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Originally posted by KnowHim:
Seems alot of you are very quick to judge and give advice when you don't even know what is going on.

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More than Conquerors
By John Woodward
May 29, 2008
Big Brown is a colt that has won five races by a combined 39 lengths. Jockey Kent Desormeaux rode him to impressive win at the Kentucky Derby and didn't even need to use his whip! If Big Brown wins at the Belmont Stakes on June 7, '08, he will become the first horse to win the Triple Crown in 30 years.

What could be greater than achieving a victory? than being a winner? than being a conqueror? God's amazing grace answers this question. Through radical Christ-centered living we can testify that "we are more than conquerors"! See how Scripture declares this astounding promise: "Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us" (Rom. 8:37). Notice that the context here is severe persecution. "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: 'For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter'" (Rom. 8:35,36; Psalm 44:22).

Although victory is provided by God for His children, how many of us are living up to this potential? You may be thinking, "It's a major accomplishment just to endure this situation." And hopefully, "By God's grace I can overcome this trial." Well and good, but this falls short of being more than a conqueror. How does God intend for us wave this banner?

As I've pondered this, a working definition has come: "You are more than a conqueror as you endure, overcome, and are prepared to help others with the overflow of your victory. Wow. Let's consider what this looks in the following scenarios.

Case 1: From thief to giver

Ephesians 4:28 exhorts, "Let him who stole steal no longer..." This is level one--conquering the sin of stealing. The text goes on to describe the "more" aspect: "... but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need." Notice the progression: not stealing, working productively, then sharing with the needy. This is the "more than a conqueror" life!

Case 2 : From persecutor to church planter

Paul's conversion and deployment in apostolic ministry is a famous example of this abundant victory. Galatians 1:13-23 gives a glimpse of his testimony: "For you have heard of my former conduct in Judaism, how I persecuted the church of God beyond measure and tried to destroy it. And I advanced in Judaism beyond many of my contemporaries in my own nation, being more exceedingly zealous for the traditions of my fathers. But when it pleased God, who separated me from my mother's womb and called me through His grace, to reveal His Son in me, that I might preach Him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately confer with flesh and blood ... And I was unknown by face to the churches of Judea which were in Christ. But they were hearing only, 'He who formerly persecuted us now preaches the faith which he once tried to destroy.'"

Through his new birth Paul ceased persecuting God's church. As he was filled with the Holy Spirit, the apostle began to courageously preach the gospel. Even as he became the target of relentless persecution, Paul was used of God to plant churches, write New Testament epistles, and pray intensely for unbelieving Jews (See Acts 7:58; 9:4; 1 Tim. 1:12-16; Rom. 9:1-5).

By God's miraculous grace, Paul was more than a conqueror. "Yes, but that was Paul!" you say. Yet he would be the first to remind us that, in Christ, we have the same resources!

Case 3: From tax collector to missionary

When Christ called Matthew to be one of the twelve disciples, Matthew was enjoying a high paying (yet controversial) job. He was a tax collector for Israel's oppressive overlords--the Romans. He responded to Christ's call and invested the following years as an apostle of the King of kings. After Christ's resurrection and ascension, Matthew went all the was to south India to reach this region with the gospel. He didn't just cease taxing his own people excessively while helping the Roman government; Matthew fully identified with the Messiah and laid down his life for God's kingdom. More than a conqueror!

Other examples

The Corinthian church was blessed that "the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort" was their source of consolation in hard times. However, this victory was to progress to triumphant faith and victorious ministry: "[God] comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ" (2 Cor. 1:3b-5).

As we sensitize ourselves to this level of victory, we start to recognize it in the Body of Christ today. When I was in Nashville, Tennessee at a Christian counseling conference, I spoke with two brothers in the faith at the ministry display hall. They represented a ministry for those dealing with chronic problems of sexual brokenness. As we discussed their ministry resources, they shared how God had delivered them individually from strongholds of sexual sin. Yet they didn't just privately benefit from Christ's liberating truth; they committed themselves to help others with similar struggles. More than conquerors.[1]

I sometimes listen to a popular radio program about money management. The talk show host suffered financial ruin years ago. Yet, he turned to the Lord, applied biblical principles and values, and regained financial freedom. Now he offers the radio program and publications to help others get out of debt and become strategic stewards of God's resources.

When we look around us and over our shoulder to the past, being more than a conqueror sounds very idealistic--maybe a dream, but not a vision. Yet this potential becomes an assured opportunity as we look unto our infinite source of victory--"Christ in you, the hope of glory" (Col 1:27b). So, fellow believer, tap into the energizing grace of God that equips you to endure, to overcome, and to be ready to help others. Your future reward will be more valuable than a Triple Crown. You're "more than a conqueror" through the One Who loves you!

