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Author
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Topic: Victory over porn
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CindyAnn
Community Member
Member # 3516
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posted
Here is a transcript of a radio show she was being interviewed on. This is just a small portion
Richard Land: Laurie, from your own personal observation of your husband and your counsel with scores of other women who have seen the ravages of pornography on their husbands and on their relationships, describe what happens to a man who gets sucked in to this vortex of pornography.
Laurie Hall: Pornography has a profound effect on the body. For example, there is a neurological impact on the brain. When you fantasize, you create neural pathways. The more you think about a thought, the more you reinforce that neural pathway!
So there is actually a physiological, neurological effect in the brain in the thoughts associated with pornography. Also, pornography causes you to release endorphins, so what you're really doing is you're becoming a drug addict. [color=red]You're self-medicating. And that's why it's so difficult to break this addiction. [/color]
In addition, pornography has a profound effect on the central nervous system, particularly as it relates to your sexuality. In a healthy sexual relationship, the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system work together. The sympathetic nervous system turns us on while the parasympathetic nervous system calms us down. The parasympathetic nervous system is the one that has to be in control in order for us to achieve full sexual release. For instance, the urethra, the ****** , and the anus - all of those are controlled by the parasympathetic nervous system.
But it only gains control when we feel trusting. [color=red]If you give sex a guilty meaning, an anxious meaning, an embarrassed meaning, or a stressful meaning - and guys who are looking at pornography are putting all of those meanings into the sexual experience - all of those things are going to block the parasympathetic nervous system. What is going to happen then is, according to the way their nervous system is becoming configured; they will begin to link sex with stress, sex with fear, and sex with anxiety[/color].
[color=red]A man involved with pornography is going to bring that into his marriage bed because he's conditioned his body to that kind of sexual response. He might not even be aware of it, but his spouse will pick up on it[/color]. She's going to sense that there's something unsettling or disquieting. She may blame herself, but it's not coming from her. It's stuff that her husband's own central nervous system is sending out.
[color=red]The other thing that happens in our soul when we're exposed to pornography is that our belief system begins to change. It takes as little as 6 one-hour exposures to soft-core pornography to change your belief systems. Men begin to view faithfulness as a less important quality in their own lives. They come to have great dissatisfaction with their sexual partner. They come to trivialize the crime of rape. They also begin to believe that women deserve to be disrespected[/color]. States that have the highest readership of porn have the highest rates of domestic violence and rape. All of that is what happens in the mind when you begin to believe the lies that are attached to pornography.
Richard Land: So the idea that pornography is a victimless crime is a cruel, cruel joke?
Laurie Hall: It is a very cruel joke. The biggest thing that they're not telling you is the economic impact of this addiction. [color=red]Forty percent of professional men who are involved with pornography are going to lose their jobs due to their involvement with pornography. Some of that is because of the effect it has on their mind; they lose their ability to reason[/color].
When you're engaged in fantasy, you lose your ability to connect between action and reaction. You no longer follow cause and effect. When you're involved in fantasy, you create your own effects. You make the effect be whatever you want it to be. But in real life, there's a natural law in operation. When I do A, then B is going to happen. The more you fantasize, the more you become disconnected from what I call common sense. It effects your business judgment; it effects your ability to interact properly with other employees.
In order to be intimate you have to live in truth. Intimacy is about allowing somebody to see all the way inside of you. If you're hiding something from yourself or from them, then you're not going to allow yourself to open up and allow somebody to come in and see you. People don't realize that pornography completely robs them of the ability to enter into lasting and satisfying relationships.
http://www.pastors.com/article.asp?ArtID=2973
Here is a review of the book.
http://www.springsofwater.com/wilderness/artview.phtml?id=44
[quote]"An Affair of the Mind" is a first hand true story account of one woman's experience through the hellish nightmare of her husband's pornography addiction. She becomes the voice of all spouse of sex addicts as she describes the devastating effects that pornography has on the lives and souls of all those that it touches.
One of the main premises of this book is that pornography is not a victimless crime. Hall relates.."I saw my husband lose his soul to pornography. I have held other women and listened to them weep as they told me how their husbands also lost their souls to pornography. Pornography kills the soul, steals, the heart, and destroys the mind. Pornography is not a victimless crime."
Laurie Hall describes the very real life of living with a sex addict, one that lives in a very false world of pornography. She describes the gradual descent of her husband into his addiction when she states. "Jack's deterioration was gradual. The light in his eyes did not go out all at once, and his laughter didn't turn to sulleness overnight. The guy with the easy, open ways didn't evaporate into a pathological liar in the blink of an eye. If the changes had been sudden, they would have screamed, pay attention! Something is very wrong here! I mourned the changes, but I wasn't suspicious. Suspicion is such an ugly thing. It's so opposite of what love is all about, which is believing the best in each other, going the extra mile, giving the benefit of the doubt. I wasn't really aware of the danger until it reached a boiling point."
Hall describes the greatest anomaly for the people to overcome in gaining insight about this addiction, when she explains ... "because Jack was so clever with his lying, and because he was so skillful with his 'nice guy' public persona, I couldn't get anyone else to agree that something was terribly wrong. I was all alone in my conviction that things weren't as they appeared, and it almost drove me insane. In fact, I'm not sure that I didn't."
This book is incredibly validating in this regard because finally we, the voice of the wives of the sex addict is being heard. Hall states, "To those looking on, the marriage seemed strong, but in the hidden places there was rot. The wives could feel this decay with their spirits but kept telling their spirits to be quiet because everything they could see with their eyes and hear with their hears said things were fine."
The wives of sex addicts live in a hell that few people can believe or understand. "The enemy was unseen, but her presence permeated every aspect of our lives." There is no drunken stupor or needle marks as evidence. Only an imagination that shoots up with the vilest forms of erotic visualizations.
Hall devotes quite a bit of her authoring to address the issues of lying and deceit that accompany this duality in the life of the addict. Because lying is a form of insanity, it denies reality and attempts to force others to deny the reality of a situation by manipulating their understanding of the truth.
"[color=red]Sex addicts are pathological liars. They lie bout everything, not just their sexual behavior, and they do so with straight faces[/color]. they lie when telling the truth would save them time and money. They lie about little things as well as big ones. They lie to themselves about what they're doing. They lie to their wives and families about where they are going and what they are going to do when they get there, even if there's no sexually inappropriate behavior going on. Pornography is itself a lie, and they embrace it."
It is when a wife realizes how dangerously pathological her addicted husband has become that she often chooses to no longer stay in the marriage. Hall, in writing a letter to her husband says, "That's when I knew you were dangerously pathological. That's when I knew I'd crack if I stayed with you any longer."
Hall devotes chapters to dealing with the issues of denial and how those layers are peeled off gradually, usually through the intercession of the spirit. In regard to this Hall writes, "I was certainly in a dance of denial, but inside I was crying out for the truth. I'm so glad that God looks past the surface, to the innermost part of our beings, sifting through and analyzing the thoughts and intents of our hearts. Then, when the groanings of our pain are too terrifying for us to bring into the light of day, the Holy Ghost intercedes for us before God's throne and says, 'Look, she says that she doesn't want to know, but she needs to know.' And then we are shown. And the truth is ugly, ugly indeed."
Hall devotes many chapters to describing the spiritual quest that began with the peeling of the layers of denial. When one is dealing with the forces of evil, the father of all lies, one must center themselves and focus on the omnipotence of an all knowing Father who the source of truth and revelation to them. The avenues of prayer, scripture study and sustained close association with Deity are the greatest and sometimes only source of strength to the wife in this situation."
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Posts: 13 | From: NH | Registered: Jun 2004
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CindyAnn
Community Member
Member # 3516
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posted
Thank you so much! I have to say, I kinda feel let down. I really felt this was something the Lord wants me to do. I still do, and I'm willing to go forward with all my strength. I did think though that others would want to help in whatever way they could. Apparently getting people to help is gonna be like pulling teeth. I knew Satan was behind porn of course, but I guess I didn't realize just how strong a hold he has on it. Would you guys at least pray with me that this stronghold will be broken? Thanks, I really appreciate it!
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HisGrace
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Great post Cindy Ann. Porn has reached epidemic proportions around the whole world. May God bless you in your ministry to help many to eradicate this addiction. ![[Prayer]](graemlins/prayer.gif)
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CindyAnn
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Member # 3516
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What's wrong with looking at pornography? It's not like you are getting a girl pregnant or spreading STDs.
A. The problem with using porn is that it emasculates men, degrades women, destroys marriages, and offends the Lord. You may be thinking: "That's going a little overboard, don't you think? I mean, what's wrong with checking out a few web sites?" Take a look at the effects of pornography, and you will see why real men don't use it.
