|
Author
|
Topic: when someone claims to be a christian,but there's no evidence.
|
helpforhomeschoolers
Advanced Member
Member # 15
|
posted
Ha ha ha, well don't tell him I mispelled his name! I really need to work on my very neglected site. He is a great speaker and though some in the world of creation science poo poo upon him, I think he is gifted for reaching the children. He has been here to the black hills and has been a great help in teaching and providing free resources and helping us to get a creation science association going; we are working on a museum. I have a friend who has a children's ministry and he has given much time to mentoring, phone conversations and and providing free resources to him.
I am not currently homeschooling. Desi went back to public school for high school. She was the only one of three that I did homeschool. We homeschooled through middle school and I am glad we did. Sometimes we both miss it, but she is very active in music and drama at school and we could not provide this experieince in homeschool. I wish very much that I had always homeschooled; If I had done this I would have homeschooled through High School. I believe that it is the best thing a parent can do for their child if the Lord God provides the way. For some, sadly it is an impossibility (as in single parent homes) and for others like me, it is very difficult when you do not start from the beginning.
Posts: 4684 | From: Southern Black Hills of South Dakota | Registered: Jun 2002
| IP: Logged | 
|
|
LaurieFL
Advanced Member
Member # 3794
|
posted
If your mother-in-law is being abusive to your kids and you and your husband with her mouth, and continues to do so after being rebuked privately about it, then I see no wrong in avoiding contact with her. It might be just what it takes for her to realize the extent of how her behavior harms others. If it came down to that though, I would make it clear to her (actually, let your husband do it) that it pains you all and that you love her dearly and want the family to be together and that you will be praying that you all can be reconciled.
Posts: 700 | Registered: Aug 2004
| IP: Logged |
|
|
bygrace
unregistered
|
posted
Helpforhomeschoolers,
Hi I like your website! I am homeschooling (this being the second year) and always looking for new things. I wanted to mention also, that your creation articles are great, Dr.Hovind is a member of my church, and teaches a creation vs evolution class there on wednesday nights that my husband and I attend. He's a good Christian doing God's work. just thought I would mention that- and I may need some homeschool input from you in the future:).Thanks,bygrace
IP: Logged |
|
|
kuukuu
Community Member
Member # 4406
|
posted
She sounds like a person in great pain and so very frustrated. Bitterness, despair and acting out, it breaks my heart. I'll pray for her healing--and your family's. Kuukuu
Posts: 16 | From: Indianapolis, IN | Registered: Feb 2005
| IP: Logged |
|
|
helpforhomeschoolers
Advanced Member
Member # 15
|
posted
I do not think that you should permit her to call your children "stupid" or brat. I think that is abusive. I would discuss that with her in private and I would tell her that it is not acceptable to call your child this. I would do it politely and matter of factly and I would not let it become an argument or scene, but I would make myself clear that this is not acceptable.
Posts: 4684 | From: Southern Black Hills of South Dakota | Registered: Jun 2002
| IP: Logged |
|
|
bygrace
unregistered
|
posted
Thanks to everyone for the welcome, and the helpful advice! I know that we are to love everyone regardless, and this has been a struggle for me at times. I think that it is true that I should not say anything, and I don't normally.I actually became more defensive I think because she attacks the children(her grandchildren as well.) Calling my daughter ,stupid, brat, etc...that is hard to take after years, regardless of the kind of Christian you are or aspire to be.I am learning, though and as you said..praying more about it now than I did in the past. bygrace
IP: Logged |
|
|
HisGrace
unregistered
|
posted
Welcome,bygrace. HisGrace - bygrace, that should make for a good team. ![[thumbsup2]](graemlins/thumbsup2.gif)
I'll let the experts help you with this one. Praying that God will give you wisdom in this matter. ![[Prayer]](graemlins/prayer.gif)
IP: Logged |
|
|
Starlight
Community Member
Member # 4474
|
posted
Hi ByGrace,
People have the tendency to viciously protect their religious beliefs in the face of questioning, in part because those beliefs have brought them a great deal of comfort.
So my suggestions are to 1. avoid any direct questioning of your inlaws' religious beliefs when you're around them, and 2. show them (but don't tell them) how comfortable you are with your beliefs and your spiritual life.
--------------------
"but test everything; hold fast to what is good;" - 1 Thessalonians 5:21
Posts: 11 | From: KS | Registered: Mar 2005
| IP: Logged |
|
|
helpforhomeschoolers
Advanced Member
Member # 15
|
posted
Hi Bygrace: Welcome to the board. I hesitated to answer your post because it is your first one, and I am going to be a little hard on you. But I have prayed that you will know that it is with love that I am hard on you and I hope that you will stick around long enough to learn that about me. I also hope that you will stay with me to the end of the post, even if it is not what you might have wanted to hear.
In this life, I have learned that when ever I find myself sounding like you sound in this post that God is using someone else to worksomething out in me, and while I am looking at that person the way you are looking at your mother in law, God is saying look at you, Linda.
First let me talk about this question:
quote:
But doesn't the Bible state...by their fruits you will know them?
Yes, it does say this. Matthew 7:16 & 20; it refers to knowing false prophets.
Are we to have fruit? Yes, of course. The fruit of the spirit are:
Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. {affections: or, passions}
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
These are the fruit of the Holy Spirit working in us. We are to examine ourselves for these fruit.
