Christian Message Boards: A bit of Humor

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Posted by Brother Paul (Member # 7959) on :

Vy brother (and yours) James wrote:

If College Students Wrote The Bible

The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning -- cold.

The Ten Commandments would actually be only five -- double-spaced and written in a large font.

A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.

Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.

Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to abuse@romans.gov.

Reason Cain killed Abel: they were roommates.

Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.

Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before to get it done.

Brother Paul

Posted by Carol Swenson (Member # 6929) on :

LOL [pound]

These are quotes from elementary school kids:

* In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the
world, so he took the Sabbath off.

* Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called
Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

* Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

* The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with
the unsympathetic Genitals.

* Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel
like Delilah.

* Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
which is bread without any ingredients.

* The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses
went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

* The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

* Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the
hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

* The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand
still and he obeyed him.

* David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the
Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

* Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

* When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the
Magna Carta.

* When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in
the manager.

* Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

* Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before
they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."

* It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
tombstone off the entrance.

* The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles
were the wives of the apostles.

* One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

* St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is
another name for marriage.

* Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Posted by Brother Paul (Member # 7959) on :

Gar Ha ha ho hee and other funny book expressions of laughter!

Paul