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Posts: 749 | From: Toronto, Canada-EH! | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | 

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Originally posted by ANM:
Wife is too mean, very critical, I can't deal with it anymore, Ive had it, Im done.

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Posts: 5 | From: australia | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | 

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Originally posted by ANM:
Wife is too mean, very critical, I can't deal with it anymore, Ive had it, Im done.

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Posts: 3276 | From: Charlestown, IN | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | 

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Originally posted by ANM:
I figure God must be using me to humble my wife.

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He's using your wife [and MY husband-lol] to break us of our flesh bro!

It's a difficult time but we have a great cloud of witness's!

And I would exhort you precious Saint that you are not one to leave, for Jesus is your Life!

Hebrews 13:5
Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

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Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?

But I trust that ye shall know that we are not reprobates.

Posts: 749 | From: Toronto, Canada-EH! | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | 

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Originally posted by ANM:
Been there , done than, read the book, saw the movie, went to the seminar, tried and tried and tried, been patient, waited on the lord, the conflict is starting to hurt the children, I think its time to go for their sakes.

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Posts: 749 | From: Toronto, Canada-EH! | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | 

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Originally posted by ANM:
Wife is too mean, very critical, I can't deal with it anymore, Ive had it, Im done.

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Funny, while walkin after my flesh earlier tonight I "SAID" the same thing!

It's our CROSS, and we must bear it!

Marriage is an institution designed by our Father to rip off BIG hunks of flesh in one go!

James 5:11
Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord—that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful.

Father, this is your way of dealing with me personally Lord, through the marriage you have instituted. I humbly submit once again to your design to conform me to the image of your precious Son!

In Jesus Name, amen and amen.

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Resolving Interpersonal Conflicts, Part 1
By John Woodward
July 2, 2001
Our family recently visited Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. This town marks the location of a devastating battle in the American Civil War. During July 1-3 1863, the Confederate armies fought the Union armies resulting in at least 5,787 dead, 27,334 injured, and 10,612 missing or captured. [1] The various monuments to the military regiments involved in the battle give testimony of the tragic consequences of war. One display told of two brothers who were separated in life; one jointed the northern army, one joined the southern army. They both fought in the Battle of Gettysburg.

As I have counsel believers suffering from personal conflicts in the areas of marriage, family, church, and mission administration, it makes me wonder: how must it grieve the Holy Spirit of God when His people engage in "civil war"--brother against brother, sister against sister. How can we avoid this problem? Peace is greatly needed; God's perspective and resources can provide it. Although not exhaustive, the following five factors may alert us to some causes of conflicts.

Reasons for Personal Conflicts

1. Pride

Proverbs declares, "Only by pride comes contention: but with the well advised is wisdom"(13:10). This shouldn't surprise us. If humility opens our hearts to the grace necessary for peaceful living, then pride chokes this grace (Cf. James 4:6).

Notice the attitude that triggered a conflict among Christ's disciples: "Then He came to Capernaum. And when He was in the house He asked them, 'What was it you disputed among yourselves on the road?' But they kept silent, for on the road they had disputed among themselves who would be the greatest. And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, 'If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all'" (Mark 9:33-35). We shouldn't be surprised to discover that subtle or overt pride is the basic cause of conflicts.

2. Selfishness

James rebuked those in the early church who were self-centered: "Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war... You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures" (James 4:1-3). When Isaiah summarized the sinful man's basic tendency, he testified, "All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way..." (Isaiah 53:6). To the extent we go our OWN way, conflict will surely follow.

3. Ineffective communication

Ephesians 4:29 counsels us, "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers" (Eph 4:29). The Psalmist gave us a good example when he prayed, "Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips" (Psalm 141:3).

One of the battles that Canadians glory in is their victory over American forces during the War of 1812. Although the conflict was between England and the U.S., the Americans engaged the Canadian Army in battle--in what is now southern Ontario--because of Canada's status as a member of the British Commonwealth. Ironically, this war could have been prevented if there had been better communication. On June 18, 1812, the U.S. President James Madison signed the declaration of war. Unknown to Americans, Britain had finally, two days earlier, announced that it would revoke its orders that had restricted American naval trade. If Madison had known this, he would not have declared war. [2] Similarly, much conflict could be avoided or reduces if we were, "swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (James 1:19).

Conflicts could be minimized if we followed some communication guidelines:

a) Try to limit WRITTEN communication to neutral and positive content. It is best to speak on the phone or face to face when working through points of criticism and disagreement;

b) When you have constructive criticism, use first person pronouns ("I", "me"), instead of the second person ("you"). The sound of "you..." in acritical tone usually prompts a defensive posture in the other person;

c) Start by describing how you perceive the situation (the facts) and invite the other person to confirm, clarify, or correct these according to their viewpoint. This may avoid the need to resolve differences which are based on inaccurate facts; d) Then proceed to give your concerns with meekness, inviting the other person to dialog in order to offer an apology, agree to compromise, or suggest a solution.

