Christian Chat Network

This version of the message boards has closed.
Please click below to go to the new Christian BBS website.

New Message Boards - Click Here

You can still search for the old message here.

Christian Message Boards


Post New Topic  Post A Reply
| | search | faq | forum home
  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Christian Message Boards   » Bible Studies   » Questions & Answers   » Are there some people who should NEVER marry?

   
Author Topic: Are there some people who should NEVER marry?
John Hale
unregistered


Icon 1 posted            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi, DeRick.

I have a niece and a nephew who have aspergers syndrome. They are quite a bit younger than you. But I know something about what you are referring to. I do know that many with the syndrome can lead fairly normal lives. And that the syndrome does not preclude sterilization or preventative measures to halt people with the syndrome from having families. Nor does it preclude that your children will have aspergers. They will have the gene.

I have the suspicion that what is diagnosed as ADD or ADHD is a mild case of aspergers and many people for a very long time have learned to cope with their disabilities.

Perhaps you are not taking it to the level of having children but only want to marry your soulmate. This too should not be restricted if for no other reason than your spouse will help you through your unique difficulties and your parents won;t be around forever to help or 'protect' you as they are probably convinced they are doing now by keeping away from potential love interests.

One thing I noticed at Easter Seals, people with disabilities tended to gravitate toward one another only not with the same disability. I saw friendships and relationships develop where someone with down syndrome gravitated toward someone who had no sight and they both were strengthened by each others unique abilities.

I imagine it could be that way with aspergers... when an episode began and your spouse would use a key word or phrase to get you to to stop and trust her implicitly that she sees what you can't see at that moment and no harm is done.

I know that sounds too general and too easy for as complicated syndrome but it can be worked out and if it's the Lord's will for you to have someone like that... you will be what she needs too.

My advice is not to worry about it and just pray pray pray. Then trust the Lord.

It's not easy for anyone to find the right mate. Until I stopped fretting over it (which I did from a very young age like 5 years old I wondered and worried about it)... the Lord could not send into my life the woman of my dreams. He did the very next day after I decided to stop worrying about finding Miss Right. That was 30 years of marriage ago.

The devil plays those games on us about being alone and never finding our perfect match. Then we worry or hunt down all the wrong people. So in one sense, DeRick, you have an advantage about not being "out there" making all the mistakes most of us do. You can go right into waiting on the Lord.

And if it takes until the last three years of your life when it comes it will be so worth it! Or if it never comes... it will be worth it too. God has a way of making us happy in all situations happier than if we'd done it our own way... if only we'd allow him to do so by trusting him and not worrying or scheming to help God along.

Look at the trouble for Jews Abraham and Sarah made by "helping" God along with his fathering Ishmael through Hagar... for thousands of years the descendants of Ishmael have been barbs in the eyes of Jews... oy!

Just keep being the best you you can be and trust God.




quote:
Originally posted by DeRick:
I'll be 40 this year, single, still living with my mom because of disabilities. i NEVER had a relationship with a woman because no woman was able to look at me for more than a friend. And also because my family, probely indirectly orchestrated some circumstances in my life where i wouldnt be able to meet good single christian women. Simply because what they believe my "brain damage" is. it is believed i have aspergers.
My first question is would a parent have biblical right to keep thier child from haveing any kind of a relationship with the oppisette sex that could lead to marriage? I googled that question and i found very interesting answers
http://www.momof9splace.com/court.html
http://www.momof9splace.com/court2.html
http://www.momof9splace.com/court3.html
http://www.momof9splace.com/court4.html
According to this person, although i can't really find anything in the Bible to back it up. parents not only have that right, but they should should choose the spouse for him/her. And if they believe thier child will never be "mature" enough for marriage than it is their parental duty to prevent that child from even socializing with an available oppisette sex.
unfortunatly thats the enviroment i lived in in Texas. But my mom and i moved to Cozumel, Mexico and thier culture is not like that at all, in fact its the norm for a woman to marry a man still living with his mom..unlike back in the states. But somehow i feel, thats still not gonna stop my mom from "protecting" me.
Is it really true that if a man cannot, even for the most legit reason, provide for himself (except with social security), or live an independant life outside his parents' home, then he should never marry? I've asked someone who lives here who does speak english a little that and he said "No, no, our culture is not like that at all, we're more relaxed, we don't discriminate" You see, if i lived in that kind of society a long time ago, i wouldve been married a long time ago.
I just had to share that.


IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Betty Louise
Advanced Member
Member # 7175

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Betty Louise     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I know disabled people who are married with children. Don't allow family to decide your fate. Pray that if it is God's will that you have a family of your own that, He will send you a good Christian woman to love you. Trust God and seek His will.
betty

--------------------
Luk 21:28 And when these things begin to come to pass, then look up, and lift up your heads; for your redemption draweth nigh.