First off, when Jesus warned that anyone who looks lustfully at a woman commits sin with her in his heart (Matt. 5:28), he spelled it out in no uncertain terms that it's not enough to avoid pregnancy or STDs. He wants us to be pure.
What does pornography do to a man? For starters, it robs him of the capacity to be a man. The essence of manhood consists in readiness to deny oneself for the good of a beloved. This is why Paul reminds husbands in his Letter to the Ephesians that their love must be like that of Christ, who allowed himself to be crucified for the sake of his beloved, the Church (Eph. 5:21–33).
Pornography defeats this calling. Ask yourself: Wouldn't it infuriate you if a guy looked at your daughter or wife in the same way he looked at pornography? Instead of denying himself for the good of the woman, a man, through the use of porn, denies the woman her dignity in order to satisfy his lust. In essence, pornography is a rejection of our calling to love as God loves. It is no wonder that those who use it are never satisfied. Only love satisfies.
Pornography gradually cripples a man's ability to love. It is impossible to love a fantasy, but living in a world of fantasy allows a guy to escape from reality and evade the demands of authentic love. In a way, the fact that pornography allows men to indulge their lust without having to worry about pregnancy or STDs is part of the problem. It encourages him to live in a world in which sexuality offers only pleasure without meaning or consequences, in which "no one gets pregnant, no one catches a disease, no one shows signs of guilt, fear, remorse, embarrassment, or distrust. No one suffers from the sexual activities of others and the men, at least, are always carefree, unrestrained. . . . The priority of lovingly protecting one's partner is of little concern in pornography because no harm seems possible."(1)
Simply put, pornography is the renunciation of love. As the writer Christopher West said, "[Pornography] seeks to foster precisely those distortions of our sexual desires that we must struggle against in order to discover true love."(2) For the person who indulges in porn, the purpose of sex becomes the satisfaction of the erotic "needs," not the communication of life and love. Pornography drives a man to value a woman only for what she gives him rather than for the person she is.
Some guys will slough this all off, saying, "Boys will be boys," or "I'm just appreciating the beauty of womanhood," or "I like the articles in the magazine." Sometimes they will realize how unconvincing these arguments are, and they'll become resentful, saying, "You want to repress sexuality and rob women of their freedom. It's unhealthy for you to have such little appreciation for women!" This resentment has found its way to the billboards and titles of the strip clubs, which advertise the establishment as a "gentleman's club" for "adult entertainment." Having the word "gentleman" or "adult" associated with a strip club is nothing less than fascinating. Why would a man feel the need to justify that his behavior is mature and gentlemanly? Can you call to mind any time where an adult needed to remind others that he was mature? Or can you think of any activity on earth where a gentleman needs to announce that he is one? Usually actions speak for themselves.
So even when a man's lack of self-control makes him resemble a boy and nothing in his behavior is reconcilable with the title "gentleman," he still feels a need to identify with authentic manhood. This is because no matter how much we fall, Christ has still stamped into our being the call to love like Jesus. If only we can untwist the lies and humbly come before the Lord in all of our woundedness, he will raise us up and make us into true men.
Now what does pornography do to women? Since it trains men to think of women as objects to be used instead of persons to be loved, guys speak of them as objects and treat them as objects. When men learn their "love" from videos and magazines, they accept the idea that a woman's "no" is actually a "yes" and that she enjoys being used. This can lead to a rapist mentality.
Consider, for example, a study done in the Oklahoma City area. When 150 sexually-oriented businesses were closed, the rate of rape decreased 27 percent in five years, while the rate in the rest of the country increased 19 percent. In Phoenix, Arizona, neighborhoods with porn outlets had 500 percent more sex offenses than neighborhoods without them.(3)
Ted Bundy raped and killed dozens of women. He was sentenced to die in the electric chair and requested that his last interview be with Dr. James Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family. In that meeting, Bundy talked openly about pornography and told Dr. Dobson that his struggles all began there. He explained that all of his fellow inmates had an obsession with pornography before going to prison. Porn magazines and videos lay at the root of innumerable rapes and murders. No one can tell the husbands, siblings, children, and fathers of those violated and deceased women that pornography is harmless. If you want to see for yourself what Bundy said, click here.
http://www.pureintimacy.org/online1/bundy.html
What does pornography do to marriages? To be blunt, pornography is the perfect way to shoot your future marriage in the head. Imagine that a young man has a habit of using pornography, and he does not reveal this to his fiancée. He hopes that once he is married, the desires for illicit sexual arousal will subside. But what becomes of his lust once he marries her? It does not disappear, it is foisted upon his wife. The pornography has trained him to react to the sexual value of a woman, and nothing else. He has trained himself to believe that women should be physically flawless and constantly sexually accessible. Even if he rejects this intellectually, the fact remains that his attractions and responses have been conditioned and shaped by warped, pornography-inspired fantasies.
