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Author
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Topic: Tough situations we learn and grow from
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Carmela
Advanced Member
Member # 4817
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posted
I'm not allowed to contact Kyle but I did tell the Prosecuting Lawyer and Cheyenne's advocate that I want to speak in court. I want express Jesus to other's even Kyle while I'm speaking. I want let Kyle know that he will be forgiven if he asks for it.
I don't understand Cheyenne's father either. I think I mentioned already that he left when I was pregnant so he didn't bond with Cheyenne like he did the boys he later had. He has seen Cheyenne weekly until we moved here but he just didn't bond with her so it doesn't seem to affect her the same way.
I can't even begin to explain how I am able to get through this other then having Jesus to lean on. My husband isn't any support, so I have to do it all my own which makes it harder. However, I don't really have a choice but to handle it either. Kyle changed both of our lives when he raped my daughter, not just hers. Our job is to not allow that to bring us down.
Cheyenne has been doing really well. She is starting to get back on track. There is a woman that I felt God kept putting on my mind to pray with Cheyenne but she is in Virginia. When I called her, it just happened (divine appointment I believe) that she was already scheduled to come here the following weekend so she prayed with Cheyenne. Cheyenne said that she saw 2 lines that were entwined with a triangle in the middle of it. They prayed together and after Cheyenne saw that both lines were now going straight up and down toward heaven. The woman asked Cheyenne if she knew what the lines meant and she said it was her and Kyle and then she asked if Cheyenne knew what the triangle was and Cheyenne said it was God in the middle of them. So, God protected her during this time in ways I may not even be aware. Later, Cheyenne said she believes Kyle will repent and get saved. That is definitely our prayer.
Tonight Cheyenne goes to see a counselor that specializes in rape crises and children. This will not only give Cheyenne someone to talk to, but the counselor said that often the court will call in the counselor instead of the child so that children may not even have to attend court, which would be good if they do it this way in VT. It's a 5 hour job but she is willing to go to Court for Cheyenne if that is wanted.
I praise God because Cheyenne is bouncing back quickly and she is turning to Jesus for healing and help. She doesn't have nightmares or anything either. Each night we always pray that God will take her thought captive so Cheyenne has only had 2 nightmares in her life so far and both were when we forgot to pray.
The rape crisis center has helped me a lot also. Plus, they pay for Cheyenne's counseling, mileage I drive to her appointments and to VT for court when that starts which helps a lot. They have also paid all of the medical exams. They keep me informed and they check to see how I'm doing sometimes. It amazed me when I found out that they do so much for victims. They gave me a form to fill out and I asked Cheyenne has this affected her and all she said was it makes mommy cry a lot. That little girl amazes me sometimes because she is actually really strong.
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Posts: 646 | From: Central New York | Registered: Jun 2005
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helpforhomeschoolers
Advanced Member
Member # 15
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posted
Oh, Carmela, how horrible. I dont know how you are doing it. I do not think that I would be handling this so well as you. He does not sound remoseful even. How very tragic! I really hope that the police would look into how this young man came to be so agressive... so without respect of boundries. Is he involved with pornography? Is there another male in the house who is a poor influence? Does he just have no upbringing? Is he also a victim of abuse? All these things come to my mind when I read this thread and escpecially the articles and the assault on this girl his own age. Was she raped as well? You know sexual abuse is so prevalent today... this attittude of he jjust made some poor choices or mistakes! How exasperating! Maybe an inappropriate touch is a mistake... rape is not a mistake! Rape is an intentional agressision.. it is not a sexual crime so much as it is a crime of violence.. of agression, of total lack of regard for another's person. This boy is in desperate need of Jesus, I can tell you that.
I cannot imagine how you are dealing with Cheyenne's father. Especially since she will still have to spend time with him in the years to come. I totally do not understand his apathy. Is it that he does not believe it? Is it that he cant face it and is doing nothing because to face it is to face that he allowed her to be in danger?
I just cannot imagine dealing with all that you are dealing with. I know that the Lord is your strength and your strength is a tesitmony of HIS amazing Grace.
I pray that Cheyenne is doing ok. Has she been to a counselor yet? Are you able to get a Christian counselor for her? Maybe you should be seeing some one too? You surely cannot keep this all yourself.
We continue to pray for all concerned in this situation. God bless you and keep you and give your courage and comfort. ![[hug]](graemlins/hug.gif)
Posts: 4684 | From: Southern Black Hills of South Dakota | Registered: Jun 2002
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Carmela
Advanced Member
Member # 4817
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posted
I know. It breaks my heart because they are kids. Kyle has been kicked out of school and now has a tutor, plus he lost his job because the owner of the store couldn't guarantee that he could always have someone there that is 21 or older for Kyle.