4. Judgmentalism

Our Lord addresses this tendency with the familiar warning: "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matt 7:1-5). If we know this so well, why do we limit it relevance to the OTHER people?

Paul likewise admonished, "Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother's way" (Rom 14:13).

In his book, Love Covers, Paul Billheimer appeals to the church to protect her unity through agape (unconditional) love. He defines judgmentalism as "unfavorable judgment, criticism, or condemnation of others because of their conduct or supposedly erroneous beliefs, wrong motives, or character. It is an arbitrary evaluation of another person's worth...It is the most frequent cause of division and fragmentation of the Body of Christ." [3] How easy it is to be lenient with our own shortcomings, but critical of others! Rather, we are to judge ourselves (1 Cor 11:31) and be lenient with others (Col 3:13).

5. Narrow mindedness

Sometimes we latch on to one aspect of a problem and overlook other aspects. This seems to have been the case with the unusual argument between Paul and Barnabas: "Then after some days Paul said to Barnabas, 'Let us now go back and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they are doing.' Now Barnabas was determined to take with them John called Mark. But Paul insisted that they should not take with them the one who had departed from them in Pamphylia, and had not gone with them to the work. Then the contention became so sharp that they parted from one another. And so Barnabas took Mark and sailed to Cyprus; but Paul chose Silas and departed, being commended by the brethren to the grace of God" (Acts 15:36-40). We can understand the concerns of both of these leaders: Barnabas focused on Mark's potential and the opportunity for him to grow; Paul focused on Mark's accountability for turning back during the previous missionary journey, and the need for trustworthiness. Thankfully, God overruled this conflict and the gospel continued to spread. If narrow mindedness can trigger a dispute with mature believers like these, how diligent we should be to seek God's perspective and understand all sides of a problem.

Paul exhorted two prominent women in Philippi, "I implore Euodia and I implore Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord" (Phil 4:2). This admonition implies that believers can CHOOSE to cooperate even when they have differing opinions. The cause of God's Kingdom should dwarf petty differences, right?

The National Geographic included a photo of the fossil remains of two saber-toothed cats that had been locked in combat. The article explained, "One had bitten deep into the leg bone of the other, a thrust that trapped both in a common fate. The cause of death of the two cats is as clear as the causes of extinction of their species is obvious." [4] This reminds of the scriptural warning, "But if freedom means merely that you are free to attack and tear each other to pieces, be careful that it doesn't mean that between you you destroy your fellowship altogether!" (Gal 5:15, Phillips).

If the Lord convicts you regarding these "reasons for personal conflicts," recognize them as symptoms of the "self-life." If Christ -- the Prince of Peace -- dwells in your heart, surrender and trust in His life. He will equip you to be more of a peacemaker, This is a worthy goal: "Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God" (Matt 5:9). Next week we plan to continue with scriptural remedies for personal conflicts.

J.B.W.

July 2, 2001 Vol.4, #26

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Resolving Interpersonal Conflicts, Part 2
By John Woodward
July 16, 2001
The Hatfield-McCoy Feud is a part of American folklore that has come to symbolize a long-standing cycle of conflict. This feud was a decades-long, violent conflict between two extended Appalachian families in the late 19th century. An episode of this sad story from 1882 involved Johnse Hatfield and Rosanna McCoy attempting to elope. Ellison Hatfield was shot in Kentucky, and officials arrested three McCoy brothers. Then, as they were en route to the local jail, armed members of the Hatfield clan ambushed them. Hatfield patriarch, Anse, took the suspects back to West Virginia. When Ellison Hatfield died of his gunshot wounds, the three McCoy brothers were killed. It took another decade for the law to prevent the cycle of violence from continuing.[1]

Conflicts in marriage, family, and church spring from the same seeds of selfishness that grew to infamous proportions in the Hatfield-McCoy Feud. In the previous article we looked at how pride, selfishness, ineffective communication, judgmentalism, and narrow mindedness cause conflicts.

But how can we resolve conflicts once they have festered? What is our responsibility in such cases? How can we be part of the solution instead of part of the problem?