Now, I am going to ask you to examine your fruit in this post:
Of your husband's mother you say:
- She claims christianity but I do not see it.
- Never a positive word to be spoken...
- she is quite hateful, bitter and generally unhappy.
- The granfather was a pastor years ago, but no longer and I think she may be the reason.
- I feel like this woman needs to be saved
Of her church and the one you grew up in you say:
- a small super conservative church that hasn't seen growth in 25 years or more.
- I actually grew up in that church...never fed spiritualy for the entire time
Do you hear the fruit of HIS spirit in you when you examine your thoughts and feelings regarding your mother in law?
So what now? These things you see may be true, but what would God want you to see in them? What is in seeing them for you?
1. Is your husband's mother bitter, unhappy and hateful? What does God want for her? Peace Joy love,? What do you do as someone in her life to show her these things? Ask God to help you see her as he sees her. Ask God to help you pray for her as HE would have you pray for her. You attribute these things to her lack of salvation, but the truth is God does not give to us to know who is saved and who is not. It is very possible that she is saved, but is in some kind of unforgiveness over something painful in her life. As someone who has been very judgemental in my life, I can tell you that we usually judge others to keep from facing the ugliness in ourselves that is too painful to see. How can you embrace your mother in law? How can you forget about what you feel and look at how God feels about her. How can you love her more. It is love that will overcome her bitterness, and not the judgement that you yourself hold in your heart right now. Ask God to help you pray for her as HE would have you pray for her...not as you have determined to know her problem and her need...for salvation... that she might already have. Many people have slavation in the next life and never know the freedom and joy and peace and wholeness that is salvation in this life. Eternity begins here, maybe your mother in law needs to see that in you and from you in this life.
Don't expect others to get in the fray and denfend you and attack her. This would not be right for them to do and it is not right for you to want. You because you are a child of the living God who is himself love and loved your mother in law enough to doe on the cross for her sins should want these other people to love her, with a Godly love in spite of herself. Is that not what God does for us? Does he not love us in Spite of our ugliness?
You do not need your relatives to justify you. Let God justify you. Let God show that your musical worship of is a blessing and not evil, by being the full of your own fruit daughter of God that he wants you to be. You already know that she is wrong about the music; if God wants her to know that she is wrong he will show her and he will show her the fruit of his spirit in you.
The scripture tells us that we are to honor our parents; it does not say that we are to honor our good parents our kind sweet gentle loving parents; it simply says honor your parents; most people think this means obey, but it does not mean obey, it means live your lives in a way that gives them honor. Avoiding family events does not bring honor to them; it brings dishonor and it teaches your children to dishonor them as well. She may attack without you bringing up church. Let her attack. She is responsible to God for her idle words, but you are responsible to God for yours and your attitude; she cannot fight if you do not fight back; you choose to be ofended. You could just as easily choose not to be offended. When you want to be offended instead say to yourself, Father forgive her, father bless her, father help me to love her, and then get up and get her a cup of tea and smile when you give it to her and pour it with love in your heart.
When she sits in your church and comments negatively, just come back with a positive. Oh those drums are of the devil; well at least they keep the kids in church and not the streets... have you met kevin that plays them? He is such a loving godly young man,let me introduce you.
Bygrace: I have learned that when we find ourselves wanting to change someone else, that is usually the time when God wants to change something in us. Ask God what he wants to change in you. Christ loved the unlovable so much that he died for us. If we are to be more like Christ, then we must learn to love the unlovable. The most amazing thing about this is that this is how Jesus makes the unloveable loving and lovable.
Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Luke 6:28 Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.
I will be praying for you sister. May you walk in HIS perfect will.
Love In Christ,
Linda
Posts: 4684 | From: Southern Black Hills of South Dakota | Registered: Jun 2002
| IP: Logged |
|
|
bygrace
unregistered
|
posted
Hi all,
I am new here, I just find that the forum is very helpful...I have been having such a hard time dealing with in-laws..etc - I have been married for 16 years and we have three great children.We are attending a great church that has helped all of us in our Christian growth. The problem is...my -in-laws do not approve, they are Baptist, as we are. However they are in a small super conservative church that hasn't seen growth in 25 years or more. They do not approve of the fact that our church uses drums, etc. It causes such friction when the kids have a church musical performance. WE invite them, because the kids want the grandparents there, but the grandmother, without fail has many negative comments throughout. This is something that that whole family "puts on ignore". She claims christianity but I do not see it. Never a positive word to be spoken...she is quite hateful, bitter and generally unhappy. The granfather was a pastor years ago, but no longer and I think she may be the reason. I feel like this woman needs to be saved but the whole family (not including my husband) would think me, well,crazy because of it. But doesn't the Bible state...by their fruits you will know them? I actually grew up in that church...never fed spiritualy for the entire time. My deseased parents went there but were good christian people that had many signs of Christianity.My husband nor I want to attend family gatherings anylonger because there is always a conflict...we don't have to bring anything up about church, but the mother will attack. I cannot take much more of it. We are not wanting to attend anything she may be at now. The other family members, don't agree with her, yet they say nothing in anyone else's defenses when she rages. To me, sometimes silence = ageement. They say, it doesn't do any good to say a word. The father says nothing...she runs him like a dictator. I am seriously praying for her salvation, as odd as that would sound to their family. bygrace
IP: Logged |
|
|
|
Printer-friendly view of this topic
