Christian Message Boards: Yes or No

This is topic Yes or No - 2 in forum Polls Only at Christian Message Boards.

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Posted by HisGrace (Member # 3438) on :

I'm going to kick my survey up a notch by asking what do you think about posters who are in a committed romantic situation being involved in chatrooms and/or ongoing private messages of a personal nature with members of the opposite sex?

Posted by LaurieFL (Member # 3794) on :

I am unclear what you are asking. Do I think it is okay for a married person to have a close friedship with someone of the opposite sex? My emphatic opinion is "No."

Do I think a married person can speak to someone of the opposite sex and even have occasional personal conversations with them? Yes, but they need to constantly check their heart and be very careful and not do it to often, in my opinion.

My former pastor addressed this issue and said for women to be especially careful, as we can often seek others to fulfill emotional needs we aren't having met in our marriage an can be in essence cheating emotionally on our spouse, being emotionally unfaithful. He believed this never had to even extend to improper physical thooughts or actions, but merely the closeness was completely breaking down the bond between the husband and I wife. I agree completely with him. He said one good indication was if you found yourself thinking about this person much and looking forward to interacting with them a lot.

I think when folks are married and even when they are not, that they should be very careful and watchful of their own behavior and how much time they spend with someone of the opposite sex. It can quickly lead down a wrong path if not carefully guarded.

Posted by HisGrace (Member # 3438) on :

quote:
Originally posted by LaurieFL:
I am unclear what you are asking. Do I think it is okay for a married person to have a close friedship with someone of the opposite sex? My emphatic opinion is "No."

I agree. This would also include, in my opinion, a committed girlfriend/boyfriend relationship as well. Attention that should be meant for the No. 1 person in our lives is being fragmented, for one thing, not to mention our guard which would always have to be checked with caution.

Posted by Eduardo Grequi (Member # 3984) on :

I voted no. YOu have to define what you call personal information. Talking negative about a spouse with anyone is a no-no. Get advice about relationsip problems has to be very limited. Remember sex talks are out of the questions. Being comfortable with your sexuality is not a sin, but no one needs to know that.I remember back when-

when holding hands in public or private was just as intimate as hugging and groppin. Nowadays we have become desensitized to alot of seemingly sin or appearation of sin.

Posted by redkermit (Member # 4059) on :

I voted yes on the first question, as I don't see chat rooms being much different than what we do here...

Posted by Lunarius (Member # 4205) on :

Which group of posters though? There are non-Christians on this site too.
I have to agree with both Laurie AND Eduardo on their straightforward explanations. The reason is that this is a question of subject matter within a given discussion, and how far the two people in question take those details.
Christians on a chat site or active in private messaging should NOT be discussing sexuality with someone other than their spouse, in a manner which is obviously personal between the couple and God. I see no issue in expressing, to a certain degree, how much they love and care for their other half, but nothing should go beyond this in detail (this also goes for discussions with members of the SAME sex!). If your question is ALSO in reference to non-Christians, then my answer is the same, but it doesn't mean that it's going to stop occurring.

Posted by HisGrace (Member # 3438) on :

quote:
Originally posted by redkermit:
I voted yes on the first question, as I don't see chat rooms being much different than what we do here...

I have never been in a chatroom, but aren't conversations on a more personal level? Therefore, you can develop 'close' relationships with posters of the opposite sex, which takes away from the intimacy with your spouse. Just my personal opinion.

Posted by redkermit (Member # 4059) on :

quote:
Originally posted by HisGrace:

quote:
Originally posted by redkermit:
I voted yes on the first question, as I don't see chat rooms being much different than what we do here...
I have never been in a chatroom, but aren't conversations on a more personal level? Therefore, you can develop 'close' relationships with posters of the opposite sex, which takes away from the intimacy with your spouse. Just my personal opinion.

I suppose they can be, but I've seen some sharing of extremely personal information here. True, it's a little different, because in a chat room, the interactions are immediate, but the same things that happen there can certainly happen here.

Posted by HisGrace (Member # 3438) on :

There is a different atmosphere on message boards. It is not as "cosy" as immediate interaction. Besides, there are a hundred pair of eyes watching to make sure we make an appropriate response.

I'm not talking about this board, but it doesn't take long to spot a flirty poster. I guess we have to guard ourselves with our actions no matter what type of site we get involved in.

Posted by redkermit (Member # 4059) on :

quote:
Originally posted by HisGrace:
I guess we have to guard ourselves with our actions no matter what type of site we get involved in.

Amen to that!

Posted by tenboom155 (Member # 4358) on :

Anyone is capable of doing anything, given the right situation at the right time.

Never should someone in a marraige ever be alone, physically, or on a Computer with someone of the opposite sex. People have been known to "sleep" with an enemy, how much more could that happen with a friend. It is playing with fire.

Never trust yourself too much--you have no idea what you are able to do, and you don't want to find out.

I must sound paranoid, especially to young people, but I've been around for a long time and now nothing I hear surprises me.

Posted by becauseHElives (Member # 87) on :

Not sure how to vote,
but I agree with LaurieFL 100%

Posted by Miguel (Member # 47) on :

1. No
2. No

But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Posted by helpforhomeschoolers (Member # 15) on :

I voted no to both. I see this board is different because what is said is there for everyone to see and it remains there forever, unless you delete it. I don't even send a PM on this board to a male unless my husband sees it or hears it.

What about in person...in the work place; Would you have lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex and chat with them about personal things? What about running into someone at the mall or grocery store, would you stand there for 20 minutes and carry on a personal conversation with someone of the opposite sex if your spouse was not there?

