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Posted by LogansGranny (Member # 2340) on :

After much searching and not finding the right church "home" for us, we've finally hit a place that suits us all to a tee (and we LOVE it)!
That is...
All of us except...
My husband.
He's a Preacher. (One who has been going through some trials himself lately...)
He says he thinks that the church is "false teaching" if it doesn't believe in the gifts still being around, and if he jumps up and says AMEN to something, they'll become offended and throw him out. (Apparently a Baptist church did that to him before when he first got saved.)
And he says that since he is a Preacher that if he chooses to pull his family out of there, then we have to go. I know he is the head of the family, but since there's not been a very good job done (involves other issues), isn't it my place to take over for the childrens sake? And take us to a church where we all "fit"?
I just don't know what to do.
It's almost as if he likes to "pull rank" when it suits him, and we have to follow suit.
If it wasn't for this latest squabble about this church, we probably wouldn't even be going anywhere, because the last pace we went, he got offended because he "wasn't recognized as a Preacher" and they never asked him to speak.
Can someone please offer some insight and some prayer on this? There's 2 teens involved who never wanted to attend church until we went to this one, and after the fisrt service there, our 17 y/o dd re-dedicated her life to Christ and has been doing well since! [Cross]

And I am supposed to give this up because they "possibly" believe the gifts died with the Saints?
(Heck of a first post, huh?) [1zhelp]

Posted by helpforhomeschoolers (Member # 15) on :

Hi Logansgranny: This is Jaredsgranny [hyper]

How old is Logan? My Jared is 4. Aren't grandkids awesome! You can spoil em rotten and send them back! I love it [biglaugha]

Seriously, I will address your post, but I pray first that you will keep and open heart when you read it. This issue is one that is dear to my heart and one that I believe is also dear to God's.

You said:

quote:
After much searching and not finding the right church "home" for us, we've finally hit a place that suits us all to a tee (and we LOVE it)!That is...All of us except...My husband.

I would like to ask you pray about the heart that is behind those words that say that the church is perfect for you all EXCEPT your husband.

If our husbands are to us as Christ is to the church then this is what that looks like:

After much searching and not finding the right church "home" for us, we've finally hit a place that suits us all to a tee (and we LOVE it)!That is...All of us except...Jesus Christ.

I know that these are tough words but I believe that the scripture is very clear about how we are to be with our husbands, and that is ONE.

If it is not perfect for him, it is not perfect for you for you and he are supposed to be one. This is How GOD has ordained it.

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Note this does not say everything except where you go to church, it says EVERYTHING! Will you argue with God?

Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

quote:
I know he is the head of the family, but since there's not been a very good job done (involves other issues), isn't it my place to take over for the children's sake? And take us to a church where we all "fit"?

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

Look what this says above. Even if your husband obeys not the word of GOD! You are not called to be in subjection to your good wonderful charming husband with whom you always agree. You are called by God to be in subjection to your husband in ALL things period.

We are not called to make our husbands see the light or make them more Godly men. We are called to be Godly wives no matter what. This is God's way and it is often how he works in our husband's life.

It absolutely is NOT NOT NOT your place or purpose to take over what things you feel he does not do well. It is God's job to deal with him regarding the things he does not do well.

It is your job to be a Godly wife. When you step out of that role by doing what God has not ordained you to and that is take over his job, you bring to a halt the work that God desires to do in him!

If you see that your husband is not doing a good job as a husband, father, or spiritual leader in your home then your job is to be a Godly wife and support him, even when it is costly, and to PRAY.

Pray for his leadership, pray for His spiritual ears, pray for his humbleness of heart, PRAY PRAY PRAY.

But I will worn you that when we begin to pray for our husbands in earnest,... I mean real ferverent prayer that he will be the man God longs for him to be... not because it benefits us, but because we love this man and our hearts desire is that he know the joy that comes from walking squarely in the Lord's will, THEN what you will likely find is that through your prayers God will lead you to see the ways that you are not a Godly wife.

You will then have to deal with those issues. But the good news is that when you do... the more Godly a wife you become, the more Godly a husband you get!

You do your children a tremendous disservice to allow them to see that you are sided with them in disagreement with your husband.

They are learning from you, not just How themselves to be Godly wives, but how to be obedient children to the Lord.

Our relationship in marriage is designed to allow us to experience on earth the closest earthly thing we have to the likes of the relationship with his bride/church.

quote:
And I am supposed to give this up because they "possibly" believe the gifts died with the Saints?

