Disciple4Him
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Member # 1300
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Well where to begin..I was raised in a good home, my parents were once members of the church. They got away from that, were overall good natured but I don't think were Christians, but my brother and I were raised that way and my granpaerents took us to church. I prayed and read my Bible and I felt I knew God all the way up even into my senior year or after high school, however I was not a Christian. Shortly after starting college fall of 1995 I changed. My attitude toward school and life changed. You know I was 18 going on 19, I knew it all. I had my ideas about organized religion, and of course wanted to be "cool. I got inot binge drinking, partying, going to night clubs, hanging out with bad influences, began to experiment with drugs, but the most haunting sin I could get wrapped up in was worse then all of those and began while I was still at home, and maybe much younger than I realize. I was addicted to pornography, and soon enough, over time in college from 1996or 1997 and on it began to grow and fester. It went form a few internet pictures to a lot of internet time wasted on sex and porn, chatrooms, money wracked up on credit cards, movies, videos ordered, rented, bought, phone sex, I was addicted and didn't care, didn't notice. Even after meeting my future wife who is a Christian, I didn't see. She didn't know! We began dating in December 1998, I was in full force then, and then shortly after we were dating I went even further, I caused her to stray from God, and caused her to have bad attitudes toward church, she stopped going, she was Catholic then. ( I won't attack Catholicism, I personally believe she came to Christ outside that church but that church was ok for her, even if I have issues with it but that is besides the point ) We were having premarital sex, and then I got worse behind her back. After proposing...looking forward to the Holy temple of marriage, I, being lost, went even further into sexual sin. I was cheating on my wife. How? Well I thought I was not...though not my wife yet, this would continue into marriage, we were married August of 2000, but anyway, before we were married beginning in summer of 1999, on into marriage, I was thinking I was doing something normal and that all men did. I was not just looking anymore, I was on chatrooms and I was meeting other guys to look at pornorgraphy and masturbate together. Later psychologists and nurses would say this was childish and immature and high schoolish, very boyish behavior. They were and are right, but they left out other decriptions...sinful, wrong, betraying my wife, breaking the vows of marriage. It WAS adultery no matter how you look at it. Sexual sin is just that, no matter what is done, how often, with who, for whatever reaosn, it is all equally wrong in God's eyes and makes Him sick. I was devastated....what broke me? Well We found out in March of 2002 we were going to have a baby. I was ecstatic, I knew this would be what could help me...wrong. Sure enough I was good for 10 weeks, and then the addiction exploded in full force, the lies, the deceit, none of which she knew ever, was about to unfold. I had a bad experience, one night attempting the usual I encountered someone who was not who they said they were, and a bad experience took place. Fortunately for me it was not rape, it was not sex, and medically I was fine, never was in danger there. BUT the experience traumatized me enough I went into a mental state that I don't want to be in ever again. I was suicidal, thought I had contracted some disease, thought my life was ruined and nothing to live for. I went nuts. I found myself checking into a psych ward at a local hospital. My wife was terrified. Then it all came out. I told her everything, I had to, everything I had done over the years even before we were together, everything I had been doing, the lies, the money, it hurt, it hurt her, it hurt us. Then she said something that began the change in my life, "I took vows, and I will stick to them" She was going to have me home, in our bed, with her, forgiving me, because she loved me. Shortly thereafter I became better friends with a guy I worked with whom i knew was a Christian. We began to talk and hang out more and more, and he led me to Christ. August 5th on my wife and my 2 year wedding anniversary of 2002 I accepted Christ. The past nearly a year has been phenomenal. My life has been freed of this bondage, God has lifted me up, lifted my wife and son up, restored us a family, resotred my life by giving me new life...being born again is truly a wonderful feeling and I give him all the praise and glory. I still have temptation, but my friends and I keep each other accountable and my wife is very much a part of that, I don't struggle with any of the problems I used to, and I know that I can only grow stronger and stronger in God's word, his love, His faith, and my faith and love for Him can only grow stronger by Him. ![[Smile]](smile.gif) We have found a wonderful church, my wife has renewed her relationship with Christ, and we are very active in it, very much thankful for our new friends, my friend who led me to Christ is my discipleship partner and I recently have helped another friend fomr the past come to Jesus Christ, abandon that way of life I am now discipling him. It is a wonderful transition and i knwo that it is a lifelong process, growing in Jesus Christ and spreading His word, helping the lost, and fufilling His commandment that Paul writes about, the Great Commission. That is my testimony, and I am open to talk with anyone about anything, because being part of the body of Christ is knowing we are all brothers and sisters in this family, and that we must keep each and every one accountable and we must be there for any and all who need to lean on us, because we all lean on Christ. I love Him because He first loved me.
Posts: 30 | From: Westerville, OH | Registered: Apr 2003
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