wahl72
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Here is my latest column
What Friends are For
My job has nothing to do with aviation but still my boss should really give me the title of Navigator. That’s basically what I do for a living.
Every morning I assign reporters to the stories that you’ll see on the news that night. By 10am a game plan is in place. It takes only about a half-an-hour, on most days, before the plan has been thrown out the window. We are constantly changing course in the hopes of avoiding the snags, roadblocks and potholes that get in the path of the typical news day.
The challenges can be frustrating, but since my career is now entering its fourteenth year, I’ve reached a point where experience helps. When a reporter calls to tell me that an element of their story has “fallen through” the answer to the dilemma almost always comes from the memory of a crisis that took place years ago. How the old problem was handled, for better or worse, provides me with insight on what to do now.
We all lean on experience in our personal life too. That way it’s so easy to give advice, sometimes unwanted advice, to a kid in high school struggling with their grades or maybe to someone who has just fallen in love for the first time. And then, inevitably, a good friend approaches with a problem that stumps you- leaves you caught like the proverbial deer in headlights.
My friend is a quiet and reserved man. Even though we’ve known each other for a while- I really don’t know him all that well. His past tends to stay in the past. He is not one to open up. In fact he believes that sharing problems is a sign of weakness.
That’s why I was so startled by a recent conversation. Without warning my friend started to unload on me. He is going through a tough time right now. He’s dealing with the type of stuff that would weigh on anyone. The details of his problems will not be mentioned here…that’s in part to protect his privacy, but mostly it’s because I don’t understand the details. You see, my friend has an issue, fortunately, that has never plagued my life.
Listening to his story it really felt like all the pressure was on. Was he opening up in the hopes that I would magically have all the answers? Was he expecting me to guide him the path to safe ground, to show him where to change course to avoid the pitfalls ahead? Or maybe he was just looking for words of wisdom from someone who’s been there before?
It was clear what needed to be done. The buck was not going to stop here; it had to be passed to someone else. My friend simply chose the wrong guy. Clearly there are people who are better qualified to help him.
As he continued with his story my mind was busy forming a list of names to pass along. There was Bob. There was Steve. There was Tom. No, my friend didn’t know any of these guys but I could make the introduction. At that moment I was willing to do anything to get out of this awkward moment.
And then it happened. My friend stopped talking. He yielded the floor to me. Silence filled the room. It seemed like a nice touch to pause before speaking. Maybe he would take my hesitation as a sign of just how much I cared.
As my eyes finally looked up from the floor and focused on him, I unexpectedly recognized the person starring back- it looked so much like me. Yes, my friend’s problem was foreign, but his face was so familiar. It featured the same hurt, the same hopelessness the same fear that on more than one occasion has struck me. The source may be different, and the timing may be off, but looking at my friend I understood that suffering is really universal. And, as the saying goes; "a pain that is shared is a pain that’s lessened."
The Apostle Peter understood this. In his writings, he commissioned elders to simply care for those they were entrusted over. To care for them! He didn’t expect them to wave a wand or possess all the answers that would suddenly make a calamity disappear. In short, he just wanted them to be there for each other. Which, now that I think about it, is probably the only expectation my friend had of me.
I still plan on giving him the names of others who could help. But even if he doesn’t want to reach out to them- he’ll still have me. He may have chosen the wrong guy, but he chose me just the same.
Some times we are put in a position where all our wisdom and experiences can help another individual navigate around the obstacles of life. Perhaps, though, the truest sign of friendship comes not when we help prevent someone from losing their balance, but when we agree to take the fall with them.
Posts: 3 | From: north carolina | Registered: Jul 2008
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