I don't know if you are supposed to give this up. Personally, I would not want to be in a church where the spiritual gifts are not welcome or you could not say a hearty AMEN! or raise your hands in prayer. But if you are supposed to give it up, it wont be because they believe the gifts died with the Apostles (you and I are Saints). It will be because the best place for you is the place that God leads your husband to.

God will not use you to direct your family where to go. God will not break the authority of the family structure that he has designed and ordained. It is in all cases the best way even though it may not at times look like the best way. God will direct your family to the right church through your husband.

We should not chose a church based on what feels right or good for us. We should chose a church because that is where God leads us to be. And he most likely will chose the place where he can use you the most. We attend church, not for what we get out of it, but for worship and fellowship and uplifting and serving. It is not about you and what you need. God knows what you need and he will provide it when you seek first his face and HIS will.

Your walk including the church you attend is not about you but about HIM. Where will HE be able to use you the best to bless and serve others and bring HIM glory.

There is a good book called the Power of a Praying Wife, by Stormie Omartin. I would recommend it. You can find it at most Christian book stores.

God Bless you and lead you to be all that he desires you to be that you may be a blessing in your home to your husband and your children and may that blessing overflow into what ever church God leads.

In Love and Christ,
Linda

Posted by LogansGranny (Member # 2340) on :

Hi! ANd thank you for your reply...
Logan is 6, and I can't send him back after the spoiling...we are raising him (That makes it difficult at times, cause I want to be "The spoiling one" but I have to admit, it's just as fun this way.... [youpi]

Anyway~ I appreciate what you have said, but I don't understand some things. I know that man is the head, but after much bouncing from church to church (There's always something wrong, and it's usually because he's not "recognized"), it's has effected the kids. They aren't wanting to go to church anymore, nor do they want to listen to their Dad about the Word. They have heard him complain about no-one asking him to preach, and complain about this and that. He yells all the time (for the smallest things) and runs this family like boot camp. Everyone gets the little cutting remarks made to them and frankly, it hurts.
I don't side with them against my husband, they don't see that, but I do talk to him after his rampages and then I get the brunt of his anger too.
And as far as him using the Bible to his advantage, yes, those seem to be the only scriptures he knows by heart. About the wife being in submission to her husband and the marriage bed is his favorite. (Used to make me feel guilty, or try to, when I don't feel quite up to par with his demands in the bedroom, which are not Godly, by far...but that's yet another issue).
Two of the children are almost grown and out of the house, and frankly, I am afraid if we continue to follow the running here and there looking for a church home and never finding one, they'll not even look when they leave home.
Does that make sense?
But yes, I should spend more time in prayer for my husband. I agree with that.
Oh! And I do have Stormie Omartins book "Power of a Praying Wife". Maybe I should gt it out and re-read it again. Might do me some good.
Again...thank you for taking the time to answer me and my question...
Pray for us because the Associate Pastor and the Youth Pastor are coming by in the AM to have a talk with all of us. Between 9-10am. [dance]

Posted by barrykind (Member # 35) on :

As a witness in the mouth of 2 or 3 witnesses;
i would say that i would be that 3rd witness here.

HelpFHS .. Linda
really had some bible wisdom~Godly advice... Which i believe the scriptures teach.

im still working on the part "The husband shall love his wife like Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it"... there's a goal for me!

But the advice Linda gave is solid LG..

i think i detected a bitterness in your second post toward your husband (forgive me if i missed the intent)..

Pray and seek Gods face, follow your husband and pray for God to direct his paths..

we will pray also for your family..

[Prayer]

Posted by Homebound (Member # 1699) on :

Just a couple comments on some words of advice offered to Logansgranny.

quote:
God will not use you to direct your family where to go . God will not break the authority of the family structure that he has designed and ordained. It is in all cases the best way even though it may not at times look like the best way. God will direct your family to the right church through your husband. .

First, God is God. He can direct a wife, husband, laypeople, ministers - whoever He chooses. If a husband is absorbed with unresolved issues in his life, full of anger, etc., that man may not be in a position to follow God's directions. If God wants to work through his wife (or anyone else for that matter) to bring direction to the family, that's God's choice; only He knows the full situation. No person can say who God will use or not use; that's up to Him and Him alone.

Advice and "opinions" and rebukes are way too easily handed out on these threads - especially this one. Hopefully LogansGranny will not let the opinions of a few discourage her in her walk with the Lord and in seeking His will for her and her family.

