Christian Message Boards: Please read and respond, I need help...

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Posted by MentorsRiddle (Member # 2108) on :

So, my wife last night told me she wasn’t happy with me….

She said everything I do annoys her….

She said that she has grown cold emotionally towards me….

She said she doesn’t know why….

She said she doesn’t want to have my children….

She said that she only wants to be a friend and that’s all….

What am I supposed to do?

I’ve already been through one marriage where my wife cheated on me….

What should I do?

Posted by Carol Swenson (Member # 6929) on :

MentorsRiddle, dear friend,

Please, please, please, watch this movie...

Fireproof

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYLIayanv3g&feature=related

Posted by MentorsRiddle (Member # 2108) on :

I'll watch it when I can get a chance.

I'm at work right now and can't watch it.

I'm just so... confused.

I don't know where all of this came from, or why.

I feel about as worthless as a peice of garbage right now.

Posted by Carol Swenson (Member # 6929) on :

I know that feeling. I am so very sorry you have to go through this. But remember our struggle is not with flesh and blood...start praying for your wife and your marriage. And, WATCH THE MOVIE.

Posted by TB125 (Member # 2450) on :

MentorsRiddle,
I'm sorry to hear about the problems that you and your wife are having in your marriage. You are obviously experiencing a big communication gap in your relationship. I can sense that, because I've been there. I'm in my fourth marriage, and I've been divorced twice.

Your wife obviously wants some changes to be made in your relationship. This is probably a good sign that she has some needs that are not being met in your relationship. She may not want to talk about them with you, and you can't make her do that. You may also have some needs that are not being met. These needs for both of you will not be met until you are able to talk about them, and that communication gap will not be easy to overcome. It will be easier for her to divorce you than to engage in the work that will be necessary to overcome this gap. But a good marriage counselor might be able to help you both begin to talk with each other about your unmet needs and work to resolve them, but the process won't be easy. Prayer can help, but some humble and loving communication needs to take place between you. It might help for you to admit to her that you recognize that she has some needs that are not being met in your marriage and that you would be glad to talk with her about them. It is not possible to provide you and your wife with marriage counseling in this forum, but help is available, if you both decide to get it. May God lead you both in this matter. Your friends are praying for you.

Posted by MentorsRiddle (Member # 2108) on :

I've tried to go to a councelor.... She won't go.

I can't make her want to save our relationship.

Beleive me, please, I've tried and tried.

I asked her to move out for the weekend so we can have some time apart to think.

Posted by TB125 (Member # 2450) on :

MentorsRiddle,
I believe that you have tried to get her to go to a counselor. As I indicated, she apparently doesn't want to talk about the matter. And you are right, you can't force her to talk with you or a counselor or to work to save your marriage. Have you tried to let her know that you recognize that some of her needs are not being met in your relationship and that you are willing to listen to her tell you about them? That would be a much different approach than telling her to leave for awhile. A separation will not do much to bridge the gap in your communication, and thinking further about it will probably only add to the frustrations and disappointments that you each are feeling. I know, because I've been there. May God lead you through this weekend.

Posted by MentorsRiddle (Member # 2108) on :

Well, just to up date you all.

She said she will not give up the guys she is hanging out with for me.

So that kind of sums it up for me.

She is not putting me first, before them, so I am moving on.

Thanks for all of your prayers and guidance.

Posted by Betty Louise (Member # 7175) on :

The Bible says if your lost mate chooses to leave then let them go and you are free. I will pray for you because even when divorce is needed it is hard.
I pray that God will comfort and encourage you.
betty

Posted by MentorsRiddle (Member # 2108) on :

Thank you, Betty. I appriciate it. [Smile]

Posted by Eduardo Grequi (Member # 3984) on :

Brother your marriage is underseige because of the Satan Factor. Every day that passes there is more uproar in the world and Satan is becomming more and more in charge. I will be praying for you all

Have you ever watched a movie called:

Fireproof starring Rick Cameron. The full title of the movie should be called Fireproof your marriage.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhNll-LrCBc

Posted by John Hale (Member # 8034) on :

May God bless you.

Two sinners uniting as one is an apt description for marriage and often the discovery of married couples long after the time to consider carefully which sinner they want to risk making a life commitment to.

The romance and the mush and the lust and the passion and the "there's never been a love like our love ever before... ever... ever..." kind of builds us all up for some serious disappointments and self doubts.

Does anyone else have a family like ours?

Yes.

Social proprieties and courtesy and good old fashioned shame cause us to project an image other than the way it really is in the homelife.

That's ok. Too much information is way boring. Think not? Think people would be open and above board? Watch Springer. Sooner or later you will grow weary of the sickness and filth. And you may appreciate the lack of it (at least that bad) in your own home.

Think of it...

"Hi, how are you?" is not a question asked twice to a Shmedrick who answers with anything other than "Hi, I'm fine. How are you?" "Fine."

If you have to let this one go. Let her go. And channel the pain and hurt and anger and everything into the smart resolve to be more choosy and even if you are it's still a crep shoot in this fallen world.

As I am sure you are figuring out... it is better to be alone than with the wrong spouse.

And if you really enter into a marriage for keeps that could be a problem you are saddled with.

Before you throw in the towel... you might exercise tough love on your current wife.

"No, no... I won't ever be your friend. It's all or nothing with me. If you will not be the wife you swore to God (Church wedding) to be for the rest of your life as I swore to to God to be the husband to you for the rest of my life... then there is no friendship and I will be completely out of your life forever.

Dr. James Dobson spoke of a time when his parents (before he was born) had a similar experience. His mother was not sure she wanted to be an evangelist's wife or that she loved him or anything... and his father stormed out the door forever... but before he got a block away her bare feet ran up behind him and she loved that man till the day of her death (which was brought about by the loss of her husband in death a few years before)... she could not stop grieving his loss because she loved that man.

It could be your wife has the same (albeit post nuptials) cold feet James Dobson's mother had.

If you use the tough love or move out and give her a taste of what it would be like without you... she may snap out of this.

The Lord be with you and keep you.

Posted by MentorsRiddle (Member # 2108) on :

Well, just an update.

WE are moving through with the divorce.

Thank you all for your advice and suggestions.

I asked her to place her "guy-friends" that she was alwaysing hanging out with, on the back burner, but she refused and said she would not stop seeing them.

She also said she wouldn't stop spending time with them at night... so, I have no choice here.

I will not be second fiddle to someone else. Not in a marriage.