I would be very uncomfortable in any of these situations and would do all I could to avoid them. I do most of the business of running our home, but if I need to call the principal, the banker or the mechanic or the plumber who is a male, my husband makes the call or is present when I call. We just don't see that it is right for us otherwise. It leaves no opportunity for anyone to ever think anything is out of order and also it eliminates the opportunity for anything to ever be perceived as forward on anyone's part. One of my husband's RMs is a women and usually when and email needs to be sent, he has me send it. We also don't ever ride alone in the car with a member of the opposite sex and would not go into the home of a couple with whom we are friends if only one of us is going and only one them of the opposite sex is there.

Posted by HisGrace (Member # 3438) on :

Wow H4HS - really tough guidelines. A very good lesson for us all.

It is especially hard to draw the line when you work with the opposite sex and consider these people to be just very good friends. At one time I was sending e-mails back and forth to a male former co-worker and about a year or so I stopped sending them because I didn't feel right about it in my spirit.

Also, in the past I went out a couple of times with male co-workers for lunch, just the two of us, and in looking back this was quite wrong. To me, it was totally innocent, but I could tell by their innuendos that, if encouraged, it could eventually lead to something inappropriate.

I have a feeling that someone needs this message. "Be extremely careful in the workplace-the devil is very crafty."

Posted by HisGrace (Member # 3438) on :

quote:
Originally posted by helpforhomeschoolers:
I voted no to both. I see this board is different because what is said is there for everyone to see and it remains there forever, unless you delete it. I don't even send a PM on this board to a male unless my husband sees it or hears it.

What about in person...in the work place; Would you have lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex and chat with them about personal things? What about running into someone at the mall or grocery store, would you stand there for 20 minutes and carry on a personal conversation with someone of the opposite sex if your spouse was not there?

I would be very uncomfortable in any of these situations and would do all I could to avoid them. I do most of the business of running our home, but if I need to call the principal, the banker or the mechanic or the plumber who is a male, my husband makes the call or is present when I call. We just don't see that it is right for us otherwise. It leaves no opportunity for anyone to ever think anything is out of order and also it eliminates the opportunity for anything to ever be perceived as forward on anyone's part. One of my husband's RMs is a women and usually when and email needs to be sent, he has me send it. We also don't ever ride alone in the car with a member of the opposite sex and would not go into the home of a couple with whom we are friends if only one of us is going and only one them of the opposite sex is there.

This is a reminder that we need every once in awhile. There is one Board that I know that has issued a very lengthy and firm warning to married members about the dangers of using their message board as an intimate way to communicate with others. I feel as if an occasional spiritual exchange is ok, but never on an ongoing basis, no matter how innocent it appears on the surface.

They finish with the words."This board exists to honour God. Please remember that each one of us is accountable to Him"

Posted by bygrace (Member # 4556) on :

I voted no to both, I believe the devil needs very little foothold to start his destruction.
bygrace

Posted by WalkTheTalk (Member # 4703) on :

Hi, newbie here!
Your topic caught my attention,
I think a lot of Christians discuss
this issue - both old & young.
There's some wise counsel in this thread!

It reminded me of one of the marriage seminars
my husband & I attended.
One instruction that has stuck with me is this,
"Protect the Relationship."

No, it's not scripture, & it's certainly not
the only (or first) rule/advice needed by
married couples, but it nailed it.
The leader addressed it to both husbands & wives,
basically saying that if you find yourself in a situation that could or has led to temptation, then it's up to you to protect the relationship
- no matter what.
If you're feeling uncomfortable,
or feeling tempted, or you think the other
person may be feeling tempted, or it's
perfectly innocent but someone could misconstrue
what you've said/haven't said, then RUN.

He emphasized that Jesus was tempted in many ways, & that we should expect to be tempted, and as others here have pointed out we need to avoid or remove ourselves from situations that could provide dangerous opportunities.
He also was careful to remind us to ask God for help right then & there, as Jesus did when He was tempted.

I think it's important to remember that
temptation by itself is not the sin,
but it was for His good reason that Jesus said, "Resist the devil & he will flee from you."
Sometimes it's us that needs to flee in order to resist (even if it's only chocolate cake) [Wink]

Posted by MySavingGrace (Member # 4697) on :

i have online friendships with guys but nothing more. if it gets too close/loving/intimate that is crosisng the line and not faithful. i see nothing wrong in friendships with the opposite sex online but to be too close is another story. even if it is just with a keyboard, it isnt fair to the person your heart is meant to belng to.

Posted by redkermit (Member # 4059) on :

quote:
Originally posted by MySavingGrace:
i have online friendships with guys but nothing more. if it gets too close/loving/intimate that is crosisng the line and not faithful. i see nothing wrong in friendships with the opposite sex online but to be too close is another story. even if it is just with a keyboard, it isnt fair to the person your heart is meant to belng to.

I tend to agree with you logically, but it is a very touchy issue. You don't necessarily decide overnight that you are going to cheat on someone. It happens in small steps & you may become so close with someone before you even realize it's happening. I just think it's an area where we need to be very careful, and it's probably just better not to walk on the edge in this situation. Emotion wins out over logic 99% of the time!

Posted by HisGrace (Member # 3438) on :

quote:
Originally posted by helpforhomeschoolers:
I don't even send a PM on this board to a male unless my husband sees it or hears it.

I believe an occasional PM is ok to someone of the opposite sex, but your high standards have to be admired.

Yes, we have to be so careful because if we 'innocently?' start down the wrong path, God has his way of revealing our deepest secrets . [Kiss]

Proverbs 20:27 The Lord's searchlight penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive.