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Topic: Abused in church...Still searching?
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epouraniois
unregistered
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posted
this might answer a couple of questions, even if they are not yet asked:
http://w3t.org/u/mdj
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BORN AGAIN
unregistered
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posted
hi Dave23, you write: quote:
Hello everyone. I am not sure this is the right place to post this or if there is even a correct place. I posted this on another message board as well. I just hope to get some guidance.
My name is Dave and I am relatively new to the message board thing. I am 35 years old, married, with 2 wonderful sons.
I was raised in a very small UCC church that I still attend. Please foregive me if I tend to ramble...I suppose I am just getting some thoughts out here and asking for guidance and prayer.
when you write again, if you will divide your Topic into paragraphs as I have done above, it helps the reader. thanks. quote:
As a kid my parents took us to church every Sunday. I don't recall ever liking church as a kid.
I was raised in Catholic church and as kids we never really wanted to go to church either; it was usually a time when my father and mother argued, too. But in the RCC church pew, we were naughty and broke wind on purpose when we were kids. quote:
Sunday school was good at times as my mom and Grandma taught.
Cathecism and altar boy was also kinda fun, as long as one wasn't molested. (this is not a reflection on Sunday school}. quote:
Starting at about age 7 or 8 and older boy abused me every sunday after church. This went on until I got my driver's license and quit attending regularly.[quote]when I was a teenager, I was almost abused by an older teenage with thick glasses who was not that handsome and probably had some issues with the way he looked...but, no excuse; but I did not recognize it as abuse until I became an adult.[quote] No one ever knew and if they did they did nothing. I was too afraid to tell anyone at the time. I have since been through therapy but the effects of the type of abuse I endured are long lasting.
The LORD God of Israel can heal anything.
Job 29:16
I was a father to the poor: and the cause which I knew not I searched out.
Psalm 27:10
When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up.
Psalm 107:20
He sent His word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. quote:
Anyway... sometimes I feel weird going to that church and sometimes I don't have any problem attending there. I don't feel like it's a spirit filled church but the teaching at times is great. The fellowship with people there is also very nice.
then it is probably spirit-filled, brother Dave23; but perhaps the boy who molested you wasn't spirit-filled, and certainly not spirit-LED in those times. quote:
The abuser hardly ever comes there.
that is good; do you ever entertain thoughts of wanting to turn him in or are you going to let it go as foolishness of youth on the boy's part? Do you know how or what this former boy is doing now? quote:
I was actually on the church board this past year but I didn't dedicate enough time to it and was asked to resign. That was pretty embarrasing but it has made me take a closer look at what I need in a church.
interesting. quote:
{snip} I want to be strong in my faith and I want my family to be strong and grow in their faith as well. Something is holding me back. I am terrified about losing my salvation and going to hell.
as long as you actively believe that Jesus died on your behalf on the cross, and if you died while actively believe that, then God has to honor His Word that you will receive eternal life as a free gift; else there would have been no point in Jesus dying and suffering like that on the cross. So believe and you shall be saved.
Got sins? We all do have sins in many forms, some pretty on the outside, some not so pretty on the inside. Let s/he who is without sin cast the first stone.
But, as long as we actively believe in Jesus we not only have to read the Word to be washed by the Word, but of course now we are allowed to have the Holy Spirit come alongside to help us. So we can trust that the Holy Spirit will teach us how to be nicer and the Word does that too. Have faith in God. quote:
I wish I had a better understanding of what it means to REPENT and how to ensure I am actually repenting. WOW...I am realy rambling on now...Any input and prayer would be appreciated...Thanks...Dave.
Results 1-2 of 2
Acts 16:31
And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you shall be saved, and your house{hold}.
If you actively believe that Jesus was the Son of God and that Jesus rose again from the dead on the third day and that Jesus died for our sins, then we must believe that. We must have faith in what God says He will do.
Perhaps it would help you to read a small paperback book by a Chinese Christian Watchman Nee, called The Normal Christian Life. It saved my life. A brother sent it to me; it helped me tremendously; it's only $2 used on the Internet, plus $3 shipping.
Go to a browser and key in the name of the book above, and it will take you, among others, to Amazon.com books where you can buy it used.
God bless, BORN AGAIN in the USA by the ![[Cross]](graemlins/cross.gif) of the Lord God Jeshua-Jesus.
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Carmela
Advanced Member
Member # 4817
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posted
Great post yahsway.
Bat Elohim you bring up a good point. I didn't speak up when I was abused either and now I wish I could do it all over again because I realized how wrong I was and it did seem to cause me to be more vulnerable to others. Now, I'm very cautious with my daughter because even though I taught her to speak up, I can't guarantee she will. Plus, it's my job to protect her.
Dave it is true that this person is mostly likely abusing others as well since it isn't usually an isolated case when they abuse people. I use to think that I could protect my sister by saying nothing but I found out later,when I was older, that she too was abused.
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www.pinecrest.org
Posts: 646 | From: Central New York | Registered: Jun 2005
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Bat Elohim
Advanced Member
Member # 3739
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posted
Dave,
Maybe I'm being too negative, but I must say something.
If you go to the same church now that you went to as a child, and the abuser is still going there as well, don't you think that your children may also be in danger of abuse?
He/she may believe that you were an easy target, since you never told, and therefore go after your children.
Also, have you ever faced your abuser? This is a major step to being able to forgive an move on. This might also expose that person so that others he/she abused will step up, and may also save other children from being abused.
I, too, was abused as a child. Because I didn't speak up, the brother of the abuser started abusing me too.
Blessings to you, Dave
Shalom,
Joanna.
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Numbers 6:24 May ADONAI bless you and keep you. 25 May ADONAI make his face shine on you and show you his favor. 26 May ADONAI lift up his face toward you and give you peace.
Posts: 704 | From: Louisiana | Registered: Aug 2004
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yahsway
Advanced Member
Member # 3738
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posted
greetings to ya brother dave23,
I appreciated your post so much. Remeber the answers do not lie in any particular assembly/denomination but in Christ alone.
Its really not about "going" to church but about "being" the church if you get my drift!
It is good to assemble with our brothers and sisters, and listening to sermons is fine to, BUT, You are responsible for you my friend, you know the scripture "Work out Your OWN salvation with fear and trembling".
Each one of us are commanded to search out the scriptures and to study for "ourselves". Just because you may be contemplating searching out other assemblies/churches to go to does not have anything to do with losing your salvation.
If you are burdened by some unconfessed sin, then by all means take it to Jesus, thats what he died for, to save us from our sins and to be our only mediator between us and God the Father.
I commend you and your wife for taking those precious kids to church, but did you know that YOU are the Priest of your Household and the real responsibility is yours to "bring up your children in the admonition of the Lord'?
I will be praying for you as I can discerne that you are truly seeking Him or you would not be here and I believe there is a purpose for all things. Start out dave by just Praising Him. Praise Him, Praise Him, Praise Him!!
He is able to finish the good work He has started in you, for He is the author and finisher of our Faith. I leave you with this
Psalm 111
I will Praise the Lord with my whole heart, In the assembly of the upright and in the congregation
The works of the Lord are great, Studied by all who have pleasure in them.
His work is honorable and glorious, And His righteous endures forever.
He has made His wonderful works to be remembered;
The Lord is gracious and FULL of Compassion.
He has given food to those who fear Him; He will ever be mindful of His covenant.He has declared to His people the power of His works, In giving them the heritage of the Nations.
The works of His hands are verity and justice; All His precepts are sure.
They stand fast forever and ever, And are done in truth and uprightness.
He Has sent redemption to His people!He has commanded His covenant forever.
Holy and Awesome is His Name!
Father, in the name of Your Redemption, Jesus, I pray for Your love, Your courage, and Your favor to be upon dave23 as He is coming Back to You. May your blessings be upon his wife and children, and I pray that you will give him Your peace Father to let go of all things that are now behind him and set his feet towards all those things that are set before him and guide him as only You can. Amen
Posts: 1238 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Aug 2004
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Carmela
Advanced Member
Member # 4817
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posted
Hello Dave, it's nice to meet you.
I went through a similar dilemma a while back. In fact sometimes I still go through it. I was abused by my family and as a child God called me and started talking to me. (I know some don't believe in this) However, I wanted to go to church but I didn't feel comfortable going alone, I was married by this time but my husband had no desire to go. I had even heard of a good church and I still didn't step out of my comfort zone and go for quite a while. When I finally did, I was very grateful that I did finally go.
I think that sometimes people who have been abused tend to build a wall around themselves and isolate themselves in some ways at least so actually stepping out and trying something new is a little difficult since it does involve getting out of our comfort zone. Only you will know if this applies to you.
God called me to move from Northern Vermont to Central New York to go to bible school almost 3 years ago and I didn't even want to do that. It took me a year before I finally went and I am very glad I did. I'm about to graduate from my third year which is hard since I am in school full time and I have a family. It took commitment. That is what I suggest to you. Commit yourself to doing something and JUST DO IT. Don't allow yourself to slack. I go to church every morning before school, it's a part of the program, and so I tend to slack now when it comes to church also even though I attend a great church.
One thing you could do is call around to some churches and ask questions, or have your wife do it. Some even online sites you can look at. I like non-denominational churches because they are spirit filled and because I don't believe in religious labeling of denominations. Look up some phone numbers and then call. Some will call you back if no one is there but it's important that you pick a church that you are happy in.
Maybe God wants you to move on, I don't know. However, it does require commitment.
I hope this helps.
Love,
Carmy
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www.pinecrest.org
Posts: 646 | From: Central New York | Registered: Jun 2005
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dave23
Community Member
Member # 5558
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posted
Hello everyone. I am not sure this is the right place to post this or if there is even a correct place. I posted this on another message board as well. I just hope to get some guidance. My name is Dave and I am relatively new to the message board thing. I am 35 years old, married, with 2 wonderful sons. I was raised in a very small UCC church that I still attend. Please foregive me if I tend to ramble...I suppose I am just getting some thoughts out here and asking for guidance and prayer. As a kid my parents took us to church every Sunday. I don't recall ever liking church as a kid. Sunday school was good at times as my mom and Grandma taught. Starting at about age 7 or 8 and older boy abused me every sunday after church. This went on until I got my drivers licence and quit attending regurally. No one ever knew and if they did they did nothing. I was too afraid to tell anyone at the time. I have since been through therapy but the effects of the type of abuse I endured are long lasting. Anyway...Sometimes I feel weird going to that church and sometimes I don't have any problem attending there. I don't feel like it's a spirit filled church but the teaching at times is great. The fellowship with people there is also very nice. The abuser hardly ever comes there. I was actually on the church board this past year but I didn't dedicate enough time to it and was asked to resign. That was pretty embarrasing but it has made me take a closer look at what I need in a church. Sometimes I think I am just making up excuses to not go to church because I am lazy. I am also kind of scared to look for a different church. I want to be strong in my faith and I want my family to be strong and grow in their faith as well. Something is holding me back. I am terrified about loosing my salvation and going to hell. I wish I had a better understanding of what it means to REPENT and how to ensure I am actually repenting. WOW...I am realy rambling on now...Any input and prayer would be appreciated...Thanks...Dave.
Posts: 11 | From: Illinois | Registered: Mar 2006
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