WildB
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If Exodus Were Reported by The New York Times or CNN
By Andrew M. Gelbman
Dateline: Nissan 10 - Goshen:
The cycle of violence between the Jews and the Egyptians continues with no end in sight in Egypt. After eight previous plagues that have destroyed the Egyptian infrastructure and disrupted the lives of ordinary Egyptian citizens, the Jews launched a new offensive this week in the form of the plague of darkness.
Western journalists were particularly enraged by this plague. "It is simply impossible to report when you can't see an inch in front of you," complained a frustrated Andrea Koppel of CNN. "I have heard from my reliable Egyptian contacts that in the midst of the blanket of blackness, the Jews were annihilating thousands of Egyptians. Their word is solid enough evidence for me."
While the Jews contend that the plagues are justified given the harsh slavery imposed upon them by the Egyptians, Pharaoh, the Egyptian leader, rebuts this claim. "If only the plagues would let up, there would be no slavery. We just want to live plague-free. It is the right of every society."
Saeb Erekat, an Egyptian spokesperson, complains that slavery is justifiable given the Jews' superior weaponry supplied to them by the superpower God. "Perhaps God needs to reconsider His partiality towards the Jews", Erekat said,"God's one-sided policy against Egyptians and other polytheists is the root cause of the conflict."
The Europeans are particularly enraged by the latest Jewish offensive. "The Jewish aggression must cease if there is to be peace in the region. The Jews should go back into slavery for the good of the rest of the world, the notion of Jewish liberation would be a mistake of historic proportions" stated an angry French President Jacques Chirac.
Even several Jews agree. Adam Shapiro, a Jew, has barricaded himself within Pharaoh's chambers to protect Pharaoh from what is feared will be the next plague, the death of the firstborn. Mr. Shapiro claims that while slavery is not necessarily a good thing, it is the product of the plagues and when the plagues end, so will the slavery. "The Jews have gone too far with plagues such as locusts and epidemic which have virtually destroyed the Egyptian e conomy," Mr. Shapiro laments.
The United States is demanding that Moses and Aaron, the Jewish leaders, continue to negotiate with Pharaoh. While Moses points out that Pharaoh had made promise after promise to free the Jewish people only to immediately break them and thereafter impose harsher and harsher slavery, Richard Boucher of the State Department assails the latest offensive. "Pharaoh is not in complete control of the taskmasters," Mr. Boucher states. "The Jews must return to the negotiating table and will accomplish nothing through these plagues."
The latest round of violence comes in the face of a bold new Saudi peace overture. If only the Jews will give up their language, change their names to Egyptian names and cease having male children, the Arab nations will incline toward peace with them, Saudi King Abdullah declared.
Dateline: Nissan 13 - Goshen:
In what can only be called an unprovoked massacre, every firstborn son in Egypt has died from an unexplained plague. This is the latest in what Jewish sources call “plagues” against Egypt. Egyptian spokesman Saeb Erekat was unavailable, but newly elected Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh of the moderate wing of the governing Hamas Party pointed the finger at the Jews, "This is another example of Jewish extremism which can be blamed on the one-sided policies of the superpower God"
French President condemned the deaths, "It is completely unacceptable for anyone to resort to killing in pursuit of political goals."
When asked about alleged prior Egyptian infanticide against the Jews, Chirac was quick to clarify his remarks, "You can't compare the two. Egypt is a sovereign state and was dealing with an active insurrection. Besides, these allegations are as yet unsubstantiated. This Jewish over-reaction is completely indefensible and must be condemned in the strongest possible terms."
Saudi King Abdullah reiterated his bold peace proposal, "If the Jews will accept a one state solution where they will live under Egyptian law, then their presence in the Middle East must be accepted as part of the natural order of the region, but continued attempts to disrupt the Egyptian state can only result in continued violence."
United States Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice renewed calls for negotiations, adding "The United States remains committed to the Roadmap. The Jews must first stop calling plagues down on Egypt and then Egypt must live up to its promises. Plans by the Jewish extremist leader Moses to unilaterally depart Egypt are counter-productive. Peace will only come from negotiations."
The extreme right-wing leadership of the Torah party, headed by Moses and "High Priest" Aaron categorically rejected any compromise and insisted on going ahead with their 'Exodus' plan. Opposition leader Dathan held out hope for reconciliation with the Egyptians.
Dateline Nissan 14 - Goshen
In a surprise move, hardline Jewish leaders Moses and Aaron have ignored the will of the international community and lead the Jews out of Egypt. Condemnation of this most recent provocation came quickly.
Egyptian Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh of the moderate Hamas Party called for international sanctions on the Jews for their blatant disregard for Egyptian immigration law. President Amelek of Edom promised aid to Egypt in its war against the Jews, "This murderous band of Zionist extremists must be stopped at all costs."
Edom mobilized part of its cavalry in response to the Jewish aggression against Egypt. Edomite forces are believed to be enroute to the Sinai Peninsula at this printing. Saudi Arabia and Iran pledged support to the Edomite actions. “We must be prepared to defend peace in the region. Moses action threatens to destabilize the entire region, particularly Canaan. One shudders to think what the political landscape in Canaan will look like in 40-50 years if this latest Jewish provocation goes unchallenged”
French President Jacque Chirac added Europe's voice to the growing international protest. "Unilateral action is not the answer, the Jews must return to Egypt, offer reparations to the Egyptian people and in return Egypt must be prepared to restore the now vacant slave jobs to the Jews."
Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh welcomed the French proposal, "Egypt accepts the French Peace Plan, and to show our goodwill we are sending elite units of the Egyptian 3rd Army to provide security and transportation for the Jews, whom we welcome back to their homes and jobs in Egypt. The Jews must renounce hardliners like Moses if there is any chance of peace”.
United States Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice welcomed the French proposal as a means back to the Roadmap, endorsed by moderate Jewish leaders like Dathan and Korach.
Jewish right-wing Deputy Defense Minister Joshua ben Nun delivered the Jewish response. "We are not interested in the French proposal; we are taking council with God on our next move. The Exodus, however, is irreversible.”
United Nations Secretary General Kofi Annan condemned God's meddling in Egyptian internal affairs, "God is not a member of the United Nations, His continued interference in the internal affairs of a UN member state is likely to trigger UN sanctions against God and perhaps even the Jews"
Hardline leader Moses was unavailable for comment; he is believed to be at his private encampment near the Sea of Reeds.
More on this as it develops.
(N.B. This is my take on this, there are other versions of this floating around out there)
Warmest regards,
Andrew M. Gelbman
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That is all.....
Posts: 8775 | From: USA, MICHIGAN | Registered: Mar 2004
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