Christian Message Boards: Answered prayers re: a lost buddy? Or am I leaning to my own understanding?

This version of the message boards has closed.
Please click below to go to the new Christian BBS website.

New Message Boards - Click Here

You can still search for the old message here.

| | search | faq | forum home

»	Christian Message Boards » Bible Studies » Questions & Answers » Answered prayers re: a lost buddy? Or am I leaning to my own understanding?

Author

Topic: Answered prayers re: a lost buddy? Or am I leaning to my own understanding?

Eduardo Grequi
Advanced Member
Member # 3984

posted

When a relationship falls apart, it can be brutal. My Christian Sister, REmember to go into your closet and pray and fellowship with God. If a relationship is worth anything, then the relationship will be able to survive the storms of a weathered life. Take for all instance each relationship in the bible, when a person is not walking conjoinly with Jesus on His terms, their relationship will be defined by selfish motives. Even if you are born again. Most Christians have to deal with issues today on a more different terms then when I was growing up or EVEN WHEN my parentswere growing up. A lot of Christians I have met, have chucked the purity clause of the bible and believe in sex before marraige as long as it is monogamous, Read Hosea, it contains and demostrates a marraige under human condition. Some of the other issues are Men are definitely wired differently then women. Machoism is still very relevant today eventhough modernation has canned the ten commandments. We are judged by a Holy God and his standard is the Word of God.

You need to let this relationship Go to God, and let Him rebuild the situation. After all I take it you two are not married. Count it a blessing. I would rather have four good friends, then have one bad marraige.

PSALMS 118:17

Posts: 771 | From: Belvidere, IL | Registered: Oct 2004 | IP: Logged |

je_suis_aimee723
Community Member
Member # 5583

posted

I just read your second post. I am glad everything worked out for you! [Smile]

--------------------
"We are what we pretend to be so be careful what you pretend to be" -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 10 | From: Boulder, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2006 | IP: Logged |

je_suis_aimee723
Community Member
Member # 5583

posted

Hey SunGirl!

I am writing to you because I recently had a similar experience. I began to like this guy I have known for a while. We were close friends and he seemed like the ideal, everything I could want in a guy. I kept asking God for signs and to show me what to do. I became so focused on signs that I began analyzing everything that happend. I was nearly obsessing over it. It got to the point where I was thinking about this guy more than God. That's when I realized if it is meant to happen it will. Analyzing it is not going to help. If it is in God's will he will make it happen. You never know, every situation can go a different way. We don;t know God's plan so we just have to trust that he will do what is right for us. Being powerless is what faith is all about.
Hope that helps!

Aimee

--------------------
"We are what we pretend to be so be careful what you pretend to be" -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 10 | From: Boulder, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2006 | IP: Logged |

HisGrace
unregistered

posted

quote:
Originally posted by Sun Girl:
Once my night job finishes, we'll get together and hang out, although I hope that won't happen untill I lose at least SOME of the 12 pounds I gained since mid-January.

So, I guess it's safe to say that happy days are here again.

Thanks to all who responded.

Wishing you all the best Sun Girl! Praying that you leave every decision to God. [Smile]

IP: Logged |

Sun Girl
New Member
Member # 5479

posted

Well, it turns out that my suppositions were right, after all. Last Thursday I was sitting and working at my night job, minding my own business, and something was telling me to call him myself, rather than waiting for him to do so. Not telling so much as URGING; I couldn't get way from it, no matter how long I sat, typing away, thinking NO, I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT. I kept hearing CALL HIM. Finally I decided that I had nothing to lose at this point anyway, so why not take the plunge, my worldly mind was thinking it was a done deal, and it's not as if he had been a part of my life these last 2 months anyway. It took all the guts I had to dial that phone. I waited until 55 minutes into my lunch hour to call him. [Razz]

Now I wish I hadn't waited so long.

Still has that sense of humor: pretending not to know it was me, (Who's this? Karin? Karin who?)even with my name flashing up on his Caller-ID on his cell phone, and asking me if I got the present. (Was it a bottle? In a bag? A plastic bag? In your mailbox? What else was in the mailbox?) Turns out he's managing another apartment complex in the same chain as the one across the street from where I work. The shop guy he was talking to was applying for an apartment, and had to put down his employment info, which is how they got talking about who he worked with. We didn't have a lot of time to talk, obviously, but he called me the next day, and we got everything straightened out.

Once my night job finishes, we'll get together and hang out, although I hope that won't happen untill I lose at least SOME of the 12 pounds I gained since mid-January. [Razz]

So, I guess it's safe to say that happy days are here again.