Provided his wife is a life-size Barbie doll with a squad of make-up artists and hairdressers that follow her around the house, things might run smoothly for a time. But when reality confronts fantasy, the man will be left disillusioned and the woman's self image will suffer. His disordered desires and fantasies can never be fulfilled by any real-life woman. They focus solely upon self-centered gratification rather than mutual self-giving and joy in pleasing one's spouse. One woman explained that if a man's real-life partner is not always as available sexually and willing to do whatever he wishes as the women he has fantasized about, he may accuse her of being a prude. If she looks normal, and unlike the models he has come to adore, he may accuse her of being fat. If she has needs, unlike the passive images in the magazines, then she may seem too demanding for him.(4)
In other words, he'll be quick to blame his disorder on her; his fantasies will have robbed him of the ability to be truly intimate with his wife. One reason he is unable to have healthy intimacy with his wife is because intimacy is not an escape from reality, but the capacity to see the beauty of the other. The presence of lust in the heart of the man blocks his ability to view the woman as a person. He has reduced her to an object and ignored her value as person. When this happens, he forfeits love. [size=24]True intimacy is impossible[/size].
This is why part of the problem with pornography is not simply that it shows too much, but that it shows too little. It reduces a woman to nothing more than her body. Thus, a man will assume that the greater the body, the greater the value of the woman. With this mindset, men not only expect their future wives to look no less perfect than Miss September, they also do not appreciate a woman's most beautiful and precious qualities, since a centerfold display fails to highlight these. This drives men to look elsewhere in an impossible quest to satisfy their disordered appetites. After all, pornography fosters the false mentality that casual, uncommitted sex is the most fulfilling and enjoyable. Who does not want to be fulfilled?
One all-too-common response to the marital dissatisfaction often caused by pornography habits is to actually bring pornography into the bedroom. This is a vain effort on the part of the man to have the illicit excitement that he has formed an attachment to. The poor wife may allow this, but the joy of loving has escaped the man, who no longer sees the value of the person and the need to give himself for her. Married couples who use pornography find that their marital problems only worsen. If a husband needs to pretend that his wife is someone else in order for him to be excited, then he will become less and less drawn to her. Instead of making love to her, he is destroying love between them.
[size=24]Because the effects of pornography are so severe, Christian men have an obligation to rid their own lives of it[/size]. According to Pope John Paul II, "[God] has assigned as a duty to every man the dignity of every woman."(5) When we act in a way that is contrary to the dignity of women, we act contrary to our own dignity and vocation as men.
Even if pornography had no adverse affects on people, we must never forget that sin is not simply a social matter. We owe it to our neighbor to love him, but we also owe it to God to honor the Lord in all our actions and thoughts. To lust after his daughters is a grave sin, even if no one becomes pregnant as a result of another's imagination. "So shun youthful passions and aim at righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call upon the Lord from a pure heart" (2 Tim. 2:22).
If you need any more proof of how harmful porn is, click here.
http://www.porndestroyswomen.org/
http://www.pureloveclub.com/chastity/index.php?id=7&entryid=127
You're invited to participate in our private forum: Men's Victory Over Porn
A MEN's private forum for support, advice, encouragement, prayer and accountability to gain or maintain the victory over porn! Come here to help others or to receive that help! Please pm Nitelite, or Jason, for membership in this forum if you want to help or if you need help. For total anonymity we have made it so only the word anonymous shows up on the index as the last person posting in this forum. 1 Corinthians 15:57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
http://fresh-hope.com/forums/index.php
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Posts: 13 | From: NH | Registered: Jun 2004
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CindyAnn
Community Member
Member # 3516
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posted
You're invited to participate in our private forum: Men's Victory Over Porn
A MEN's private forum for support, advice, encouragement, prayer and accountability to gain or maintain the victory over porn! Come here to help others or to receive that help! Please pm Nitelite, or Jason, for membership in this forum if you want to help or if you need help. For total anonymity we have made it so only the word anonymous shows up on the index as the last person posting in this forum. 1 Corinthians 15:57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
http://fresh-hope.com/forums/index.php
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come visit us at Fresh Hope!
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Posts: 13 | From: NH | Registered: Jun 2004
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