Here is the news and a clip from the VT paper and tv.
http://www.samessenger.com/60106.html
http://www.wcax.com/Global/story.asp?S=4977982
Cheyenne's father still goes over to their house on Sunday for dinner and acts as if nothing ever happened. He hasn't even talked to Kyle. I would have at least liked to have had an apology from him if I were there. He also said he isn't coming to court when the case goes to trial. It's a little upsetting to me. First, he wanted medical proof and now that he has it, he still doesn't seem too involved.
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Posts: 646 | From: Central New York | Registered: Jun 2005
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helpforhomeschoolers
Advanced Member
Member # 15
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posted
Wow, I am so thankful that there has been opportunity for this girl to come forward. It will mean a chance for her to heal as well and not live in silence with this. I hope if there are any others who have been asaulted that this will encourage them to come forward as well.
I pray that there will be help at the end of this for Kyle as well and not just punishment. This is so sad. These are kids! He is a kid himself! Who knows where this could have led if it were not stopped here. It makes me so angry at the devil for perverting peoples minds as he does and for perverting our sexuality as he does. It just makes me sick.
Posts: 4684 | From: Southern Black Hills of South Dakota | Registered: Jun 2002
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Carmela
Advanced Member
Member # 4817
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posted
I just found out that abuser of my daughter has another person pressing charges also. This time it's an older child, but still boundaries were crossed and he did things she didn't like. Her best friend saw Kyle on the news and talked her into telling her story.
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Posts: 646 | From: Central New York | Registered: Jun 2005
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Carmela
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Member # 4817
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posted
Thanks HFHS. I wasn't sure many would understand where I'm coming from. It's a good idea to send a pastor. I didn't think of that because I wasn't sure if anyone would really go. I just may try that though.
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Posts: 646 | From: Central New York | Registered: Jun 2005
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helpforhomeschoolers
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Member # 15
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posted
It does not sound strange Carmela; it sounds like the love of God is within you. Maybe there is a pastor from that area that you could speak to and send to Kyle? You are right, he needs Jesus.
Your courage and your strength and your love is a tesitmony of Christ in you sister. I know that your Cheyenne is in the very best motherly arms that she could possibly be in, and you are clearly in the hands of our Father in heaven. You are both going to be OK. You once said to me that God takes away our scars. I too know this to be the case; and he will take away your daughter's, because you will continue to raise her in HIS ways.
Posts: 4684 | From: Southern Black Hills of South Dakota | Registered: Jun 2002
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Carmela
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Member # 4817
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posted
I know this might sound strange, but my heart breaks for Kyle. Jesus died for the sake of one. That one might be saved. Please pray that God sends someone to Kyle that can love him through this difficult time and lead him to salvation. It breaks my heart to think of how alone Kyle must feel right now and now his entire school must know of this case.
I wouldn't drop charges, even if I could because Kyle needs to be held accountable, but I would hate to see him left at the wayside. Kyle didn't have the best life growing up and his mother yells a lot so he really needs unconditional love. The Love of Jesus!
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Posts: 646 | From: Central New York | Registered: Jun 2005
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Carmela
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Member # 4817
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posted
All I can say is that I'm totally amazed at how God is helping me through this David. I don't know if I'm always doing the right thing, but I do the best I can and keep praying for wisdom and strength. My heart is breaking of course.
A couple of months ago a woman came and ministered at Pinecrest and while she was here I just kept thinking that this is a woman that is good with children. I didn't know at the time why I kept seeing this until now. I was praying a couple of days ago and her name kept coming to my mind so I called her and it turns out that she is coming here this weekend and she specializes in counseling children so she is going to meet with my daughter the day she arrives. I believe this will help her a lot. Especially since she has ministered to my daughter before so she knows her already. God just seems to be putting everything together. I thank God that he always goes before us. He has been preparing the way before I even knew what happened.
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Posts: 646 | From: Central New York | Registered: Jun 2005
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KnowHim
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Member # 1
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posted
quote:
Originally posted by Carmela:
It is a terrible thing, but I'm trying to get her plenty of help so she doesn't carry this burden and pain with her into her adult years as many people do. She is a very strong girl and the officer believes there may be more that she didn't mention so they are getting her a special counselor.
Carmela I am without words as I don't know how I would handle this. I have two children a 12 year old daughter and a 7 year old son. We all know what we think we would do, but when something actually happens we may explode. I will be praying for you and your daughter, and the others involved.
