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Author Topic: Jan's Last Days
Eduardo Grequi
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Member # 3984

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I am so sorry of your loss! I know ultimately God calls us home when he is ready too! May the Lord comfort you and your children during these dangerous times! For me it has been four years on the 1st Nov since my father past, but in hind sight I did not knew how much a glue he was for the family and my mother. Today my siblings seem to think my mother is better off dead than taking care of her, but thankful my older sister and I protect our stroke laden mother from any family abuse. You see my mother had a stroke in 1976 on mother's day that paralyzed her right side, today she requires more care than she did even two months ago! One morning she was talking to Jesus and my dad in old dialect of Hebrew. One morning I found her unresponsive heart rate barely 20 and oxygen number at 50%. My mother decided to undergo a pacemaker. Since the pacemaker she has been surviving but not quite the same! Often she tells me she sees her husband, and Jesus! I asked what they say- They told me to come home, but I am scared she declares. 1976 was a year of death and many losses. My mom lost a son, a brother n law, two grandchildren, her sister, her father and then she had her stroke!

In her old Sefaradic Ladino way she would quote Romans 8:28 and asks, what should I do son; I replied look up and east to Jerusalem and rest in the shadow of His might and on the under the wings of the Almighty God, for the Spirit will call you, than obey the Spirit Elohim himself, but test the spirit and asked "what is the only name under heaven whereby you are saved?" She would respond "Yeshua HaMashiach"

Posts: 771 | From: Belvidere, IL | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 11034

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Dear Caretaker, Your loss is Our Fathers gain. I can appreciate Jans last days, for the times are many now that I am in that very place myself. The Love you have for Jan is Godly, and am all to familiar with death myself. But as Jan, many is the times I look forward to a new spiritual body. My entire life was hard physical labor. Mainly because it kept me from thinking of all I'd been through prior in this lifetime. The love you shared with Jan, is as the deepest depth Love can hold for one another. I feel that love with every pet I've had since 1969, and lost from age or sickness. Every time I had to say goodbye to a beloved pet, I swear I could feel another part of my heart die. I'm lucky to still have my Mickey, even though this past year Sept 9, we've lived in seperate homes. She's in the one for sale, and I'm in the new/used one we bought. In the boonies it's not good to leave a home abandoned, because of field mice, to racoons that will make their own home from one that sits empty for a bit over a year now. You surly wear God's Armor Caretaker, and as quickly as the sands of time fall through an Hourglass, you and Jan will be reunited in the Shekinah Glory of God's warmth and presense.
Psalm 73:25
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
N'Christ Jesus Amen Pastor Marc

Posts: 8 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Nov 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Drew, my dear brother...hard to believe its been a year already.

I know it has been a hard one for you. Half of you is missing....

its been 13 years since my dear Creeper went home to Jesus, I still miss him, but the pain is better, or maybe just not as often as it was at first.

I do keep you and your children in my prayers. I know how hard it is for all of you.

So comforting to know you will be together again.
Jesus our blessed hope.
Love you dear Drew!

God bless,

Inside the will of God there is no failure. Outside the will of God there is no success.

Posts: 4320 | From: Sunny Florida | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Carol Swenson
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Posts: 6772 | From: Colorado | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Carol Swenson
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That is so beautiful Caretaker. So very beautiful. I didn't have the privilege of knowing Jan, but she sounds like an extraordinarily beautiful, strong, and wonderful person. And if anyone deserved to share life with someone like her, it's you. Dear friend and brother, it's you.
Posts: 6772 | From: Colorado | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Bless your heart Carol and thank you.

I wrote this along with an early picture of Jan and I on her facebook page this morning:

For Jan:

From the very beginning your heart was a shinning jewel which shone so brightly and touched all of those around you. Forty three years ago I gave you my class ring and you gave me your heart of gold. For forty-two years our hearts were united, and I sure had the better half of the covenant of love which we shared.

A year ago we shared our last day together, and if I had known how it would end I would have spent the night with you cradled in my arms. But hindsight is sure 20 x 20, and we cannot see the future and I sure never figured to walk on alone so very soon.