Posted by Homebound (Member # 1699) on :

PhilipIHS wrote:

quote:
So, you think it might be God's choice for the wife to defy her husband, which also means defying what the Bible teaches. Usually, the end result of couples not getting along is a lot of misery for everyone. He needs his wife's support, not aggravation

Phil: So, you think that I think that it might be God's choice for the wife to defy her husband. Please re-read my post. Did I use the word "defy"? Did I say a wife shouldn't be supportive? Did I say a wife should aggravate her spouse? The point was simply that God can work through anyone, in any way He chooses. God is God - who are we to put limits on how He will work in someone's life?

Your assessment of my words isn't correct, but it is a prime example of how people so easily and eagerly make judgments based on their own opinions. A person posts a few paragraphs about what's going on in their life, and immediately others are eager to jump on the bandwagon and offer their "advice" (which is based on their own, limited interpretation of the situation), rebuke them, and tell them what God will and will not do in their lives. It's appalling.

Posted by helpforhomeschoolers (Member # 15) on :

Hi Appalling here:

God's word and principles on the authority in the home and the relationship between husband and wife do not change because we write a paragraph about our lives or a book.

Go will never do something that makes his word null or void. There is no contradiction i the scriptures only contradiction in our hearts.

If speaking God's word to someone who asks makes me appauling, then I am pleased to be appalling. Thank you.

I believe that Spirit of God is at work enough that Logan's Granny knows that I do not doubt the difficulty of her situation or her accuracy in accesssing the problems or the root of the problems in her situation.

God calls us as women to teach these thing to our sisters and our daughters and my advice would have been no different if she were my daughter or my life long friend.

God has established our roles and when we walk in those roles He is glorified and our husbands are blessed and thus our families become blessed.

When we say to ourselves, I have to do this (pick any role of the husband you like to fill in the blank) because he (our husbands) are not doing this...., then we are really saying I dont have faith in God to direct our husbands.

God will deal with her husband. Or God will provide a way for her to deal without having to violate God's way, will, word, or authority.

God knows her needs. God will not require of her that she disobey HIM to fulfill her own needs. God will provide all that we need according to HIS riches and Glory when we walk in his will and are obedient to his word and seek him and his way not ours. That is the essence of faith.

Posted by LogansGranny (Member # 2340) on :

ok..Ok...OK!!!!
Stop with the argueing already! I asked for advice and I got advice!
Yes, I was (and possibly am) a bit bitter at my husbands choices he has made and I do not feel he is near as Godly as he thinks he is, but that doesn't stop me from loving him and trying to follow what the Bible says as closely as I can.
I do appreciate the time you all have taken out for me, and the thought involved with your words.

Just in case anyone would like to know..the Associate Pastor came over and so did the Youth Pastor...had a nice visit, and we decided to make that our church home. For now. With both of us keeping an open mind and open hearts to prayer.

The Lord is continually guiding both of us as parents and as spouses. We need each other and we certainly need the Lord. And I have noticed that the closer I get to whom the Lord wants me to be, the closer my husband and I are "meshing" together into what He wants US to be....

Thanks to all of you! [Kiss]

Posted by helpforhomeschoolers (Member # 15) on :

What an awesome testimony that is! That is God's truth sister... The closer we get to being what God wants US to be the closer we as a husband and wife get to what God wants us to be!!! Amen.

God is good and faithful and a REWARDER of those who diligently seek him. Praise him!

I think we all struggle with that sometimes. Can I look at my husband and say he is not as Godly as I think he should be or as he thinks he is. Perhaps, I could. But I wouldn't and I dont because that is what the enemy would have me do.

I bet God could could look at me that way, more often than I would care to acknowledge. But I believe that he looks at what I am through Christ becoming. And that is what I focus on when I look at my husband.

God bless you and thank you for a beautiful testimony this morning. I hope you will stick around and join us in other topics and keep us posted on how God is working in your new church.

Posted by TEXASGRANDMA (Member # 847) on :

It doesn't sound to me like your husband is taking his role as the head of the family, seriously. I have no problem, changing a Church for your husband. I was raised Assembly of God but when my hubby got saved 10 years ago, he wanted to go to the Baptist Church and so I changed for his sake. But, you have to consider the children. Your husband needs to realize that he needs to find a Church that his children feel comfortable in. It is unfair to drag young people from Church to Church. If he doesn't want his children to grow up against the Church, he needs to make an effort to find a Church home that not only makes him happy but also makes the rest of the family happy. If he will not take his job seriously, then I feel that you are in the right to take the children to a Church were they are happy. I will pray for your husband and your whole family.

Posted by Han-a (Member # 2209) on :

I agree with that. I think it would be a terrible shame if your children stopped coming and it is great that they are going to this church.

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