We shall endure this life because of the hope we have in Jesus Christ.
May God bless you,
David
Posts: 3276 | From: Charlestown, IN | Registered: Jun 2002
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Carmela
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Member # 4817
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posted
I wanted to add one more thing.
Please know that if anyone in this forum has read this and not known how to reply, I understand totally. I have carried so much pain inside of me because of my childhood abuse and God has just been healing me over the past 2 years so I understand how a subject like this can touch a part of us that could bring up pain for others.
I appreciate the love and support I have been given and especially the prayers. I truly believe that part of the strength I have is coming from other people praying. Sometimes I sound strong and at times I am but I have times when I'm not so strong also. However, I also know that this type of abuse is so common these days unfortunately and this brings up my awareness of how much we need to be praying that sexual abuse is stopped or at least greatly decreased.
I am telling my story because if anyone comes here that is struggling with the same thing, they will hopefully find some kind of help through my story or at least know that they can contact me and have someone to talk to that will understand what it's like to go through something this difficult.
If anyone has any questions, I'm able to speak of this openly. Once my daughter told what happened to her, she started to tell everyone so I have gotten use to it being in the open.
I'm off to bed now.
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Posts: 646 | From: Central New York | Registered: Jun 2005
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Carmela
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Member # 4817
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posted
Thanks so much everyone. I think my daughter is handling this better then me but someone told me that the Lord showed them that God is going to bring forth quick healing in Cheyenne and I see that happening. She isn't even upset with the person. We still need prayers though. She needs an internal exam in a place where she shouldn't need it and I'm praying there isn't any damage inside. It's hard to believe my 10 year old needed so many tests and stuff.
I still struggle and cry a LOT but I put up a pretty good front in front of people when Cheyenne is around. It's a blessing that the person admitted what he did but his excuse was that he was confused because he didn't have a girlfriend so he wasn't in his right mind. However, this occurred over a 2 year period at least and I was told he has several girlfriends yet he still offended this April.
I pray often for God's widsom and strength though because I'm dealing with this all by myself. Cheyenne's father isn't getting involved and my husband is totally closed down.
Thanks again so much for prayers.
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Posts: 646 | From: Central New York | Registered: Jun 2005
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yahsway
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Member # 3738
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posted
![[Prayer]](graemlins/prayer.gif) Peace to you and family. am praying for healing.
Posts: 1238 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Aug 2004
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Stacey
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Member # 5743
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posted
I am so sorry. We will keep you and your daughter in our prayers.
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God Bless,
Stacey Silva
WalkingTestimony.com - Great Christian apparel, shirts, hats, gifts and more! Fun, hip, and cool! Share your faith through your clothing.
Posts: 11 | From: Spring Hill TN | Registered: May 2006
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hardcore
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Member # 4492
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posted
Carmela,
My heart breaks for your daughter. This just makes me sick.
The Lord must surely be doing a huge work in your life for you to have come to the place where you are with this so far. What an amazing testimony to His grace.
May the Lord continue to comfort you and show you His hand in the situation.
I will pray for all involved.
Posts: 627 | Registered: Mar 2005
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Carmela
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Member # 4817
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posted
It is a terrible thing, but I'm trying to get her plenty of help so she doesn't carry this burden and pain with her into her adult years as many people do. She is a very strong girl and the officer believes there may be more that she didn't mention so they are getting her a special counselor.
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Posts: 646 | From: Central New York | Registered: Jun 2005
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Pleasemaranatha
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Member # 5150
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posted
So sorry that happened! ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
WE will all pray!
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My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning. Psalms 130 verse 6
Joyce
Posts: 308 | From: Missouri | Registered: Oct 2005
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Carmela
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Member # 4817
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posted
Thanks so much. Through it all, I continue to praise the Lord for the good that is coming out of this terrible situation. I'm sorry it was so long, I'm actually writing a book and I let a friend read this portion of it so she asked me to share it with everyone because this is such a wide spread epidemic lately unfortunately.
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Kindgo
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Member # 2
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posted
I am so very sorry!
I will be praying for all needs and concerns...
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God bless,
Kindgo
Inside the will of God there is no failure. Outside the will of God there is no success.
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Carmela
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Member # 4817
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posted
I wrote this to a friend and I was asked to share it here. I hope it's ok.
Right now, I’m going through a very difficult time. I have been debating whether I should write about it or not, but it could be crucial to helping others. I’m writing this as it occurs in my life and I can’t guarantee that what I do is always the right way or that it’s what others need to do. I’m only going to share from my experience as it unfolds.