Thanks to all who responded.

Posts: 3 | From: Troy, NY | Registered: Feb 2006 | IP: Logged |

BORN AGAIN
unregistered

posted

I think you are trying to read too much into this. Joe apparently thinks that you could use a little help losing weight.

While he may not be ready to get back into full contact with his fairly longterm buddy (you) after the argument, a male can separate these types of things very well and still blythely continue to want to encourage you with your weight, entirely separately of how you two are currently relating otherwise.

As for HisGrace's comment that believers should not date unbelievers, that is true if one becomes a Christian while not having a boyfriend or while not have a long history of 1960s-type of sexual behavior.

I still have some longterm non-Christian friends, and if I dump them all, I cannot be a witness to them for Christ by just being myself in Christ. I may be the only witness they will every talk to fairly regularly.

Anyway, Sun Girl, don't sweat the details for now as to what is or isn't answer to prayer. Be content that the God of Israel is working in your life, Who will cause all things to work for good what the Devil meant for bad.

God bless, [Cross]

BORN AGAIN

IP: Logged |

HisGrace
unregistered

posted

quote:
Originally posted by Sun Girl:
I have been praying over this relationship steadily since, probably, a week after it all came to a head and, now that I'm getting what looks like signs, I can't figure out if they are signs from God or just random happenings that I'm hoping points to a future, God-arranged meeting-of-the-buddies.

I guess what I'm looking for is some guidance from people who have experience in matters of knowing when your prayers are being answered vs. assuming that they are being answered (and thus not knowing what to do with what's being revealed to you.

Maybe you haven't figured out any signs, because perhaps God is telling you it is a done deal by prompting you to walk away.

You are saying that you are looking for guidance from those who have experience in discernment. When I look for answers, I don't get great bolts of lightening from the sky telling me what to do. Sometimes I just have to take one step at a time and wait for God's timing. He deals with our problems in his way. His ways aren't our ways.

He demands that we grow in patience and in faith, and wants us to wait on Him and daily yield and lean on His wisdom.

quote:
Actually, Joe was born and raised Catholic, and eventually converted to being Episcopalian. He joined the Air Force in 1959 and served in Japan and Vietnam, where he took up the study of Shotokan Karate, and with it the spiritual tenets of the martial arts, which appealed to him more than Christianity. One interesting thing about him is that he believes in Karma but not in reincarnation and, of course, the Bible says we only get one Earthly life. His take on Karma is more on the lines of God's "reap what you sow", that Karma acts on us in THIS life, not in subsequent ones, as says the traditional Karma definition. I also remember, during one of many many conversations, him asking me if I read the Bible, and saying "you really should, you know."

This Karma thing would really concern. Such a belief crowds out Jesus.

quote:
I always thought the unevenly yoked concept only applied when two people are looking to make a life together in marriage, and that it doesn't extend to relationships with looser ties, like friends or buddies. Plus, there is a considerable age difference between Joe and me, he's 65, I'm 31, and he's retired and has no intention of sitting in ye olde rocking chair the rest of his life. I think we are better off as just buddies.

In my opinion, a believer should never even date a non-believer, because you have no idea where it is going to lead. You don't play around with matters of the heart - once you fall deeply in love it is too late to turn back. Sounds like this man is more than a buddy to you.

IP: Logged |

Pleasemaranatha
Advanced Member
Member # 5150

posted

Dear Helpfohomeschoolers that was beautifully said. I can't add to what you posted. She has had wisdom from 3 Godly people now....I hope she puts it into action. [clap2]

--------------------
My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning. Psalms 130 verse 6

Joyce

Posts: 308 | From: Missouri | Registered: Oct 2005 | IP: Logged |

helpforhomeschoolers
Advanced Member
Member # 15

posted

You have really been given some Godly wisdom and advice from two people here. I would suggest you re-read these two posts.

I know we only have part of the picture, but with the part I have I dont see that God is "up to" anything here the way you want to see him being up to something. I see that you are obcessing about getting Joe back in your life and you are looking for signs and trying to call it God's work. Maybe Joe did put those diet pills in your box. If so,that is Joe's work... not God's work.

I dont care how much you pray about it; God does not move to do things that are contrary to HIS word and HIS will and if you are saved, then God is not moving to reconcile into an unevenly yoked relationship.

When God moves in our lives he does not do so in a way that we are left confused and wondering what he is up to; God wants to be glorified in the movements that he makes in our lives and thus he moves in ways that do glorify him. God is glorified as you change and become less and less concerned with the desires of your flesh and the things of this world and more and more like Christ.

If God is up to anything here it is probably in the area of having you see that your life is not right now full of peace and joy and that that PEACE and JOY will come only through a life that is totally surrendered to Christ. I suspect that he would be moving you to seek MORE of HIS face and less of JOE's and MORE of HIS words and mind and less of your own, more of HIS will for your life and less of your own, more of a desire for the things HE desires and less of the things that you desire.

Posts: 4684 | From: Southern Black Hills of South Dakota | Registered: Jun 2002 | IP: Logged |

Sun Girl
New Member
Member # 5479

posted

quote:
Originally posted by HisGrace:
You have become too obsessive and are driving yourself nuts, trying to figure out every little move and thought of Joe.

You are doing it all on your own. Just turn it over to God and tell Him that you are helpless and have no idea what direction you should take, and that you are yielding your burden completely to Him.

Spend more time in prayer and Bible reading. He often speaks to us through the Word in our desperation. Release Joe to God, and if he is meant to come back to you, God will let it happen in his own perfect timing.

Actually, what I'm obsessing over is not Joe's actions bc I don't know where he's been keeping himself, other than the fact that he's been in the area where I work recently. And the most recent thoughts I have documentation of are contained in a rather po'ed sounding voice mail from January 20, to which I replied that I was sorry things had to end this way.

What's been making me feel helpless is the fact that I can't discern why God was fixing for me to receive reports about Joe from coworkers (one of whom he talked to and, therefore, KNEW was a coworker of mine). Was God trying to work on both of us there? And don't forget the Zantrex-3 supplements in my mailbox last Friday. Why were they left for me, who left them and what was the purpose? I can't buy into the idea that they came from a perfect stranger, not in my neighborhood and not at that price. You don't see people on my street on a Friday night willing to part with $20-40 in diet supplements for a perfect stranger.

I have been praying over this relationship steadily since, probably, a week after it all came to a head and, now that I'm getting what looks like signs, I can't figure out if they are signs from God or just random happenings that I'm hoping points to a future, God-arranged meeting-of-the-buddies.

I guess what I'm looking for is some guidance from people who have experience in matters of knowing when your prayers are being answered vs. assuming that they are being answered (and thus not knowing what to do with what's being revealed to you).

quote:
You didn't say whether Joe is a believing born-again Christian. If he is not, it only means heartache for you. The Bible says not to be unequally yoked. I have seen many women who hope that they can change a man, but more often that not it doesn't work.

Actually, Joe was born and raised Catholic, and eventually converted to being Episcopalian. He joined the Air Force in 1959 and served in Japan and Vietnam, where he took up the study of Shotokan Karate, and with it the spiritual tenets of the martial arts, which appealed to him more than Christianity. One interesting thing about him is that he believes in Karma but not in reincarnation and, of course, the Bible says we only get one Earthly life. His take on Karma is more on the lines of God's "reap what you sow", that Karma acts on us in THIS life, not in subsequent ones, as says the traditional Karma definition. I also remember, during one of many many conversations, him asking me if I read the Bible, and saying "you really should, you know."

I always thought the unevenly yoked concept only applied when two people are looking to make a life together in marriage, and that it doesn't extend to relationships with looser ties, like friends or buddies. Plus, there is a considerable age difference between Joe and me, he's 65, I'm 31, and he's retired and has no intention of sitting in ye olde rocking chair the rest of his life. I think we are better off as just buddies.

At any rate, I never entered this relationship hoping to change him. I DO think that he needs to lose a bit of his prideful manner, brought on by the fact that there are a LOT of people in this area who know him, respect him and, I suspect, engage in a little worshipful **** -kissing. I kind of walked away from the relationship when I told him I was sorry it had to end the way it did, and I don't think he's used to people walking away from him like that, but I felt I had no choice, for he was so negative in what he said to me. At any rate, it is God's job to show him and to change him, not mine. If God will use what happened as the instrument is anyone's guess.

Posts: 3 | From: Troy, NY | Registered: Feb 2006 | IP: Logged |

HisGrace
unregistered

posted

Welcome Sun Girl. You have become too obsessive and are driving yourself nuts, trying to figure out every little move and thought of Joe.

You are doing it all on your own. Just turn it over to God and tell Him that you are helpless and have no idea what direction you should take, and that you are yielding your burden completely to Him.

Spend more time in prayer and Bible reading. He often speaks to us through the Word in our desperation. Try not dwell on your own desires, but focus on His will for your life. Release Joe to God, and if he is meant to come back to you, God will let it happen in his own perfect timing.

You didn't say whether Joe is a believing born-again Christian. If he is not, it only means heartache for you. The Bible says not to be unequally yoked. I have seen many women who hope that they can change a man, but more often that not it doesn't work.

Praying that you will receive insight and peace in this very troubling time SS.

[hug]

IP: Logged |

redkermit
Advanced Member
Member # 4059

posted

Hi Sun Girl, and welcome to the board. [wave3]

I tend to be a bit more skeptical, if that's the right word. I think we need to be careful that we don't convince ourselves that God is doing something that is trully what we want. What I mean is, we can look for things or "signs" that fit our situation because it's what we really want, and not necessarily what God is doing.

Let me share a short story about something that happened to me pretty recently. I go to a relatively large church, but amazingly there aren't really any single ladies there my age. There was one, though that I had my eye on, but it didn't seem like I ever had the opportunity to talk to her, as she seemed to slip out pretty quickly. So, I had been praying about it, and one Sunday afternoon I laid out a fleece for God and specifically prayed, Lord if there is anything to this situation, please open the door for me to speak to her tonight. After church that night everyone was getting up to leave, and the associate pastor came walking down the aisle and called out to this girl, and said hey, have you ever met Matt? So, she introduced us and we talked for a minute in the lobby, but this girl was obviously very uncomfortable and would barely give me one or two-word answers and then left. She stopped coming to our church shortly after this.

So, I'm not even sure of my point here, I guess just that things aren't always as they seem. And if it was of God, then I think we'd be sure about it. As they say, God is not the author of confusion...

--------------------
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. (Ps. 84:10b)

1 John 2:6
Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.

Listen Online:
www.wmuz.com
www.997flr.org

Posts: 604 | From: Michigan | Registered: Nov 2004 | IP: Logged |

Sun Girl
New Member
Member # 5479

posted

***LONG POST***
Consider yourselves warned. [Wink]

I don't know quite what to make of some developments in a situation I've been tangled up in for several months.

I had a falling out with my buddy Joe back in January, when he got angry at something I had said on voice mail, declared (pridefully, I think) on an answering voice mail that he wouldn't discuss the matter with me since he didn't "want to deal with your immaturity, insecurity and total lack of respect for me", that he "didn't take that from anyone" [BooHoo]

and made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with me. OTOH, one thing he had always made clear throughout our 2-year relationship was that we would always remain buddies, no matter what happened or who came into each of our lives, and he even said this on the voice mail, the only positive note on the whole thing.

We haven't spoken or seen each other since this all happened and, aside from seeing his name in the newspaper sports section on Monday for league bowling, I've no idea what he's been up to these days seeing as how he retired back in December (we met when he started delivering mail to my job in Feb. 2004 and he says he felt an instant connection with me from the moment he walked in the door, a connection that was soon built up through daily conversation and weekly visits at my house).

Well, I've been praying about this ever since the "incident" occurred. I pray for him almost every day, usually on my way to work, for God to bless him and help him to make the most of his day, for him and his family to be healthy. I used to pray for him to do bowl well on Saturdays, but I notice he seems to get better scores when I DON'T pray for that. In the beginning, I was praying for reconciliation specifically, for Joe to be shown the light concerning his attitude about me, for his heart to be softened towards me (and mine towards him, as I carried a lot of hostility about what happened, so it's probably a good thing we haven't encountered each other since January - WWIII!!). Well, it seems that my prayers *may* finally be answered, in the form of three incidents; the first one was obviously an answer to prayer, but the second and third ones have me really confused, and I don't know what to make of them, or why God allowed them to happen, and for what purpose, or even if it was God's work at all, if you get my meaning.

The first incident actually happened a month ago. I remember driving home from work and praying, a bit bitterly, for God to show me what good was this relationship, anyway, show me what positives it had brought into my life. The day afterward, Valentine's Day, I got home to find an envelope from the US Postal Service containing an orientation call-in notice for the Albany PO for a carrier position. I NEVER would have tried for that job had I not met him, and listened to him go on about how much OT-pay he was getting. Unfortunately, my driving record did me in, so I was disqualified from consideration. But, I have to say, that was the first time God specifically answered a prayer concerning Joe and me, and the answer was clear to me.

Now, here's where things get a bit weird, although I want to be able to look at it as how Joyce Meyer says: God was acting... SUDDENLY! A bit of grapevine fruit about Joe, plus a rather strange incident that happened last Friday, and I don't know what to make of it, or how God will use this in my life.

I work in a retail steel shop and, last Wednesday Rick, one of the shop foremen, comes in and asks me did Joe get a job. I said I don't know, why? Rick tells me one of the shop guys comes up to him and says he met someone who knew Rick. It was my buddy Joe, who knows Rick through bowling. Turns out he met Joe at the apartment complex where he (the shop guy) lives, right across the street from the steel place, and Joe gave him his business card. (I *casually* asked our new mail carrier if he had heard from Joe, and found out that Joe had been doing some work on the complex's computer system, one of a number of "side jobs" he wanted focus on after he retired, including photography, videography and DJing.) I mentioned this to our Comptroller when she asked me if I had heard anything from "the mailman" (our buddy-ship was fodder for a bit of office gossip) and she told me that someone, and she couldn't remember who, had been coming back from lunch a few weeks before, and had see Joe driving down the street in a Cadillac (which proves she wasn't psyching me out, since he drives a black 1991 Brougham). After this, when I was out taking my walk on my lunch hour, I ran into our mail man who told me about Joe and the computers over at the apartment complex.

Now comes the REALLY weird incident, the one that has me anxious to find out what God is up to. I work a seasonal second job that keeps me out until 11:00 PM. Last Friday, I arrived home, and was walking across the street to my building and saw what looked like a plastic bag sticking out of the open top of my mailbox, one of four that is attached to the front of the building, accessible to anyone walking down the street. It WAS a plastic bag, from CVS (a drug store), and inside it was a brand-new bottle of Zantrex-3, a dietary supplement. The plastic was still around the cap, and there was a bar-code sticker attached to the side. There was no receipt.

I really think that Joe is the one who put that bottle in my mailbox. Yes, he of all people knows it's illegal, but it would hardly be the first time he's flouted PO rules; he let me walk one of his park-and-loops with him the last time I saw him as a carrier, and I don't think he was supposed to do that, either. First of all, he was very aware of my campaign to get in shape, and he encouraged it whole-heartedly, even writing out a routine of exercises to do at home to augment my walking on my lunch hours and roller skating 2-3 times a week, and he was considering becoming my personal trainer. He had even offered to pay half my membership costs to LA Weight Loss, but I turned him down as I had read some not-so-positive online reviews about it. Back in October he had talked about researching a supplement for me to take as well, but he only mentioned it once, and I figured he had forgotten all about it. Now here this supplement shows up in my mailbox, of ALL the mailboxes on the building and on the street, one that stretches most of the length of the city...heck, consider how many mailboxes are available in the city itself! I can't believe that is coincidental. Plus, I researched pricing of Zantrex-3 online, and an 84-capsule bottle like mine costs a minimum $19.00. CVS's website was asking $39.99, and I bet that's how much it costs in the store itself. WHY, why would someone shell out $20-40 for a dietary supplement, only to throw the unopened bottle into a stranger's mailbox?

I'm a new Christian (well, as of 2001, actually, but I back-slid after receiving what I prayed for then, for my relationship with my then-boyfriend to be restored, which it was and lasted for another 3 years), so my powers of discernment are far from developed. I'm struggling to understand why, after my prayers seeming to fall on deaf ears, God is revealing to me that Joe has been in the vicinity of my place of employment, that he has been seen by and been conversed with by co-workers of mine. Why did I have to know this, why is it so important that I have this knowledge? What is God's reasoning for it? Or is God maybe working on Joe by bringing him close to my job, and putting him in his car on the street at the time when I would normally be walking down it (I gave up walking for 2 months, so he wouldn't have seen me), an this is His way of letting me know about that? And what about the Zantrex bottle? Am I leaning unto my own understanding by feeling so sure about where it came from even as I still pray that God will reveal the answer to me, and what it means? Was it Joe trying to make contact in the style of someone unsure of how his overtures would be received, or just a random thing?

It's frustrating because I was getting all these signs last week, but I'm feeling powerless to discern what they all mean. I feel that I'm just guessing and grabbing at straws. I am praying for the wisdom from God to finally figure out what picture will these pieces of a puzzle make when fitted together. I guess I'm writing this to see what other people think, and how best to approach the situation, prayer-wise, and otherwise. [Confused]

Posts: 3 | From: Troy, NY | Registered: Feb 2006 | IP: Logged |

Printer-friendly view of this topic

New Message Boards - Click Here