I so regret not doing for you as you deserved, and not protecting and taking care of you so much better. You deserved so much, you gave so much and loved so deeply, and my heart and life was forever enriched beyond measure in your heart and love.

You were so very shy and it took a long time to get you out on the dance floor, and your desire was to dance with the grandbabies to "Wipe-out", to boogie on our 50th. It was not to be for you had given all you had a year ago tonight, and the babies danced the balloons through the trees to "Wipe Out", in your memory.

I am remembering a couple of songs. The Dance by Garth Brooks, and I am sure thankful for the dance of our hearts, and how I am sure glad that I turned around in Senior English and that beautiful little girl behind me accepted a dance from the big ugly feller blocking her view.

Love is eternal and though I dance onward alone, our hearts will forever dance onward to a melody all our own, and the second song by Leonard Cohen, "Dance Me To The End of Love", shore causes me to realize that our hearts dance onward and we can share the light of our love's dance with those around.

I am forever blessed beyond all measure in our dance, Mommy. and though I have to take a few more turns alone around that old dance floor, our hearts are dancing onward, and the music is eternal.

If I ain't told you lately I surely do, and with the overwhelming joy of anticipation I so look forward to telling my Sister in Christ Jan how much you ware cherished when I finally get to sit down at the Master's Banquet Table, and share a feast in Glory with you and all of our Dear Ones who have gone on before, whose faith like yours was in Christ Jesus our Lord.


A Servant of Christ,

1 Tim. 3:
16: And without controversy great is the mystery of godliness: God was manifest in the flesh..

Posts: 3978 | From: Council Grove, KS USA | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Carol Swenson
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Caretaker, I'm so sorry for your loss. But I'm also glad that Jan is home and happy, and she'll be there for you.

How blessed we are that our great God and Savior has given us Heaven to share with Him.

Posts: 6772 | From: Colorado | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Wow! God bless you.

We never know how good we have it until someone shares what did happen.

I need to count my blessings often.

It is good to know those that know Jesus will always get to say "Hello Again"



Posts: 3276 | From: Charlestown, IN | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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One year ago tonight my wife Jan died of lung cancer, November 17, 2012.

The next day I wrote a journal for my children. One might keep all of Jan's dear-ones in heart and prayer as it was so very rough for them as I ripped their hearts apart in having to tell them the morning that their Dear-One had gone Home.

Jan's Last Days

Jan became sick last September as an ear-ache which turned into pneumonia. She fought it and was on antibiotics. She courageously continued to keep going despite the chest congestion and pain when she would cough.

November 1st, we learned that she has a mass enveloping the left airway of her lung. We met with the lung doctor, Dr. Short from Manhatten, who showed us the cat-scan x-rays, which showed the mass. On the 8th, Melissa and Drew took us to the Manhatten Medical Center, and Jan endured the scope/biopsy, a pulmonary breath test, and an MRI, with such courage and it was rough on the kids to see Mom sick, and struggling with choking and nausea.

The following Tuesday the 13th of November Jan and I drove to Manhatten to meet with Dr. Bell the Oncologist, Cancer Doctor, to discuss scheduling and treatment. We had such a feeling of isolation and being without support as we journeyed north of Council Grove. We were faced with 8 weeks of radiation and chemo and driving the 120 mile round trip in the dead of winter, over high hilly roads.

We confirmed potential treatment in Emporia, with Dr. Bell, and his staff began the arrangements to transfer to Dr. Wong in Emporia. The hearts and love of our family and friends in Emporia had a half-a –dozen homes opened to Jan if needed during treatment, and the love and care of so many precious hearts to help if needed, at a moment’s notice.

On the way back Jan and I discussed what lay ahead. The prognosis was that without treatment there was no next year for Jan, and only a 10% chance of having 3-5 years with the most aggressive treatment. Jan’s deepest concern with her possible death was for myself and the children, the pain and loss we would experience.

Arriving home from Manhatten, we had about an hour before we attended the fire fighter’s dinner in the gym at Dunlap. Rather than resting on the couch Jan pushed herself to go as she knew that I would stay home with her if she did not go. It was a great blessing to her to fellowship with the other wives, joining her own heart with the heroic hearts gathered. She ate well and enjoyed the event.