Posts: 5051 | From: Houston, Texas | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DeRick
New Member
Member # 6641

Icon 1 posted      Profile for DeRick   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
If anything, I'm #1. (meaning #1 on that list not "I'm so good", LOL) Its bad enough having situations forcing me to be single but to have people around so convinced that i should never marry, but i should live my entire life single, virgin. They always thought that and i ask them why, they bring up my disablility. Honestly, i didnt want to bring up my disability, but its been drilled in me head so much that i believe there's some truth to it, that my disability is part of the reason.
So if i was meant to be single all my life, i was, more or less, made single by men (and women).

Posts: 6 | From: Cozumel, Mexico | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
oneinchrist
Advanced Member
Member # 6532

Icon 1 posted      Profile for oneinchrist     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hello DeRick,

Its nice to meet you.

Jesus says that there are single people for three reasons(Matthew 19:12)...

1. Others influence (men who cause men to be/remain single)
2. Choosing to be single as a sacrifice to God
3. God giving the "gift of singledom" (this assumably would be a high and demanding call which includes a clear, cut, and dry vision for the Lords work)

Which one are you? You cant get the answer from us.

If you are #1, then learn to be bold, tell others what you really want in your life, tell them that you love them.....but that you would like them to love you by respecting your right to make your own decision regarding marriage.

If you are #2, then you do an honorable thing, but that does not mean that it is not good to have a wife.

If you are #3, the spirit of God will convince your spirit as you are given clear vision of Gods call on your life.

Are there some people who should never marry? I hope that you are not asking this question because of your disability. I have a sister who is diagnosed with schizophrenia, and it seems(at least to me) that God has put other schizophrenics in her life, and she seems to be able to connect well with them at a deeper level than with those who dont share her struggle. Dont give up hope.

With love in Christ, Daniel

Posts: 1389 | From: Wind Lake, WI | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DeRick
New Member
Member # 6641

Icon 1 posted      Profile for DeRick   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm aware of the will of God, its just. my entire life i just seemed to be the odd man out. In my singles group in my 20s & 30s, there were people starting relationships and stuff, and friends fixing each other up. It was like, to everyone else "hey youre new here, you seem pretty cool, id like to fix you up with so & so", but to me it was like "You're a special child of God and maybe He doesnt want you married." they wouldnt say that to anyone else except me, thats what was so strange, so rather or not God ever wanted me married is not really the issue, its just why did people my age just look at me like that, because i believe if they didnt... i probely wouldve been married by now...or not. Thats what i lived with and that would be my only question to God.
Posts: 6 | From: Cozumel, Mexico | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Carol Swenson
Admin
Member # 6929

Icon 7 posted      Profile for Carol Swenson     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi DeRick [wave3]

It isn't what the culture or even our parents decide is right or wrong, but the will of God. I would suggest that you pray and seek His will for your life, and then obey Him. It could be that He has something else for you to do than marriage. There are many single Christians who devote their lives to service instead of family. If God does want you to marry, then He will provide the bride He wants for you.

Posts: 6787 | From: Colorado | Registered: Dec 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DeRick
New Member
Member # 6641

Icon 1 posted      Profile for DeRick   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'll be 40 this year, single, still living with my mom because of disabilities. i NEVER had a relationship with a woman because no woman was able to look at me for more than a friend. And also because my family, probely indirectly orchestrated some circumstances in my life where i wouldnt be able to meet good single christian women. Simply because what they believe my "brain damage" is. it is believed i have aspergers.
My first question is would a parent have biblical right to keep thier child from haveing any kind of a relationship with the oppisette sex that could lead to marriage? I googled that question and i found very interesting answers
http://www.momof9splace.com/court.html
http://www.momof9splace.com/court2.html
http://www.momof9splace.com/court3.html
http://www.momof9splace.com/court4.html
According to this person, although i can't really find anything in the Bible to back it up. parents not only have that right, but they should should choose the spouse for him/her. And if they believe thier child will never be "mature" enough for marriage than it is their parental duty to prevent that child from even socializing with an available oppisette sex.
unfortunatly thats the enviroment i lived in in Texas. But my mom and i moved to Cozumel, Mexico and thier culture is not like that at all, in fact its the norm for a woman to marry a man still living with his mom..unlike back in the states. But somehow i feel, thats still not gonna stop my mom from "protecting" me.
Is it really true that if a man cannot, even for the most legit reason, provide for himself (except with social security), or live an independant life outside his parents' home, then he should never marry? I've asked someone who lives here who does speak english a little that and he said "No, no, our culture is not like that at all, we're more relaxed, we don't discriminate" You see, if i lived in that kind of society a long time ago, i wouldve been married a long time ago.
I just had to share that.

Posts: 6 | From: Cozumel, Mexico | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator


 
Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Christian Message Board | Privacy Statement



Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.5.0

Christian Chat Network

New Message Boards - Click Here