Christian Message Boards: Health Anxieties

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Posted by seagreen (Member # 4362) on :

Six and a half years ago, when I was 17, I sinned and had intercourse before marriage and the boy's fluids got inside me. I have been terrified ever since that I contracted HIV. I've only slept with 1 boy, a total of 9 times, always protected, but the condom broke that last time, in August 1998. I have regretted this sin ever since and have not slept with anyone else. According to him, he had tested negative several months before and over the next 3-4 years, when I called to check up on him, he said he tested negative then too. He is successful and manages a restaurant his father bought and he has been dating the same girl seriously for the past 4-5 years. He is a Roman Catholic too, but he had a very promiscuous past and I have worried for nearly seven years that he somehow infected me with HIV, even though I don't know that he's ever been infected with HIV. He told me once that he donated blood to his sister's newborn babies, and I would love to believe that, but what if he lied about that and he has been HIV positive all along? He said he had been tested recently before the incident with me and him and he tested negative and he had said many times before and several times since that he had tested negative for diseases. I doubt he lied, but have tortured myself ever since that night.

I ALSO HAVE ANXIETY DISORDER and obsessive-compulsive disorder that I have tried to keep under control and have been successful at controlling--until I read that even though I have no symptoms and am never sick, that many/most people remain asymptomatic and have no idea for 10 years and are usually very healthy.

Please pray that I am 100% free from any and all disease, virus, HIV/AIDS and that all of my worrying was unnecessary because I have never been infected with disease, virus or illness. Please let me know for certain in some way that I am 100% free from HIV/HIV negative and that I always have been and always will be. Please ease my worries and anxieties and finally give me the reassurance that I never needed to worry because I never contracted HIV or any other illness/virus.

I'm not worthy of Mary or God's love, but please have mercy on me and intercede on my behalf and show me that I have always been healthy and always will be healthy and that I can put these worries about HIV behind me forever.

My mother has tried to help me and said that this young man I did that w/ is no fool and that he wouldn't take the chance of NOT getting tested regularly and she said, what reason would he have to lie about it? My father mentioned that I haven't been sick more than 2 times in the past 6 and a half years.

He lied about a lot of things, like his age (saying he was 16 when he was 15) and I didn't find out he had a serious girlfriend (who was 20) until 6 months after meeting him. I know these are different things to fib about and he was just an immature 15-year-old with too much freedom to date and sleep with girls.

He slept with, according to him, 40-50 women. This could be an exaggeration, but I would wager he slept with at least 15-20?? Promiscuous girls who each had slept with multiple partners. When I first met him and we were both 15 and 1/2, he volunteered the information casually in a conversation that he had been tested for diseases and asked me if I'd ever been tested. I had never done anything sexually, so had no need to be--at least not at the age of 15.

I don't take very good care of myself as far as a healthy diet or sleep or exercise and I have always been thin. BUT I have never been sick in the past 6 and a half years, except for once in March 1999 and had a few colds or fatigue for 1-2 days at a time b/w 1999 and 2002, when I was a college student. The HIV websites mentioned that the only signs early on of the virus are within months of the infection, when the person experiences flu-like symptoms. I got the flu 5 and a half months later. It was also my first year of college and my first semester living away from home and my immune system might not have been used to college life.

I am worried at the back of my mind that he did have HIV and lied about getting tested and that I was infected with it that night--the condom breaking could have been b/c of roughness and so, my skin may have experienced microscopic tears in that area, and when his fluids entered me (by mistake), I could have gotten it and had it all along.

I am afraid and wish I had never read that the disease lies dormant and shows no symptoms in over 75% of women infected with it. I am afraid that he slept with someone who had HIV and is too arrogant to care and is infected himself and too ashamed to face it and so, goes along as if he isn't HIV positive, infecting his girlfriend, etc. Or he never got tested ever and lied about the results. And if he lied about giving blood to his sister when she gave birth to triplets. There might not even be triplet nephews, b/c he lied about a lot of things--again, mostly about silly things when we were 15 and 16, but still. He also is not a horrible person. He took steroids that ruined his personality when he was 15-18, but he apologized later at age 19-21 for how meanly he treated me and is not stupid.

I know you might not be medical doctors, but can you reassure me that medically, I could not possibly have HIV/AIDS and provide medical information that reassures me once and for all that I can put this behind me???!!!

Posted by helpforhomeschoolers (Member # 15) on :

Sister Seagreen:

Do you believe that Jesus the Christ is the Son of the Living God, who died and is risen and whose blood was shed to pay for the sins of the world?

Do you believe that his blood was enough to pay for the sins of the world and that God the father accepted it as such?

If you do not believe this then we need to talk.

If you do with all your heart believe this; then I would ask you this:

Have you confessed your sexual sin to God the Father?

If you have not confessed your sin to God the Father then we need to talk.

If you have here is what you need to know:

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If you have confessed your sin to the Father God Almighty as sin, then HE IS FAITHFUL to FORGIVE you your sin and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. Period.

If you have confessed your sin to the Father God; He has already forgiven your sin.

Now you have a responsibility to go and sin no more.

And what you are experiencing is called spiritual warfare. The enemy Satan is keeping you bound to your fear.

Now, being forgiven of sins, means that we will not have eternal consequince for our sins; but it does not mean that we will not experience consequinces for our sins in this world. AIDS is one of those consequinces that we can experieince as the result of sexual sin.

But we cannot live in fear. The Bible says this about fear;

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Fear is what Satan likes to use against us...also guilt. God does not desire us to fear what will happen to this body in this life; God does not either desire us to be bound by guilt. God does not need or want our guilt he wants our obedience or love or relationship with him.