Wednesday the 14th, Jan slept in and the doctors had scheduled Jan for Emporia Oncology and had ordered her a prescription from Walmart. Our niece Misty was hosting a “Meet and Greet” at Kentucky Fried Chicken, Wednesday night, and I was thrilled that Jan desired to attend. I fixed her a plate of the Chicken House leftovers which Rich and Karen Allen had packed for us, for Jan’s lunch. She directed my sorting of the clothes and towels for laundry.

We left early and drove into the KFC and met our daughter Melissa, granddaughter Bethany, and son Drew. Our other daughter Allyson, son-in-law David and grandbabies Lexi and Joshua would arrive later as would our other precious family and friends. It was a very special time of caring and sharing, and such a blessing when Teresa would arrive and the three sisters, Jan, Deb, and Teresa were able to have their picture taken.
On Thursday the 15th, Jan advised me how to separate the towels from the clothes, and wash them separately. I heated leftovers for lunch and she ate well. She had started her antibiotic and was having no side effects. She slept fairly comfortable after resting most of the day.

On Friday the 16th, Jan slept in on the couch where she had slept for the last couple of months, as so often she would sleep upright as the congestion would clog her lungs. It was a relief that lately she had been sleeping fairly comfortable and for several hours at a time without coughing. She ate lightly a bowl of cold cereal. I went and cut wood from the west end of the lake. After cutting I hauled in and unloaded, checked on Jan, and told her I was ready to call for a driver volunteer. Jan volunteered to drive me to the west end to pick up the tractor. This is the first time Jan had driven her little red blazer in about a month. I patted her right arm from time to time as we drove, and then we shared the sight of the huge eagle’s nest up in the tree.

I fixed Jan and my supper, some pot pies, as she lay sleeping on the couch, Thursday night, but she did not feel like eating. Before I went to bed I gave her a hug, and noticed she felt warm. We took her temperature, and it was 100 degrees, and I got her a cold wash rag, and she took some Tylenol. I went to sleep about 9:15 PM.

Saturday morning I awoke about 1:00AM and went to the bathroom and noticed the couch was empty, and the front door open. Jan often awoke during the night and would go out onto the screened-in porch and have a cigarette, and a cold drink and play with the kitty. At 3:45 AM I awoke and went in to start the coffee and my day. I noticed the front door was open and Angel our dog was sleeping on the couch. I stepped out on the porch and opened the screen door onto the screened-in porch, and saw Jan slumped over in the metal chair. My heart sank as I raised her upright, found her so cold, and unresponsive. My heart was so heavy as I realized that our Father had taken her home, a fresh lit cigarette and her glass of tea fallen to the floor. I picked her up and cradled her in my arms for the last time, as I carried her into the house and laid her on the couch. I smoothed her hair and closed her eyes, and kissed her forehead.

I am so very thankful for our Heavenly Father's love, which fills our heart, envelopes us from the top of our head to the tips of our toes, and leads us gently forward through the Valley of the Shadow. He gently took my Precious One Home, to save her the pain and anguish of cancer treatment, which would have only slowed and prolonged the suffering. His love allowed
us to face the curtain of death head-on without fear, and my Beloved's courageous loving heart was only concerned with myself and her babies. As my heart sank, as I picked-up my Beloved from the chair on the porch, as I cradled her in my arms and carried her in and laid her on the couch, the weight was so light, but the burden so very heavy. It was our Father's love, His truly Amazing Grace which sustains us in the darkest hour of separation. The tears flow, the big ugly nose runs almost uncontrollably, but the heart is sustained supernaturally by our Father's love and comfort. Beyond a shadow of a doubt as I placed my Beloved on the couch to await the arrival of the caring deputies and the rescue EMTs, beyond a shadow of a doubt I knew that my Dear-One was safe in my Father's Hand, and had been healed of the cancer which had so decimated.

As we go into the celebration of Thanksgiving, I am so deeply thankful for the life and heart of my Beloved, and the eternal love of our Heavenly Father for His precious children.

A Servant of Christ,

1 Tim. 3:
16: And without controversy great is the mystery of godliness: God was manifest in the flesh..

Posts: 3978 | From: Council Grove, KS USA | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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