When my daughter was young, I taught her about good touch and bad touch. I taught her to always tell me if someone touches her in a way that doesn’t feel right to her because I will always believe her and protect her. She had over heard me telling someone once that I was sexually abused but I really didn’t think she knew what that word meant since it never happened to her and I NEVER went into detail about what happened to me when she was around. In fact, I don’t tell many people the details at all. The other day, we were out looking at houses because we are preparing to buy. When we got home, my husband went out for a while. My daughter was in her room and she called to me. I came and she said she didn’t call me. Although I knew she had, I left. A few minutes later, she wrote a note, stapled it and handed it to me and ran away into her bedroom. It said the words that a mother never wants to hear. Mommy, I was sexually abused by…and she wrote the name. I was shocked. I went to her room and explained that it wasn’t her fault and we discussed it. I asked her what happened to her and she named almost every sexual position there is. I was immediately transformed into a state of shock. All I could do for 3 days was cry. I went to my room when my husband returned home, shut the door and cried. She knocked on the door so I wiped my face, painted on a smile, opened the door and she said something to me. I can’t even remember what she said. Then, she asked why I’m crying. I told her I was crying because I tried so hard to protect her and I wasn’t able to. She would go to visit her father and someone there was abusing her. Her reply to me was, “you can protect me now mommy because this person will never be able to hurt me again.” I started to cry and I just hugged her. I was so amazed by how well she is able to express herself sometimes.
I immediately called my ex husband and left a message on his machine and then I called the boy’s mother but she was in denial. I realize now that it was a mistake to call her because I warned her that I was going to involved the authorities and that can compromise the police investigation in some ways and then I called the authorities in the state that the abuse occurred. I can’t tell you how difficult it was in some ways, to immediately spring into action because I was feeling so many mixed feelings. I felt shock, anger, hurt, and I just couldn’t believe that my little girl was violated in such a traumatic way. I know what she said was true though. A fourth grader wouldn’t know what she knew.
As I reflected on this more, I started to blame myself because I remembered other things that were warning signs but I couldn’t explain them at the time so I wasn’t sure. Around the time that the abuse started, my daughter came home with $5.00 and she told me this person gave it to her to play house with her. Immediately red flags started to go up for me. I asked her why he wanted to play house with her (he is older so I knew it wasn’t normal), how he played house and if he touched her in a way that was scary or uncomfortable to her. She wouldn’t go into much detail but she said he didn’t touch her in a bad way. Then, I called her father and I told him what happened. He questioned the boy because this boy is related to his wife and the boy said he gave her the money for having such a good report card. I told him that it wasn’t normal for a teenage boy to give a young girl money for a report card since teens hold on to their money. Then, I warned my ex-husband that I didn’t want him to ever leave our daughter alone with this boy as a precaution. I kept telling him that I didn’t want our daughter at this home either but he continued to have them baby-sit while he was at work because they were cheap. However, it was the boy’s older sister that was suppose to be watching the children. I begged him not to leave her there but partly because they smoke in front of the children also. When I found out about the abuse, there was a part of me that felt guilty for allowing my daughter to go visit her dad still when I knew he still had her in this daycare, although it wasn’t suppose to be as often because his wife’s mother usually watched the kids in their house.
Then, I remembered other signs I had seen. I started to feel guilty because I had suspicions but she was denying it and I didn’t want to push it. The more I thought, the more signs I saw. The rape crisis unit says that it’s normal to be in this type of denial, especially since I couldn’t prove it and she wasn’t talking. I didn’t want to push her, but I realize now that I should have asked more questions or at least had her talk to a professional.
Then, God started showing me things. For instance, I was suspecting this even though I was still in denial so I started praying and asking God that if she is being abused he will reveal it to me and not allow it to remain a secret and if isn’t happening now that God will immediately reveal it to me if it does. A couple of days later, my daughter spoke to a friend that is older than her and then she told me. At first I started to blame God. Why didn’t he protect her, why did he allow it to happen to her and I asked many other questions also. However, when I started to do this, God reminded me of some things. He was preparing me for this and now I had to rely on the things God taught me. First of all, when Mark Swiger had prophesied over me to do spiritual warfare daily and to take hold of the power and the authority that God gives us, I started praying daily and each day I felt the power and the authority of Jesus rising up stronger in me. So, immediately I stopped blaming God and I spoke to the devil. After all, it’s the devil that I’m in war against, not the assaulter. It isn’t easy to let go of the anger that I had for the accuser, but it was such a relief when I turned that anger to Satan and I spoke to him and put him in his place. I told him that I was not going to allow this to bring us down, draw us away from God and that it would not destroy us. I told the devil that he tried to destroy me through years of abuse and he wasn’t going to destroy me by using my daughter. I told him he had no authority to touch us again and we are covered by the blood of Jesus. I pray that over both of us daily now.
Eph 6:10-13
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
(KJV)
Then, God showed me the next step. At Pinecrest God had been showing me how our actions are a reflection of him. The bible says that a child’s actions reflect their parents.((((insert scripture)))))) In the same way, we are children of God and our actions reflect our heavenly father. I was watching a show on television and my heart felt so heavy because many pedophiles that were caught were saying they were Christians and that gives Christianity a bad name. In the same way, if I lash out in anger right now, I’m not being witness to those involved in this case. God loves the abuser and although it may be hard to allow myself to believe this because of my anger, God would like to see the abuser admit what he has done, get help and repent. Maybe even some day admit to my daughter that he was wrong and the assault was his fault and not hers. I would have given anything to hear those words.
Then, God reminded me of how I’m feeling inside. A few months ago I would have been filled with hate and if I harbor hate in my hurt, I’m only hurting myself. Plus, I can’t help my daughter as much because every decision I make and every word I speak would be out of that hate. I had been praying that God would give me his unconditional joy because it was something I had never known. I use to be such an unhappy person in many ways. God gave me that joy a month ago and now, it is helping me. I still have feelings of hurt, devastation and stuff like that, but those feelings are not consuming me. I may not feel joyful right now, but it’s down into the depths of my heart which is helping me to not feel such hate and anger. I praise God for this because if I had not allowed God to show me this, I wouldn’t have realized it on my own.
God also showed me something else during this difficult time. See, I had to take my focus off of the situation and turn to God. Until I stopped blaming good and did this, I wasn’t allowing God to show me how to cope and deal with this situation properly. I can assure you that it isn’t always easy to do, but I knew that I had to do it. My relationship with God is the only thing that is getting me through this time. As I was seeking him, the other thing that God showed me was that as difficult as it was to grow up as an abused victim myself, I gained wisdom and insight by it. I didn’t tell anyone of the abuse. I didn’t think my mother would have even believed me. Now, I see people (not the professionals involved but my ex-husband and the offender’s family) that are in denial and not believing my daughter, although I didn’t tell her this of course. However, if they could see the information that I have but can’t share with them, they would know. I now realize that a child is usually a bit wiser than we give them credit for because many people do not believe them. I always told me daughter that I would believe her if she spoke to me but that she is never to say someone did something that they didn’t do because it’s a serious claim. Anyway, what I’m learning from God is that because I was abused, I knew what to do for my daughter. I knew I had to take action immediately and start protecting her. I knew that I had to call the authorities. I didn’t only call the police, but also social services because this family has a licensed daycare. I had to protect other children as well. Especially since the abuser told her that he did it to others.
I will be totally honest here. As I watch my daughter having to speak to the authorities and having to go through a medical evaluation, I have times when I wondered if I’m doing the right thing. When I have doubts, I call someone to help me through this because I know that this needs to be done in order to protect my child and other children as well. I know the abuser needs help and he needs to see that there is a consequence to his actions.
My daughter seems to be dealing with all of this better than I am. For me, it all comes as a shock but I seem to see this situation as I’m seeing it instead of how she may be. She has been going through this for years so it isn’t such a shock to her. She is finally seeing she will be safe now. She told me that at first she didn’t realize what was happening to her. However, she started to ask me questions so even though I thought she was too young, I wanted to be honest with her so I briefly explained what sex was and I didn’t give details it was very brief. I wasn’t understanding her behavior because she turned around and walked away. I wondered if I told her too much or if she just lost interest in the conversation. Now, I realize that at that moment, she probably understood what her abuser was doing to her was called sex. Some how she was able to link what I had told her with what she was experiencing and I had no idea she knew as much as she did since I didn’t know of the abuse at the time.
This was all I have written so far but I did just get an update that the boy confessed to EVERYTHING!! PRAISE GOD!! It will make things go so much easier and hopefully he will get the help he needs and other children at the daycare will be questioned and helped or protected. My daughter is in fourth grade but because she has a lower eighth grade vocabulary, her statement was very clear and graphic, which sounds aweful but helped the cop get the confession.
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Posts: 646 | From: Central New York | Registered: Jun 2005
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