As we look at ways we can deal biblically with conflict, note that the key issue is HOW WE RESPOND. It's so easy to just REACT, instead of responding with Christ's wisdom and love! And right responses flow from having God's perspective. Martin DeHaan notes, "We repeat cycles of conflict when we assume that what we want is always what we need, or when we are more concerned about the people who are against us than the God who is for us. Misbeliefs are the fuel of ongoing cycles of conflict.[2]

Remedies for personal conflicts

1. Recognize the unity of the Holy Spirit.

True Christians are indwelt by the Holy Spirit who organically unites them into the international Body of Christ. This truth is included in Paul's list of unity factors in Ephesians 4:2-6: "... endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all." Therefore, believers do not manufacture unity; they are to recognize it and protect it. This will powerfully impact a watching world. As Christ prayed, "I do not pray for these [disciples] alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me" (John 17:20,21).

2. Demonstrate agape love.

1 Corinthians 13 gives the classic definition of love: "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails" (vv. 4-7). And the apostle Peter described the importance of this quality in resolving interpersonal conflicts: "And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8).

Paul Billheimer pleaded, "The only power that will bring unity in the Body of Christ is the power of agape love. Adequate love for Jesus enables one to accept and love those whom HE accepts and loves, regardless of their opinions in non-essentials. WE SHALL NEVER BE UNITED BY CONCEPTUAL TRUTH, CHURCH POLITY, LITURGY, OR ANY CANON OR CONFESSION OF FAITH -- ONLY BY AGAPE [UNCONDITIONAL] LOVE. With a sufficient flow of love in the Body, all divisive factors will shrink and diminish in significance. Increasing love will cover all differences concerning non-essentials to salvation and bring the oneness for which Christ prayed." [3] And from where do we get increased love? "The fruit of the Spirit is love..." (Gal 5:22). "We love Him because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). As we really believe and accept the infinite love of God for us, we will increasingly reflect it to those around us (Cf. Matt 22:39).

3.Communicate, clarify, and negotiate mutual expectations.

Most often we ASSUME that others know and accept our expectations in a relationship. In a seminar on this topic 95% confessed to missing this vital point! As these are understood, proceed to clarify roles and responsibilities.

Imagine a football team running onto the field before deciding who would be quarterback, who would be center, etc. Or a baseball team assuming they know who would be pitcher and who would be catcher. It's no less important for families, ministries, churches, and businesses to follow through on these areas of communication and planning.

For example, marital roles under the lordship of Christ serve to facilitate harmony and teamwork in the home (Eph 5:21-3). Christian couples need to honestly study and adjust to these radical responsibilities. However, some may hesitate, assuming that any kind of disagreement is a sign of marital failure. Cary Lanz dispels this myth in his book, Shifting Sands and Foundation Stones: "...marriage will include hurts; that is a given. How we play the hand we're dealt is the critical question. Certainly repeated or intense UNRESOLVED battles take their toll on the marriage relationship. And, while inability or unwillingness to resolve differences effectively may, indeed, contribute to the demise of a marriage, learning to respond constructively can actually strengthen the relationship. The only difference is in the response; conflict, itself, is not the culprit."[4]

4. Accept diversity.

Scripture passages that emphasize the UNITY of members of Christ's Body also testify of our DIVERSITY (1 Cor 12). We differ in gender, age, nationality, personality, spiritual gifts, talents, education, socioeconomic rank, denominational affiliation, and the list goes on! To maintain unity requires constant CONSIDERATION of these differences. For example, Peter advised, "you husbands should try to understand the wives you live with, honouring them as physically weaker yet equally heirs with you of the grace of life. If you don't do this, you will find it impossible to pray together properly" (1 Peter 3:7, Phillips). This leads us to the final point...

5. Pray for one another.

How should we respond to mistreatment? The Lord Jesus teaches us, "Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you" (Matt 5:44). Paul Billheimer again commented, "One cannot pray for others while he is judging and condemning them. Lovelessness slays the spirit of prayer because prayer for others is inspired only by a loving concern." When we intercede for the one who we are at odds with, it will help US as much as it helps THEM."[5]

James 3:14-18 shows the need for wisdom in resolving interpersonal conflicts: "But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."[6]

Fellow believer, are you willing to take responsibility for your response to conflict? Whether you have offended someone (Matt 5:23-24), or someone has offended you (Matt 18:15-17), promote reconciliation (Cf. Rom 12:17-21). Admit any personal wrongdoing (or neglect of kindness) and ask for forgiveness.[7] Surely an unbelieving society looks for such examples of peacemakers. May we say "amen" this prayer of Philipps Brooks: "Let me not loose faith in my fellow men. Keep me sweet and sound of heart, in spite of ingratitude, treachery, or meanness. Preserve me from minding little stings or giving them." Christ -- the Prince of Peace -- longs to express His supernatural patience, forgiveness, and love through you!

J.B.W.

July 16, 2001 Vol.4, #28

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Posts: 749 | From: Toronto, Canada-EH! | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged |