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Author
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Topic: Help, considering divorce
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Eden
unregistered
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posted
Hi, MentorsRiddle. What a terrible dilemna. Is your wife a bornagain Christian like you are an active-type Christian. Is she a Christian at all?
You say, in my version of it, “we fell in love and we got married.”
Would you say that you still feel that same love from her at the beginning, or is she more distant now and making more excuses? She still tells you she loves you on the phone, but her actions speak differently.
Often she does not answer the phone, and let me say that you have EVERY RIGHT to “require” of her that she at least answer the phone, provided you don’t call every hour on the hour.
But, even with not calling every hour, it is also legitimate to WANT to call every hour because LOVERS WANT TO TALK TO EACH OTHER and HEAR EACH OTHER’S VOICE and WAY OF SPEAKING ENDEARS THEM. So they all often.
Your wife is actually more like finding you boring and finding the household drudgery also boring; she may be stepping out on you and into the arms of another man.
When they don’t answer the phone and seem to make excuses on the phone when you DO talk to them and start accusing you of being so “controlling”, watch out! You’ll need www.cheaters.com then.
In the meantime, pray for her salvation. Let us pray, "Lord, behold this situation at
MentorsRiddle, Father bless this good brother who wants to do right by calling his wife to salvation. For what, Lord, does it matter if You add ONE more person to Your salvation list? We thank You, Lord, in advance. In Jesus’s Name, Amen, MentorsRiddle!
With love in Christ,
Eden
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lonlesol
Advanced Member
Member # 4511
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posted
quote:
If adultery were Biblical grounds for divorce, then consider what Jesus said in Matthew 5:27-28, "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." So according to Jesus, a man is already an adulterer if he lusts upon a woman. This gives every wife the Biblical right to divorce her husband on the grounds of adultery, if he ever admits to being lustful towards another woman. If adultery is Biblical grounds for divorce, and a man is already guilty of adultery if he lusts on another woman, then his wife should have a right to divorce him. To deny this is to say that adultery of the mind is not as bad as adultery of the flesh. Jesus clearly taught that they were both equally sinful. Obviously, Jesus was not giving a wife permission to divorce her husband if he commits fornication.
Please give a better explanation for this part...
It isn't quite clear to me... ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
Posts: 478 | From: Quebec | Registered: Mar 2005
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becauseHElives
Advanced Member
Member # 87
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posted
MentorsRiddle, You need to pray till Yahweh changes your wife or takes her in death.
Yeshua loved us before we were lovable.
Yeshua’s love never changes toward us because of our actions.
I lived with the two most incompatible people on the planet for 19 years; they are still married after 65 years, my mom and dad.
They believed what the scripture stated “let no man separate what Yahweh has joined together”.
Divorce is a heart issue….
Do you have a heart of flesh “born again” …
Eze 11:19
And I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit within you; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart of flesh:
Eze 36:26
A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.
or do you still have a heart of stone “unsaved”?
Mar 10:5
And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. (divorce)
Mar 16:14
Afterward he appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat, and upbraided them with their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they believed not them which had seen him after he was risen.
Rom 2:5
But after thy hardness and impenitent heart treasurest up unto thyself wrath against the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God;
Grounds For Divorce?
"And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." -Matthew 19:9
There are NO BIBLICAL GROUNDS for divorce! Jesus NEVER gave anyone the right t There are NO BIBLICAL GROUNDS for divorce! Jesus NEVER gave anyone the right to get a divorce! This is clear from Matthew 19:8, "He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so." Jesus condemned all divorce!
If you'll carefully read Matthew 19:9 above, Jesus isn't giving anyone permission to divorce. Jesus is simply saying that a man is not to put away his wife; but if she runs off with another man, then he is free to remarry, and she is the guilty party for causing adultery. This is clear from the Scriptures.
To understand this Scripture better, keep in mind that a divorce causes two sins. One sin is the divorce itself. It is a sin to file for a divorce! There are NO Biblical grounds for divorce, which I will prove to you in a moment. The other sin is that a divorce causes adultery in remarriage. So if you divorce your spouse, you will be guilty of breaking your marriage vows, and of causing adultery if either of you remarry. That's what Jesus meant. Divorce is a horrible sin.
Jesus clearly stated in Mark10:2-6,9, "And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female ... What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Jesus, in no uncertain terms, taught that marriage was forever ... "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." I could not in good conscience be a lawyer, or a judge, who makes a living divorcing people. God says in His Word, the Bible, that no one is to ever separate a husband and a wife. I am appalled at the number of so-called "Christians" and "churches" that meddle in people's marriages today, helping to break up the family by recommending divorce, helping the wife escape her husband, and taking sides. The Scriptural approach is to either mind our own business, or help the troubled couple as a COUPLE (because God sees them as ONE).
Oftentimes, in-laws will only side with their son or daughter, which is sinful. This has caused many divorces. The Scriptural approach is to help BOTH of them, for they are ONE in God's eyes. The same is true of ministries, who are much more inclined to help their own members, and forget about the husband (or vise versa). Before God ever created children, a family, a church, or a government--he instituted the marriage! No church should ever do anything to encourage, nurture, support, or cause a divorce. To do so is horrible sin!!!
If adultery were Biblical grounds for divorce, then consider what Jesus said in Matthew 5:27-28, "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." So according to Jesus, a man is already an adulterer if he lusts upon a woman. This gives every wife the Biblical right to divorce her husband on the grounds of adultery, if he ever admits to being lustful towards another woman. If adultery is Biblical grounds for divorce, and a man is already guilty of adultery if he lusts on another woman, then his wife should have a right to divorce him. To deny this is to say that adultery of the mind is not as bad as adultery of the flesh. Jesus clearly taught that they were both equally sinful. Obviously, Jesus was not giving a wife permission to divorce her husband if he commits fornication.
Here's another thought, and I want you to think about this. This is especially for those of you who believe that adultery is Biblical grounds for divorce. What about murder? If your wife kills 10 people, would that give you Biblical grounds to divorce her. You can't show me such grounds for divorce in the Word of God! God NEVER gives anyone permission to divorce their spouse if they commit murder (or many other horrible sins). It is ridiculous for anyone to claim the right to divorce on the grounds of "adultery," when that same spouse could commit murder and you'd still have to remain married to them. Jesus never gave anyone permission to divorce. Let us never encourage anyone to get a divorce, because all marriages are sealed in Heaven. Whether you were married in a church, at city hall, or on top of Mount Everest--your marriage vows (promises) were to your spouse, and to God ... "'Til death do us part."
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Strive to enter in at the strait gate:for many, I say unto you will seek to enter in, and shall not be able. ( Luke 13:24 )
Posts: 4578 | From: Southeast Texas | Registered: Jun 2002
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lonlesol
Advanced Member
Member # 4511
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posted
J4Jesus ... getting rid of the problem as you say, by divorcing, won't solve anything...both MentorsRiddle and his wife, I think, should consult a marital counselor before making any harsh decisions that they both may regret later...
Some questions need to be thought through first...
Does MentorsRiddle love his wife enough to want to make things work between the two of them?
Does MentorsRiddle's wife love her husband enough to want to make things work between the two of them?
Does MentorsRiddle love his wife's baby more than he does his wife?
Did MentorsRiddle marry his wife because he loved her or because he had pity for her?
Did MentorsRiddle's wife marry him just to have a father for her son?
What does marriage mean to MentorsRiddle and to his wife?....How serious are they both about it?
What are both their expectations of this marriage?
Other questions as well may be in need of answers before reaching a final decision...
Posts: 478 | From: Quebec | Registered: Mar 2005
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J4Jesus
unregistered
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posted
man you're not bound by anything.
divorce and go back to being independent and stress free.
be a man, get rid of the problem.
is she even born again?
whether she is or not, yea like the dude said you are unequally yoked.
so do what you have to do.
it will be the best for both of you.
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MentorsRiddle
Advanced Member
Member # 2108
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posted
I saw one of her text messages yesterday, and one of her friends is talking bad about me...
Now I am getting really upset here.
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With you I rise,
In you I sleep,
kneeling down I kiss your feet,
Grace abounds upon me now,
I once was lost
but now I'm found.
The gift of God dwells within,
To this love I now give in.
Posts: 1337 | From: Arkansas | Registered: Sep 2003
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MentorsRiddle
Advanced Member
Member # 2108
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posted
quote:
She needs to grow up and accept her responsibilities in the family of which she is now a part. If you divorce her, that probably isn't going to teach her much about her responsibilities, and it isn't going to solve your housekeeping problems, particularly if you retain custody of your child.
The house keeping problem will be resolved, because they are her messes. When I was a single I was very clean, and the child is my step child, and not mine.
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With you I rise,
In you I sleep,
kneeling down I kiss your feet,
Grace abounds upon me now,
I once was lost
but now I'm found.
The gift of God dwells within,
To this love I now give in.
Posts: 1337 | From: Arkansas | Registered: Sep 2003
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MentorsRiddle
Advanced Member
Member # 2108
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posted
thank you all for your reply's to my problem.<br>
It has truly been a great help, to know that there are others who can relate to my problem, and also give me some guidance during my confusion. <br>
<bold>So thanks to you all</bold>
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With you I rise,
In you I sleep,
kneeling down I kiss your feet,
Grace abounds upon me now,
I once was lost
but now I'm found.
The gift of God dwells within,
To this love I now give in.
Posts: 1337 | From: Arkansas | Registered: Sep 2003
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Good NewsforAll
Advanced Member
Member # 6156
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posted
I have the feeling that you are unequally yoked, with can be a disaster to begin with.
Unless you she being unfaithful to you, or super abusive, it looks like you are biblically bound to this marriage.
If she chooses to leave, then you can allow her to do so.
1 Cor. 7:15 (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) 16 Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?
17 Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches.
Matthew 5:32
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
I will lift your situation up in prayer MentorsRiddle, in order for you to receive wisdom as to what steps to take in this matter.
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The Pharisees tell us what not to do. Jesus tells us what to do.
Romans 10:15 As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"
Posts: 400 | Registered: Oct 2006
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TB125
Advanced Member
Member # 2450
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posted
It appears to me from your report of what has been going on between you and your "friend" (who is now your wife), that she hasn't quite grown up. She doesn't seem to be willing to accept the fact that she has a young child, a husband, and a home for which she has some personal responsibilities.
She is apparently willing to stay at home during the day while you are out working, but she apparently isn't interested in doing very much around your home to maintain it or to clean it up after each day's activities. She doesn't act like your "partner" in your family, but more like a boarder who wants to leave the house as often as possible to socialize with her friend.
She needs to grow up and accept her responsibilities in the family of which she is now a part. If you divorce her, that probably isn't going to teach her much about her responsibilities, and it isn't going to solve your housekeeping problems, particularly if you retain custody of your child.
I suggest that you both go to a good Christian counselor who can help your wife and you work out a more mature relationship in your family. It won't be easy, but it is possible. Divorce is not the solution to your problem. I know because I've been there and done that!
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Bob
Posts: 449 | From: Rockford Illinois | Registered: Nov 2003
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Dr. John
First Post
Member # 6686
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posted
No one can diagnose marital stresses without serious and sober reflection, complete with both sides of the story. Reading your post, I can imagine, from your side of the story, that your wife has a great deal of growing up to do before she can take her place, fully, as your spouse.
It remains to be seen if your behavior is facilitating her behavior, or if she simply missed so much of her teenage experiences because she became a mother at so young an age, that she is determined to have the rest of her childhood now.
The two of you MUST spend serious time talking this through, without anger, resentment, jealousy and ego interfering with communication and that is not easy. Without a true commitment to working through all areas of friction, a marriage often fails.
It is your responsibility, to each other, to work on your relationship, even as you work to support your family and you spouse works to care for and raise a child, while keeping a home at the same time.
None of these things exist in a vacuum and it is hard to be an "Old Married Couple," at 20 years of age but you have made this covenant and have a child who needs a mother and father, so you have very little in the way of another choice, that won't hurt the little one.
Make sure that you set aside time for just the two of you. Relationships can become stale without constant attention. Make sure you are giving to your wife the kindness and consideration that a woman needs. Compliment all that which gives you joy, where she is concerned. Those compliments include her dress, smile, attentions to your needs and be sure to notice those things that are important to her. You would be amazed at the little ways in which a husband can affirm a wife and give her joy. These are not things that would make much difference to a man but your wife has to know you notice and care about her hopes, wishes and dreams, as well as affirming your commitment to her hobbies and interests.
A marriage is a full time job and you both must come to work prepared to give it everything you have today.
Be strong and be of good cheer. God knows what is happening and He will continue to speak to your life in ways that affect your specific challenges.
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God Bless...
Godspeed...
and see you on the other side...
Posts: 1 | From: Florida | Registered: Aug 2007
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MentorsRiddle
Advanced Member
Member # 2108
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posted
Hello,
I normally don’t post things like this, but I am in need of help; specifically Christian help.<br>
My wife and I have been married for eight months, and I believe we are having difficulties.<br>
<h1>The Back Story</h1>
<br>
My wife when we meet was 16 years old. We were friends for a while, and talked often.<br>
She met someone, and got pregnant by him when she was 17. Well he decided he didn’t want to have anything to do with her or the child and left.<br>
Since we were friends, I spent a large majority of time with her, and we fell in love (while she was pregnant).<br>
She had the child at 18, and I have raised the child like my own since then. She is now 19 years old, and I am 24.<br>
I have provided her with a house, food, clothes, entertainment, etc. while she is a stay at home mom. <br>
<h1>The Present Time</h1>
<br>
My wife is now 19 years old, and we are married, and live together in a home that I recently purchased for her and our son (my step son).<br>
<bold>The Problems<bold><br>
When I get home from work, about 3 to 4 times a week she wants to go out over to a friends house.<br>
This normally wouldn’t bother me, except she sometimes stays out till 12:30 at night, and doesn’t answer her phone a lot.<br>
I have expressed my dislike of this behaviour, but I don’t want to tell her what to do. I am not going to say “no you can’t go” or anything like that; because I am not a controlling person.<br>
<bold>Before this next statement let me please say that I am not sexist at all.</bold><br>
She, as I stated earlier, is a stay at home mom. But she doesn’t really clean, except occasionally picking up one or two things, and that’s it.<br>
When I get home from work and the house is a mess, it drives me crazy. I feel if she is going to stay at home she should atleast help clean.<br>
But instead when I come home I have to start cleaning. AND I MEAN ALL OF IT. Clothes, dishes, living room, beds made, etc.<br>
Again I have expressed concern with this, but when ever I try to talk to her about it, she shuts me down, and won’t talk about it without getting mad.<br>
I hate the word divorce, and believe in making things work, but it seems like I am the only one giving, and trying. I just don’t know what to do.
<bold>Please Help Me with Advice</bold>
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With you I rise,
In you I sleep,
kneeling down I kiss your feet,
Grace abounds upon me now,
I once was lost
but now I'm found.
The gift of God dwells within,
To this love I now give in.
Posts: 1337 | From: Arkansas | Registered: Sep 2003
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