Christian Message Boards: Yelling Vs. Crying

This is topic Yelling Vs. Crying in forum Favorite Devotions at Christian Message Boards.

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Posted by BrenB124 (Member # 5601) on :

I have a question that's been nagging at me for some time. My husband yells at me a lot. He says he is a man of God. He also does the "I'm head of the household!" thing and says I'm evil and has called me satan at times. Anyway, all this oppression and shouting makes me feel like it's abuse and sometimes I end up really upset and cry. He just says that his yelling is a man's form of crying. They are both emotions he says. This has been going on for 16 years. Most people at church say "just love him." Some friends say "why are you still with him?" I'm really confused. Some at church said that a person who yells can't be filled with the Holy Spirit. Right now he is in our bedroom with the door locked. He prays, fasts (for days at a time) and meditates a lot and I'm not allowed in the bedroom. He says he needs a place to "get away" from me. So, is his yelling abuse or just like him crying? He can really say mean things.

Posted by Pleasemaranatha (Member # 5150) on :

BrenB124,

I am so sorry about your problems. [Frown]

I will pray for you and your husband. It is really awful to be yelled at all the time. I live through that too. Just to have a peaceful home I kill him with kindness. A cup of coffee or homemade cookies when he doesn't expect to receive them. I put love notes all over in places he will find them. It works. My husband isn't my enemy. The enemy just uses him to cause trouble. It is a challenge to get through a day without him screaming about something....even if it is the news or sports.

Then again, sometimes I guess I set him off without knowing why. I'm forgetful and don't put things back as organized as he likes.

Love covers a multitude of sins. It is easy to love someone who loves you but God commands us to love the unlovables. Try christian music to change to atmosphere in your home. I hope you are reading and studing the bible.

Close you eyes and know God is standing right by your side with HIS arm around your shoulders. He will guide your steps. He sees it all.

God Bless You [Cross]

Posted by Eduardo Grequi (Member # 3984) on :

I am so sorry that you have a husband that loves yelling. Too many Cultures in America do the following- The one who yells the loudest is the manipulator. My father was a brutal predator. His yelling made me not want to yell at others. It seems to me, that if a man of God has to yell at a person, I wonder if he truly is a man of God, or a man of self-manipulation. There is a time to yell, a time to shut up, a time to die and time to make a sabbatical. Do you know if he puts football above the bible? Or man's night out above Wednesday Prayer and bible studying. Perhaps he is child a of Christian parents, He may never had called upon Jesus. I have always heard, a person must meet rock buttom in order to look up. I am a man, I have learn the hard way about my marraige. I remember this lady who made her life an example for all to follow. Her husbnd wasn't Christian, He refused her to go to church, listen to christian music and even have friends over. Then one day, she came into the Church after being absent for a long time and gave her testimony. She said, God commanded me to stay because I was the believer. Divorce was not my steadfastness, Jesus was. She went on saying that her husband died at home of a heart attack yelling at her, like he would normally do. He never made a confession of faith in Jesus. She said, I am free from my marraige and I have no desire to marry any more, I will serve Jesus. They can nail me to the cross. I will not recant my faith. To this day up north, she plays the piano for the Church and visit people on skid row. She is 86 years old at the time of her husband death she was 66. Her name is Yoshabel Mariam Meshenstein. She is a Christian Jew.

Posted by helpforhomeschoolers (Member # 15) on :

I used to be a yeller. I was brutally verbally abusive to people; I believed that I needed to yell to be taken seriously or heard in a way that you would not mistake my seriousness. I yelled at my children, I yelled at their father, I yelled at my employees; I even once yelled at the Cheif of Police and the city attorney in a meeting!

All this time I was a born again Christian indwelled and sealed with the Holy spirit, but I did not walk in the spirit much in those days, I lived in the flesh.

Then God gave me a husband that did not yell ever, and would not be yelled at. He was soft spoken and if you wanted to hear him you had to listen, and if you wanted to speak to him you had to speak to him like an adult not a foot stomping finger shaking 5 year old.

I learned not to yell. It was hardest to learn not to yell at my children. I went through some teen rebellion with 2 of my 3 daughters and I would get angry, lose my temper and yell. But my husband taught me that the moment I raised my voice I actually lost controll of the situation, not gained control and my middle daugter one day proved that to me by laughing at me. The louder I yelled the more she laughed. I was so exhasperated I had to go lock myself in a room. I dont think that I ever yelled at her again.

It is no fun to be yelled at. It is degrading. It is not right and not godly behavior.

But you have received excellent advice from our sister Joyce about how to respond. I would add pray for him; pray that God will lead him to come to express himself and excercise his God given authority in your home in ways that glorify God.

When he yells, do not yell back. If possible cry to God in privacy and just remain silent or repond in calm collectedness..... the Holy Spirit can help you to do this.

Men respond to respect, treat your husband with respect even when he does not deserve respect... do it because you are respecting God. As your husband comes to feel your respect, he will respond to you in more loving ways... God wired us (men and women this way) as you feel more loved, you will respond to him with more respect that is really for him and not just to him for God.

Try to learn the things that you do that say to your husband she does not respect me.... then dont do them. I suspect that your husband feels the need to yell because he feels that he is not respected and needs to yell to communicate to you that he needs and wants your respect.

Try to find the little things that cause him to feel respected and do these. It might be things as simple as a phone call to say you are running late, or a question to ask his input in a situation, or stoping what you are doing and looking him square in the eye when he speaks to you, or getting off the phone when he walks in the door... every situation and home is different, but all men have little things that make them to feel that you respect them... just as you have little things that make you to feel that you are loved or when absent make you to feel unloved.

Of course you and I know that yelling does not get respect... it illicites the opposite.. disrespect. This is why I say you have to show him respect right now.. because you are respecting God. You will do this until the time that you can respect him as he has become respectable.

Pray for him, sincerely, pray for him, like you were the shepherd carrying the little lost and half chewed up lamb to the altar of God for God to heal it. Pray for his walk.

Does that make sense?

May God Bless your home and fill it with peace, joy and love!

In Christ,
Linda