pulling me down all the time......I pray for his salvation but God does not listen to me or is busy elsewhere..........I am wayyyyyyyyyy fed up waiting!!!!!!!!
I am now hoping that I will die from a heart attack. I have started smoking last year and it hasen't happened yet.....I am waiting!!!...I don't have the guts to actually kill myself......I am a stupid coward and I don't deserve to live.......I might as well go to Hell!!!!...that is probably what I deserve anyways.........................................................
Posts: 478 | From: Quebec | Registered: Mar 2005
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Watcher
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Member # 3589
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posted
If you have placed your hope and trust in the Lord, there is never any reason to take your own life. Jesus loves you so much and as a believer in Him, you experience that love each day. It is the devil who is spewing the lies that make you doubt and feel hopeless. Jesus said, "The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it to the full" (John 10:10). You are living what believers were warned about in 1 Peter 5:8, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
The most important thing that you need to do is to get on your knees and cry out to God to heal you from within. Ask Him to forgive your lack of trust and your fear of the future. Ask Him for guidance and strength to endure whatever it is you are facing. And, ask God to show you exactly how He feels about you.
After you have done that, seek professional, Godly counsel! A good Pastor or Christian counselor can help you to recognize what it is in you that is driving these feelings. God is so much bigger than whatever you are facing. Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast you cares on the Lord and he will sustain you.” He desires to help you; He longs for you to call on Him.
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Watcher
Whoso rewardeth evil for good, evil shall not depart from his house. He that justifieth the wicked, and he that condemneth the just, even they both are abomination to the LORD.
Proverbs 17:13,15
Posts: 146 | From: Earth | Registered: Jul 2004
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lonlesol
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Member # 4511
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posted
it isn't enough to be ignored by your own husband, even here I am ignored....why do I even bother!!! ![[1zhelp]](graemlins/1zhelp.gif)
Posts: 478 | From: Quebec | Registered: Mar 2005
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lonlesol
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Member # 4511
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posted
how can one get rid of those thoughts?
prayers don't work, I have tried.............the thoughts are always there...........................
Posts: 478 | From: Quebec | Registered: Mar 2005
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