Christian Message Boards: Strength Needed

This is topic Strength Needed in forum Prayer Request at Christian Message Boards.

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Posted by DenisenOK (Member # 2379) on :

I am new here. So I want to say Hi first. And God Blessings to each of you.

Three years ago I married a man. We received Jesus as our Saviour together while we were dating. Since we married he has cheated on me three times that I know of. The most recent three weeks ago. He is verbally abusive and has been physically abusive and he has packed up his things and moved out three different times. He is staying out later and later avoiding me and my daughters. He refuses to help me with taking the girls to school and just daily things for them. He keeps telling me over and over that he don't love me and that he is only with me because he feels guilty over the financial problem he would set me in if he walked out. He has been to see horror movies and been to a couple of bars in the past week. I know he is not sold out to Jesus if he is acting this way. He was part of the Praise and Worship team. (not anymore) I am a Sunday School teacher. I love my babies that I teach. All this has taken a toll on my children and myself. My Pastors have been wonderful. They are there for me at all times day and night. They pray constantly for my husband and my girls and ofcourse me. And will stand behind any decision I choose to make. I am tired. My teaching is suffering because of this. My children are having trouble because of this. I need strength. I come home and see my husbands things there and I get sad. I want him to go. I have devoted three painful years to him. I have taken him back home after the cheating and the hitting. I have put my children in this situation all to try to save my marriage. Is it wrong for me to say no more? I know I have biblical foundation for a divorce and to be very honest that seems the only safe thing to do right now. I still love this man. It is a God given love I have for him because Denise could not do this in my flesh. My heart breaks when I look at him so sad and lost. He is a hurting little boy inside. I don't want to quit him like this but, he keeps hurting me and my girls. He has never hurt my children physically. But, he is so ugly to me at times that that hurts my girls. Do I need to pray in the Spirit more. Do I need to change who I am? Do I need to live like this? What do I do? I keep pleading the Blood over my house and my family. Him sleeping with this other woman there is no telling what spirits he brought back on him and in him. What else can I do?

Posted by Pastor Dave (Member # 965) on :

Sister this man has forsaken his commitment to you and to his God. You have every right to ask for a divorce and I do not say this lightly. When our marriage partner forsakes us then it is the design of God to allow us to divorce. In biblical times they would have stoned both your husband’s partner and your husband for committing adultery. Jesus also taught us that even this sin can be forgiven and we should make every effort to reconcile our marriage after this sin manifests itself in our marriage. God is a God of love and reconciliation. He even forgave King David for committing adultery and killing his partner’s husband in an effort to hide the crime. After you have prayed and consulted with your pastor about this matter if the only answer left is divorce then God will not hold you to account. You also have the right to expect your husband to continue to support you and your children.

All this said if you choose divorce it will not be easy and you can expect a period of time where you will not have sufficient income to cover your expenses. Also your husband serving Satan, as you describe that he is, will most likely react to your decision to petition the courts for divorce with a very destructive anger. Because if he has been violent in the past he will probably be more violent than you have ever seen him when he hears about your divorce decision. Therefore if you choose divorce make sure that you are not alone informing your husband and that you have made arrangements with your church and extended family that you and your children will have continued protection. Apparently your husband is afraid of what will become of his financial condition if he were to divorce you because according to your post he has said that the only thing keeping him in the household is financial commitment. So please be careful, he will probably explode if you take the initiative to end your marriage.

Father, I come to you with a petition of reconciliation for DenisenOK ‘s marriage her husband has broken his vows and has caused much pain and terror to come upon his wife and her children. Lord send him the convicting power of the Holy Spirit that his stony heart may be changed to a heart of flesh and love. Lord let your will be done in this matter and your perfect mercy and judgment be manifest in this Godly wife’s husband’s life. Protect her and her children from this violent man. Give DenisenOK uncommon wisdom that she will make good and righteous decisions regarding this matter. In Jesus Name Amen.

Posted by Ms. Iron Creek (Member # 2383) on :