Satan keeps us from being close to God with guilt shame and fear.

Here is how we deal with Satan:

Ephesians 6:11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

We can talk about the armour of God if you like.
You can read about it in Ephesians.

Ephesians 6:14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

Here is another good scripture:

James 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

But more importantly here is what you need to know; if you are God's child it does not mean that you may never get AIDS or Cancer or any number of illnesses; Many who have not sinned also get AIDS as the result of someone else's sin; but what is important is that here is how God works in our lives:

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

ALL THINGS...even the things that the world is fearful of...even the things that hurt and cause death...ALL things. God uses all things to work for our good. Many who live with AIDS God uses to minister to others and shed HIS light in the world. Many who have died from cancer have been mighty witnesses and ministers for God bringing his love and freedom to others. This is our purpose in life...that God may work through us that we can be HIS eyes, feet, arms, legs, heart, light and love in the world.

There is nothing absolutely nothing that can happen to the child of God in this world that can stop God from working it for good in the life of his child.

Lastly, you said this:

quote:
I'm not worthy of Mary or God's love, but please have mercy on me and intercede on my behalf and show me that I have always been healthy and always will be healthy and that I can put these worries about HIV behind me forever.

Mary loved mankind because she was a child of God, a follower and disciple of Christ; she loved as God does all men, especially the unlovable.

God's love is not a love that is bestowed upon the worthy; none of us not one person who has ever lived was worthy of God's love except for Christ Jesus, because every man or woman who was ever born of a woman was born in sin and born fallen from the grace of God except for Christ.

God's love is bestowed upon man...not because man is worthy, but because God can do nothing less. God is love. This is why God sent his SON to pay the price of SIN for all men and to bring reconcillation with God to man.

There is one person who interceded before the Father God on our behalf and it is not Mary. It is Jesus. Do not take my word for this, take God's word:

1 Timothy 2:5 For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus;

In every single new testament scripture where the word intercession is used it is used to show that the Holy Spirit intercedes and you know that the Father, Son & Holy Ghost are one.

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

Romans 8:27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

Romans 8:34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.

This he is also Christ:

Hebrews 7:25 Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them.

This is why Jesus taught us to pray directly to the Father God in HIS name. When we come before the Father God in Prayer...we come in the name of Jesus alone, because Jesus alone is the only one worthy to sit at the right hand of the Father and to mediate for us. Jesus himself prays for us.

No place...NO PLACE in the scriptures are we ever instructed to pray to anyone except the Father God...or to pray in any other name than the name of Jesus.

The Scripture tells us that what we ask in the name of Jesus is given to us. When we pray in the name of Jesus, we come before the Father as one's who bear the name, the seal, of Jesus, worthy only because of the blood to come before the throne.

John 16:23 And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you.

Matthew 6:7 But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.

Mark 11:24 Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

Luke 11:2 And he said unto them, When ye pray, say, Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth.

THis is how Jesus commanded us to pray.

Posted by TEXASGRANDMA (Member # 847) on :

Here is something to think about.
It is possible that all your fears come from quilt and a need that you feel to punish yourself.
But, honey, God has fogive you. You need to forgive yourself, too. When the devil pops these thoughts in your head, just tell the devil that your fate is in God's hands and you need not fear anything.
I worked in surgery for two years and several times came in contact with blood from patients once the blood even went into one of my eyes. I decieded that I was not going to let myself be over come by fear of what if. Me, worring about what if's will not change one iota. So now, you too need to let go of your fears. I am not saying it is easy. But everytime this thought comes in your head that you may have aids or some other kind of disease, instead of letting the thoughts have control of your mind. Remind yourself that you are in God's hands and then begin to sing your favorite praise and worship song. Remember, dear, God did not give us a spirit of fear.
I, too will pray for you.

Dear Jesus,
Please take away all the guilt, shame, and fear from this child. Give her a heart of peace and joy. When the enemy comes with words to tormet her, remind her that you are in control and you will take care of her.
In Jesus name,
betty

Posted by woody (Member # 3233) on :

Seagreen,
I don't understand. Have you been tested for HIV?
If so and the test was negative, relax. If you haven't been tested, do so.

Spiritually if you have given yourself to Jesus.
That means you have:

A dmited that you are a sinner, one who has fallen short.

B elieve in your heart that Jesus died for you.

Confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord.

Then you need to:

be Discipled. Start studying the Bible, both on your own and with a group.

start to Evangelize, share your faith with others.

Join in Fellowship with other believers. Find a good Bible believing, preaching, living church.

This means you will Grow in grace and favour with God and man.

When this happens you will, with proper medical treatment (if needed), be able to put away the anxiety and obsesive / compulsive diorder.

We are praying for you to:
1) Know Jesus as your Lord and MASTER.
2) To know the truth about wether you have any STDs.
3) To put aside your fears. If you belong to Jesus, He will never give you more than you are able to bear.

Rom 8:28 says ...all things work together for good to those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.

Remember (Rom 8:32) His purpose is that we be like Jesus.

Posted by LaurieFL (Member # 3794) on :

Seagreen-

You have received some excellent counsel here from everyone who has answered you. Do not let Satan have you living in fear. One thing you must do though, is get tested - no reason not to do so. Also, make sure you have asked forgiveness from God for your sin and then rest assured that you are forgiven and if you walk in His will daily, then anything that does happen to you (whether you are HIV+ or not) will be okay, because you have eternal security in HIM.

I will pray for you [Smile]