DenisenOK,
I was born into a family with an abusive father. I had abusive boyfriends. I married four abusive men, one after the other. I suffered as a child growing up watching the abuse. My children suffered watching the men I married abuse me. This I know from listening to them talk. I can only say that I don't think God would want you to suffer like this, nor for the children to suffer, or watch you suffer. I believe you have both biblical and legal grounds for a divorce. You say he is cheating on you. Adultery is grounds for divorce, biblically and legally. I also do not believe God would want you to tolerate being be beaten. For about a year now I have been thinking about how I could help other abused women. Lately I had been praying for guidance in my life, after leaving my last husband. After praying I came across a book called Jesus and Courageous Women by Elsa Tamez, and in it I found an interesting piece. It tells how the system of patriarchy has fundamentally been a form of domination and violence against women. It includes a litany of freedom which is as follows:
-----------------------------------
We are here to end patriarchal violence. Yes we will!
We are here to break the terror. Yes we will!
We are here to heal the wounded. Yes we will!
We are here to help each other. Yes we will!
We are here to make a new beginning. Yes we will!
We are here to change the system. Yes we will!
We are moving out together. Yes we are!
We are cerating a new world that is safe and happy. Yes we are!
Where women, men, and children can live together without fear. Yes we will!
The end of the old, the beginning of the new. This is the time!
The end of terror, the beginning of safety. This is the place!
The end of silence. The beginning of protest and change.
We are the ones, and we will do it. Yes we will!
----------------------------
Now there is one website I strongly recommend that you look at. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence If he is violent and you choose to leave you may need help. There is a wealth of information on this site. This phone number can direct you to a woman's shelter if necessary or give you other referrals for help also 1-800-799-7233 Also here you can find State Agencies to help women in your position in every state in the nation. [url=http://www.ncadv.org/resources/state.htm/]State Coalitions Against Domestic Violence Information on [url=http://www.ncadv.org/gettinghelp/safetyplan.htm/]Safety PlanningI suffered a lot in my life, and no one close to me offered any help. I have had to figure out the logistics of leaving and protecting myself on my own. If you want to talk to someone about this problem please feel free to email me at iron_creek_nanny@yahoo.com

Posted by Ms. Iron Creek (Member # 2383) on :

Oh and by the way my prayers are with you [Prayer]

Posted by RisamyRisa (Member # 1854) on :

Hi there,

I have suffered through emotional and physically abusive relationships and I know that you must be going through a lot. My father was emotionally abusive towards my mother. My sister and I both, at 19 and 21 respectively, have been through abusive relationships. Hers was physical, mine more emotional. When my father left us, there wasn't a one of us that would have asked my mom to reconcile the marriage. My mom has really grown in Christ now that she is independent of this relationship. My sister broke out of her physically abusive relationship and is now married to someone else, but she's been in a cycle with the abuser since she was 14 and they have a child together, it has been VERY hard to break away. I was looking to reach my full potential in my relationship with Christ and the ridicule of the young man I dated held me back. I'm now with someone who supports and encourages my faith, and my commitment to my personal realtionship with God has never been better.

What I'm getting at is that it sounds to me like, in your current situation, you are being held back from your full potential as a person, as a woman, and as a Christian. No matter what you decide to do with your husband, you NEED to take care of yourself and your kids. Call the numbers provided above, go to the websites. Get a protective order - not a restraining order, a protective order is a no-contact order in which if he even calls the police will try to find him and arrest him. Get the upper hand, get control for the sake of yourself and your kids. THEN decide if you want to work on the relationship. I'll be praying for you and the kids. I know that you can do it! Be careful!

Posted by ucanbeasurvivor (Member # 2406) on :

Let the Lord guide you # 1

Take all advice you get to prayer . But let all final decisions be made by you & the Lord alone .

It took me 16 + years to get out of a emotional abusive marriage . Now Im divorce happily remarried to a man 150% sold out to Jesus Christ .

Praying [Prayer]

for you
You are Loved

[wiggle7]

Posted by TEXASGRANDMA (Member # 847) on :

You should talk to someone you trust. It maybe that you need to throw your husband out. Many times a man that abuses his wife will also abuse his kids. The Bible allows for divorce when a mate is cheating on them. You do not have to live in a house filled with pain and misery.

Your husband is a Christian. You could have your pastor talk to your husband and have him tell him that he should either be a good husband and father or leave and start a single life. After all, your husband is living the "single" life already. Keep your faith in God. He will not fail you.

Posted by Saved (Member # 2407) on :

My thoughts and prayers are with you, my friend. I know this is such a painful decision, but as mentioned before it is imperitive to take yourself and your children away from the maliciousness of this relationship. None of you deserve what is happening to you. God wants you to be happy and joyous!

Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice. Psalm 51:17

You can throw your whole weight of anxieties on Him, for you are His personal concern. 1 Peter 5:7

Light, space, zest - that's God! So with him on my side I'm fearless, afraid of no one and nothing. Psalm 27:1

Lots of love,
Saved

Posted by TwinsGranny (Member # 2137) on :

I stand in agreement in prayer for you and ask the Lord to help you make the break from this abusive relationship. Know that you are well loved and the Father is right here for you and He will give you the guidance and answers you need and the strength to do that which He leads you to do. I pray that you will be filled with God's peace as you do this. God Bless you!